My personal analytical nadir ← FREE KRAUT!

My personal analytical nadir 78

20 Jan 2011  |  monkeyball  |The Grill
  1. Sacha Baron Cohen’s genius is unending
  2. I am Richard Kelly
  3. He can have $1M
  4. French cave paintings. Of mythical beasts and geographically implausible animals. 1300 feet underground. In hallucinatory concentrations of CO2 and radon. In 3D. With Werner Herzog. Jesus.
  5. This is my stimulus plan to rebuild America’s infrastructure.
  6. In college, I played trashophone for Arizona Lion Meat Publicity Stunt.
  7. Sullivan bait
  8. Mark Ellis has tested positive for nebulized unicorn testes
  9. So, what’s the A’s bullpen salary percentage gonna be this year? Quick guesstimate: 22%?
  10. REVENGE OF THE DENTAL CARTEL!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!
  11. More evidence of the low value of walks
  12. Christ, what anaplastologist
  13. DeLong is awesome

78 thoughts on “My personal analytical nadir”

  1. nevermoor Jan 20,2011 11:55 am

    Re 1: That’s actually an interesting philosophical question. Can one’s genius be unending if it never starts?

    "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
  2. andeux Jan 20,2011 12:10 pm

    2. Isn’t Brazil’s dystopia pretty clearly socialistic?

    TINSTAAFK
    • monkeyball Jan 20,2011 12:13 pm || Up

      I always thought it was a hybrid.

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • FreeSeatUpgrade Jan 20,2011 6:12 pm || Up

      The highway with every inch enclosed by advertising billboards suggests otherwise. And while Gilliam’s British background surely steeped him in a statist view of bureacracy, he’s personally pretty soundly in the left camp.

      "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
      • andeux Jan 21,2011 9:40 am || Up

        My memory is that the government seemed to own and control most aspects of people’s lives (e.g. the official HVAC repairmen). Although there were also clearly some ultra-rich people.
        I guess a hybrid sounds right, probably deeply influenced, as you say, by Thatcher-era Britain.

        TINSTAAFK
        • monkeyball Jan 21,2011 1:34 pm || Up

          There’s also the deleted interrogation/processing scene where the government official urges him to confess, or they’ll ruin his credit rating.

          you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
          • Leopold Bloom Jan 21,2011 1:50 pm || Up

            That’s what happened to me.

            • monkeyball Jan 21,2011 2:00 pm || Up

              Your scene got deleted?

              you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
              • Leopold Bloom Jan 21,2011 2:41 pm || Up

                Cutting room floor, baby! Then the gov’t wiped my credit. I was too close to discovering self-propelled cars.

                IOW, the gov’t gave my credit score cancer.

  3. andeux Jan 20,2011 12:15 pm

    9. Exactly right, according to my calculations.

    TINSTAAFK
    • monkeyball Jan 20,2011 12:22 pm || Up

      {buys lottery ticket, re-signs Duchscherer}

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  4. monkeyball Jan 20,2011 12:48 pm

    Obama = Beane

    “was really frustrated that there weren’t solutions on the cheap.”

    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  5. ptbnl Jan 20,2011 2:01 pm

    4. Added to Netflix save queue.

    If this is His will, He's a son of a bitch.
  6. mikeA Jan 20,2011 3:03 pm
  7. nevermoor Jan 20,2011 3:05 pm
    "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
    • ptbnl Jan 20,2011 3:17 pm || Up

      I don’t see what this has to do with Dianne Feinstein wearing a snood.

      If this is His will, He's a son of a bitch.
      • monkeyball Jan 20,2011 3:48 pm || Up

        David Forst Waiving Athletics Scrubs

        you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
        • sslinger Jan 20,2011 3:57 pm || Up

          Or Donald Fagan writing a song.

          • JediLeroy Jan 20,2011 5:16 pm || Up

            or:

            az di bobe volt gehat beytsim volt zi geven mayn zeyde
            • ptbnl Jan 20,2011 6:58 pm || Up

              I once owned that very outfit!

              Worn to a costume party and then bartered on the playa for 2 dozen snow cones.

              If this is His will, He's a son of a bitch.
  8. sslinger Jan 20,2011 4:40 pm
    • monkeyball Jan 20,2011 4:45 pm || Up

      I’ll see you and raise you.

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
      • sslinger Jan 20,2011 5:44 pm || Up

        I’m not sure what’s weirder, the article or the headline for it.

  9. monkeyball Jan 20,2011 4:52 pm

    Is it just me, or is this entire argument moronic?

    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • andeux Jan 20,2011 5:46 pm || Up

      I think he should be encouraging Levitt not to vote.

      TINSTAAFK
  10. monkeyball Jan 20,2011 5:09 pm

    Via Maury Brown, an interesting item on private equity trying to weasel their way into MLBAM

    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  11. lenscrafters Jan 20,2011 5:14 pm

    THT projections are out…if you’re willing to shell out 15 bucks. Can anyone attest to the accuracy of these projections (error margins, etc)?

    Projected standings are just a little below that (and free). 92 wins for TEX, 88 for us, 74 for M’s, 70 for Angels. Thoughts?

    • nevermoor Jan 20,2011 5:36 pm || Up

      Very high for us, very low for LAA

      "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
    • mother pucker Jan 20,2011 8:46 pm || Up

      If only Vegas were to be so optimistic, $1000 on the under, please.

  12. andeux Jan 20,2011 6:01 pm

    Chavez “swung the bat well and apparently looked healthy.”
    Does Slusser write this stuff with a straight face?

    TINSTAAFK
    • Poppy Jan 20,2011 7:20 pm || Up

      Many twitter followers seem very excited by the fact that Ryan Sweeney is going back to No. 15 now that Ben Sheets is not with the team.

      Who gives a rat’s ass about Sweeney’s number? I’m very excited that Ben Sheets is not with the team.

      There's a wild thing in the woolshed and it's keeping me awake at night.
  13. FreeSeatUpgrade Jan 20,2011 9:30 pm

    Brussels kraut! Chicken-fried codfish with brussels kraut!

    In other Top Chef news, this guy handicaps the remaining contestents, with the obvious Angelo/Richard faves at 3:1. Good value on Straight Dale at 7:1. This should be fun to watch, though…once Fabio and Tre get axed, the seven others are all strong contenders.

    Rich Harden wishes he had a tenth of the smirk that Marcel has. What a dick. I’m glad he’s got sent home pretty much for general dickishness, as voted on by his peers.

    The quickfire challenge was hella cool. Made me wanna hack up some fish.

    "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
    • Leopold Bloom Jan 21,2011 4:42 am || Up

      I actually liked Marcel, but I believe that was a by-product of my despising Ilan/Elan, season two’s winner. I disliked him so much that I started rooting for Marcel and it turned into like. He was and is a dick, though no more than straight Dale and nowhere near the sneaky douche that Angelo is.

      I would root for Satan himself against Angelo, though Angelo may be Satan.

      • sslinger Jan 21,2011 8:44 am || Up

        I felt exactly the way you did about the Ilan/Marcel season, and grew to like Marcel also, but I have to admit he came across pretty badly this season. I think his team could have done better if they’d actually listened to him rather than undermining him the whole time, but that was a byproduct of not really having any respect from the team. At some point, you have to realize that if everyone on the show thinks he’s a douche, he’s probably a douche no matter how they edit it.

        The surprise to me is that Karla was the last chef chosen – hard to believe nobody respects what she’s doing there. With her late run in the season she was on, combined with her performance so far, I have to believe she’s got a shot at it.

        • FreeSeatUpgrade Jan 21,2011 9:01 am || Up

          Dale choosing Marcel as the other captain was genius. And I’d say Carla has as good a shot at that last Final Three slot as anyone.

          "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
          • batgirl Jan 21,2011 12:23 pm || Up

            Agreed on both. And Marcel was stupid not to see that Carla would probably would have been great at front of house and picked her–very personable, calm, and capable.

        • andeux Jan 21,2011 9:49 am || Up

          if everyone on the show thinks he’s a douche, he’s probably a douche no matter how they edit it.

          That’s been my take on him all along. Even Angelo manages to get along with people a lot of the time. Actually he and Dale, who seems to have mellowed a lot without completely losing his edge, have both grown on me this season.

          As for Marcel’s cooking, Bourdain’s “Why foam? Why now?” quote pretty much summed it up.

          Carla has also never impressed me. She seems like the weakest of the remaining group, but has a weird knack for surviving.

          TINSTAAFK
          • Leopold Bloom Jan 21,2011 12:54 pm || Up

            THE DEVIL HAS GROWN ON YOU?!

            Angelo must die.

    • batgirl Jan 21,2011 12:26 pm || Up

      I’m thrilled Marcel is gone.

  14. nanotrebuchet Jan 20,2011 10:24 pm

    boy, whoever designed these new oreo cookie packages ought to get a nobel prize.

    • nevermoor Jan 20,2011 10:55 pm || Up

      Not if it makes people buy more Oreos.

      "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
      • JediLeroy Jan 20,2011 11:09 pm || Up

        Seriously though, what’s wrong with Oreos?

        I can occasionally eat junk foods and maintain a healthy body. Kill me if I can’t enjoy a fricking Oreo without being outed as a capitalist American slob.

        Provided that you were referring to the lack of healthfulness.

        az di bobe volt gehat beytsim volt zi geven mayn zeyde
        • nevermoor Jan 20,2011 11:48 pm || Up

          I’m not saying they should be outlawed, and if you can do that more power to you. I basically can’t.

          "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
          • JediLeroy Jan 21,2011 1:24 am || Up

            Sorry, I didn’t realize how douchey I sounded when I wrote that.

            Perhaps I’m not so good at laying off the junk food. I’ve lost 65 pounds since my first kid was born–down to a healthy 200 lbs (healthy for a 6’6″ male). Perhaps it’s Japan’s lack of snacks in large quantities and the cost-prohibitiveness of buying what they do have.

            Speaking of snacks, one quick dinner item that I make sometimes is Texas toast style bread pan fried in whatever white cheese they sell here in Japan. It’s really good for eating with soup, etc. Anyway, my wife said tonight that she was craving that dipped in ice cream. Pregnancy is weird.

            az di bobe volt gehat beytsim volt zi geven mayn zeyde
            • monkeyball Jan 21,2011 6:56 am || Up

              !

              Had we been apprised of this development?

              you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
              • JediLeroy Jan 21,2011 7:39 am || Up

                I made a veiled reference (something about JL Jr v3.0 or something). Also, it’s a boy (we just found out).

                End of May/beginning of June.

                az di bobe volt gehat beytsim volt zi geven mayn zeyde
                • nevermoor Jan 21,2011 9:24 am || Up

                  Congrats!

                  "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
                • FreeSeatUpgrade Jan 21,2011 10:01 am || Up

                  Whoo hoo! One more child to help protect you from the roving bands of paramilitary thugs who’ll be making our elder years a nightmarish crucible of fear!

                  "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
        • batgirl Jan 21,2011 12:29 pm || Up

          You know what are really good? Try the Peppermint Joe Joes from Trader Joes (when you get back in the US.) Sadly they are seasonal and won’t be back until November, but they are yummy.

      • nanotrebuchet Jan 20,2011 11:18 pm || Up

        nom nom nom

      • lenscrafters Jan 21,2011 12:25 am || Up

        Oreos fear me during Finals week…especially if they’re of the double stuf variety.

        • JediLeroy Jan 21,2011 1:04 am || Up

          fudge covered.

          az di bobe volt gehat beytsim volt zi geven mayn zeyde
        • sslinger Jan 21,2011 8:46 am || Up

          Post blood donation indulgence.

          • nevermoor Jan 21,2011 9:24 am || Up

            Yeah, for me too. Those guys have so many great/terrible things.

            "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
            • andeux Jan 21,2011 9:51 am || Up

              Cheez-Its! Although those are more terrible/terrible.

              TINSTAAFK
              • nevermoor Jan 21,2011 10:01 am || Up

                I do a double-red within a week or three of eligibility every time, and pretty routinely have Lorna Doone / HR Peanuts / Pretzels / Lots of cranberry.

                Easily the best on-site blood donor snacks I’ve seen

                "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
          • ptbnl Jan 21,2011 10:03 am || Up

            Try as I might, I can’t get anyone here to accept my blood because I’m from the UK, home of mad cow disease. The fact that I’ve been a vegetarian for 25+ years doesn’t seem to help.

            If this is His will, He's a son of a bitch.
            • nevermoor Jan 21,2011 10:18 am || Up

              Yeah, I’ve always found those rules unnecessarily odd, but at the same time you hear about “supply shortages” but never surgeries canceled because there is no available blood. You also don’t hear about patients getting sick from donor blood.

              So I guess it all balances out.

              "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
          • andeux Jan 21,2011 10:47 am || Up

            Steak (hold the mad cow disease) from the butcher at Star Grocery. To restore my iron level.

            TINSTAAFK
    • monkeyball Jan 21,2011 2:42 pm || Up

      Sorry, but it goes to whomever invented these

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  15. JediLeroy Jan 20,2011 10:32 pm

    I was recently reading about the upcoming release of the Nintendo 3DS, a handheld gaming system with glasses-free stereoscopic 3D. The article I read took a potshot at Nintendo for offering an “Aqua Blue” model in addition to the standard black version.

    When I first bought a cell phone in Japan, I noticed an ad for another phone emphasizing the 30+ colors in which it was available. When I mentioned this to someone, they responded that they wanted to buy that specific phone because they didn’t like the color of their current phone. I’ve heard and read various comments by people saying that they bought a new gaming system or phone because they preferred the color of the newly purchased device. Nintendo makes a killing in Japan off of people who buy a new DS each time they release a newly colored model.

    The factors that affect my own decision to purchase a device are as follows (in order):

    Functionality
    1a. Actual features (including storage space, available applications, etc.)
    1b. Ease of Use
    2. Cost
    3. Cosmetics
    3a. Durability of build
    3b. Sleekness of design (compactness)
    …
    3p. Color

    I appreciate the ability to choose the color of a device, especially if I’m going to be spending hundreds of dollars on it. However, were the company to only provide one specific color, I wouldn’t bat an eye. Perhaps if I cared about having a room where all the devices were the exact same color, I might think twice about buying “the wrong color”. But when it comes to a portable gaming, music, or communications device, can you really go wrong with black? Would the lack of a flashy color keep you from buying any specific device? Does that really matter to you?

    What do you think? Would you buy something that had fewer helpful features or a higher price solely because you liked the color?

    az di bobe volt gehat beytsim volt zi geven mayn zeyde
    • nanotrebuchet Jan 20,2011 10:53 pm || Up

      i am not going to make the obvious racist joke here.

      • JediLeroy Jan 20,2011 11:06 pm || Up

        No hidden anti-Obama agenda here. In response to the possible

        Would you buyelect somethingsomeone that had fewer helpful featuresqualifications or a higher price to society solely because you liked the color?

        edits, I give this this:

        But when it comes to a portable gaming, music, or communications devicePresident, can you really go wrong with black?

        az di bobe volt gehat beytsim volt zi geven mayn zeyde
    • nevermoor Jan 20,2011 10:57 pm || Up

      Nope.

      This is like the (stereotype, not reality!!!) that women only care about car color but men find the car they want and whatever normal color is cheapest.

      "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
      • Leopold Bloom Jan 21,2011 4:44 am || Up

        I like green.

        • andeux Jan 21,2011 9:52 am || Up

          Me too.
          But I don’t care about colors for things like small electronics.

          TINSTAAFK
    • monkeyball Jan 21,2011 6:56 am || Up

      What if they offered an Oreo-colored model?

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
      • JediLeroy Jan 21,2011 7:41 am || Up

        If I were my kids, I’d eat the circuitry out and leave the case all slimy and stick on the floor.

        az di bobe volt gehat beytsim volt zi geven mayn zeyde
    • 5Aces Jan 21,2011 10:21 am || Up

      Any customer can have a car painted any colour that he wants so long as it is black

      Camelot sure fell apart, didn't it? -Steve McCatty
    • batgirl Jan 21,2011 12:34 pm || Up

      I would like to be able to pick a bright color for pretty much everything I buy.

      • Poppy Jan 21,2011 12:46 pm || Up

        Me, too… but if the best function/value only comes in black or silver/grey, I don’t let that stop me from buying it. I just frown a little bit inside every time I look at it.

        (I tried to post a slightly longer comment to this effect a little while ago, but FK ate it.)

        There's a wild thing in the woolshed and it's keeping me awake at night.
        • ptbnl Jan 21,2011 1:04 pm || Up

          Poppy posts – the fudge-covered double-stuffed Oreos of FK server traffic.

          If this is His will, He's a son of a bitch.
          • Poppy Jan 22,2011 7:38 pm || Up

            As long as they don’t become the server’s cheeseburger-with-grilled-cheese-sandwiches-as-buns and cause a FKardiac arrest.

            There's a wild thing in the woolshed and it's keeping me awake at night.
            • Leopold Bloom Jan 28,2011 1:09 am || Up

              yummmmm…..want,

              • Soaker Jan 28,2011 1:38 pm || Up

                That’s a Friendly’s creation, and there’s one of those in Sarasota (and one in Bradenton too) so you had your chance. I considered that as I drove past the Friendly’s when I was down there, but Chick-Fil-A was higher on my junk food priority list.

                BTW…”Bradenton” and the “Braden River” which I noticed driving past on I-75. I had never made that connection before.

                What I discovered Blew. My. Mind. -- Pat Boone
                • sslinger Jan 28,2011 3:17 pm || Up

                  it’s also one of the creations of Grill Em All, winner of the Great Food Truck Race.

                • Leopold Bloom Jan 28,2011 4:34 pm || Up

                  That’s what I know it from. And I gotta believe the Grill Em All boys kick Friendly’s collective asses. We had Friendly’s where I grew up, too. Meh.

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