A Peanutball joint.
A half hour out of Tampa and I was HIGHLY MOTIVATED to crash the fucking plane straight into the Gulf. Sergio Romo had the Funky Cold MEDINA SPIRIT and it was nails-on-chalkboard excruciating. “I’m the DYNAMIC ONE, I will ROCK YOUR WORLD son.” Neck tats aside, Romo raps like a middle-aged jamoke cosplaying a BROOKLYN STRONG tough guy.
I slammed another MIDNIGHT BOURBON and headed down to aisle to see Luzardo. I slapped his back with one arm while snaking my trunk toward the SOUP AND SANDWICH on his tray table, but Frankie Montas wasn’t having it. “Vete a la mierda, elefante” he rasped with a menace that automatically disqualifies you from SAINTHOOD.
“Stomper!” Ray Fosse offered a friendly harbor. “How does it feel to be heading back to Oakland?” “LIKE THE KING” I replied, wary of his KNOWN AGENDA. He drew close and dropped his voice low. “Do you have the HIDDEN STASH? I’m jonesing bad, man. It doesn’t have to be ESSENTIAL QUALITY. I’d huff HELIUM right now.” I told him I couldn’t help. “KEEPMEINMIND” he pled as I shuffled away.
Jed Lowrie couldn’t get his Disney+ to load, and it was clear why. I had a few drinks in me but Jed was downright BOURBONIC. And not a happy drunk like me. “Goddamnfuckinsumbitch pay good money need to watch the MANDALOUN” he slurred, but I wasn’t saying nothin to provoke his KING FURY. I’m still taking penicillin from the last time.
The back of the plane was John Fisher’s private section, with full leather reclining seats, exit row signs in cursive, a SUPER STOCK of high end liquors, and purse strings as taut as bridge cables. Fisher was on his knees, at first I thought looking for stray change, but came to realize he was praying.
“O BESOS” he intoned, “O great lord magnate, Amazon eminence, why must I be so poor?”
I stuffed him into a drink cart and stowed it in place for landing. The fastest two minutes in sports later I’d be in the Coliseum for the Orioles series on the winning ride with HOT ROD CHARLIE.
"Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
This weekend raises the question of which is more decadent and depraved, the Derby or the NFL draft.
Here’s an argument for the Derby for “depraved”.
That is heinous behavior. How to measure vs, say, Dan Snyder or Bob Kraft?
Godolphin, the horse ownership group headed by the Sheik, is famously 0-for-11 in Kentucky Derbys, hopefully they extend the streak to 12 today.
I stay for the hard boiled content
Gave? He drove to the store to buy it
I think you mean took Amtrak.
Not a lot to get excited about here. Reed, Barerra, and a bunch of Guys.
Jefferies is injured, and I guess N. Allen is starting in AA.
Let’s Remember Some Guys
For tomorrow’s class I want 500 words on the similarities of and differences between Paul Blackburn and Matt Blackham.
Trout has a .561 babip. What in the world.
I knew that guy would, some day, start living up to his potential.
My only criticism of the story is that Fisher’s private section would be in the front of the airplane, separated from Beane, Forst, Melvin and the proletariat by a wall, not just a curtain. The lavatory up there would have an engraved plaque, “For The Exclusive Use Of Mr. Fisher”. Even a pilot coming out of the cockpit needing to pee would have to walk all the way to the ones in back.
I realize now I could have solved this by having Stomper emerge from the cargo hold after takeoff.
I want to know what genius web developer at MLB.tv decided a couple of weeks ago to make the box score module be always on screen, taking up valuable browser window real estate at all times, when you used to be able to pop it in and out. It’s a perplexingly dumb change.
Ummm, there’s not a full-screen button that KO’s the box score? Even I found that.
There is, but I don’t want it to take over my entire screen, just my entire browser window. That’s especially true when taking advantage of the two or four games at once option, which doesn’t work at all in fullscreen.
Oh OK. I don’t have enough brain capacity to try to watch more than one game. The only way I ever use it is streaming the one game to the laptop and then cast or HDMI cable to the TV.
The solution to all bad web design choices: uMatrix.
This guy is savvy and my ticket might look similar. Definitely looking for a price on the win end. Also he reminds me that it’s been 10 years since this glorious Derby Day.
Well, that doesn’t sound too bad. It sounds like something where if a little kid does it, it shows up on “America’s Funniest Home Videos”.
Will Little, who was involved in that incident with Lowrie and Melvin I referenced a few days ago, is the home plate umpire tonight. Also Rob Drake is toting his AR-15 at third base.
Nice 1st for Fiers. Given the remaining 6 are all hitting under the Mendoza line that is a start.
I like the new start times. I don’t know how long it will take to figure it out
It kills me on nights where Im cooking dinner, but on a pickup night it is perfect.
Fooled me tonight.
1. Vs. the Orioles
2. At the Coliseum
3. On what looks like a cool gray evening.
Could be Fiers’ best start of the season and perhaps one of the last good ones of his career.
Too much FKing optimism, again.
Best start of the season very much live.
Fiers has either bought some spray paint or Rogaine for his beard bald patch.
Sean Murphy unconcerned by the cool gray evening.
I’m amazed Mullins was able to get the bat head on that ball.
Yep, that’s Fiers.
Is it too late to not start Fiers.
So…smoke and mirrors gets you through the lineup 1x.
I made my second attempt at derby pie, I mean non-infringing chocolate-walnut pie.
It came out pretty damn good.
My syrup is infusing with mint as we speak.
Means is 3 steps ahead of A’s hitters. They don’t look like they have a clue.
I like Fiers a little more than the rest of you do, but they can take him out any time now.
Just about every bottom-third payroll team has a spot for a veteran starter who can grind out enough innings to get it to the pen. Four would’ve been plenty, six feels risky AF.
I probably like him even more than andeux, and hey, that’s a quality start right there. I’d like a few of those from Luzardo.
Youre not wrong. For all my complaining, if all we are going to do is 2 hits we shouldnt expect a lot of wins.
Only if they then put Romo in…
Andrus has moved fully into CY25 territory. All I hope for is he can last 5-6 pitches before he makes his out.
5-6? That’s asking way too much.
Murphy really tempting fate with Will Little there.
Turn a bad outing into a dry aged steak? OK, Dallas.
Means has Chapman all messed up.
MLBTV is now running a commercial from Piercing Pagoda 1-2x between each half inning. Reasonably sure they are missing their target audience.
The Orioles bullpen survived the 8th, but I’m pretty sure that was Earl Weaver rolling over in his grave when Means was taken out after the 7th (3 H, 2 R, 1 BB, 9 K, 93 pitches).
Is the speed difference between Murphy and Machin THAT different?
Seems like it could have been managed so that Elvis was not up now.
Safe goddamnit
Man, I know it’s tough not to swing at slow stuff, but he’s basically thrown at least 4 balls in every at bat
Well FK crashing meant we had to stew quietly as Andrus made the last out. Maybe that was for the best.
Can olson open his eye yet?
I think I would have preferred 1 eyed Olson to Old Elvis.
On that ninth inning:
-I was a little surprised Machin couldn’t go first to third on Chapman’s single.
-Saving Brown for Andrus would have made a lot more sense.
-The overturned double play makes me value replay a little more. Having to live with a call that bad would have been terrible.
Excellent Derby-themed chapter of Peanutball! LOL at “Goddamnfuckinsumbitch pay good money need to watch the MANDALOUN” he slurred…”
Consensus is (and I agree) it’s a wide-open Derby this year so I settled on using trainers who have won the Derby in the past. My top pick is Known Agenda (trained by Todd Pletcher–2 Derby wins) who is undefeated since adding blinkers two back. He’s raced four times at 1 1/8 miles so 1 1/4 miles seems well within his reach. There’s enough speed in the race for him to stalk the pacesetters from the inside just as he did in his Florida Derby win. In the past, the rail draw may have been a hindrance but not so since they now employ a single starting gate with 20 stalls and the inside post is out farther from the rail (the late scratch of King Fury also benefits as they’ll likely move the rail stall over by one). With Mattress Mack betting $1-2 million on likely favorite Essential Quality I have to look elsewhere to take advantage of the value against him. $10 win on Known Agenda (which will be refunded by my wagering platform should he finish 2nd or 3rd.)
Second pick goes to the Bob Baffert(6 Derby wins)-trained Medina Spirit who’s never been worse than 2nd in five starts and was wide against a purported inside track bias last time in the Santa Anita Derby when runner-up to perfect tripper and wire-winner Rock Your World.
3rd choice to the top two will be Hot Rod Charlie trained by Doug O’Neill (2 Derby wins) who ran a bang-up race winning the Louisiana Derby on the pace throughout and who finished a neck and nose behind a winning Medina Spirit two back.
Win bets on #1 Known Agenda, #8 Medina Spirit and #9 Hot Rod Charlie.
Exacta and trifecta boxes with those three as well.
Stomper is all in on Hot Rod Charlie, and Primera likes Hot Rod Charlie and Soup and Sandwich, so I’ll back those plays somehow.
I too like Known Agenda, but am less sanguine about the rail. Highly Motivated continues to look great to me and I hope the >10-1 odds hold. Will post my bets a little later.
Great pick of Medina Spirit, I didn’t think he’d get the lead so well.
Can he pitch?
Perhaps, but now he’s suspended for 80 games so it doesn’t matter.
It has certainly occurred to me that the well-publicized race horse mortalities might be related to doping gone bad.
Some of them are probably related to perfectly-legal-in-the-US doping (lasix) gone bad also.
There’s a bunch of causes, the UK horse death rate is lower, but hard to isolate how much is banned meds versus more prevalent turf surfaces. Fundamentally I think the biggest cause is breeding practices, which reward speed at a young age over solid foundations for long life.
I think we can agree that Bob Baffert is a hall of fame bullshit artist.
I presume Ice Cream will be donating his Medina Spirit winnings to a worthy charity.
Perhaps pay it into a compensation for anyone who had Mandaloun at 26-1, now named the winner, which would’ve been a cool $50 return on a $2 win bet. Now it’s worth bupkis.
WHOA would be the place to go.
I thought andeux’s pie might be called to a higher duty at the Coliseum. If Andrus can hit anybody anymore you’d think it would be a pitcher like Valdez. andeux and Mrs. andeux, enjoy the pie.
That graphic with the wind arrows moving every direction at once is utterly incomprehensible.
brown at first over moreland is in anticiaption of a double switch thing?
Bob maybe should have been more specific than “Let’s hit Matt Harvey.”
There was a day with a field like this, with all the early speed, I’d look for a closer to come from way back for the win. That just doesn’t seem to happen anymore in the Derby though. Something like 9 of last 10 winners have been within two lengths of the lead before home stretch (citation needed). So I’m looking for a horse who will stay close early, but also meets the “final fractions” test, suggesting that they can maintain this speed while running a furlong or so longer than ever before.
I love Highly Motivated (17), meets those criteria, has improved two straight so may be sitting on a big race, and by style and post stands a decent chance of a clean trip for Javier Castallano. Also like Hot Rod Charlie (9), 4/4 board and two wins despite some challenging trips, should serve him well in the huge field. And Known Agenda (1) might have been my win pick were in not for that rail spot, and some hesitation about greenness on this huge stage. But he looked great winning the Florida Derby last out. Also a fan of Soup and Sandwich (19) who won me some scratch running a good second in that race.
I’ll only put the favorite Essential Quality (14) at the bottom of a trifecta. He’s been great, undefeated, a deserving fave, but it is hard to maintain great form every time out, and I’m not sure where his pace fits in this crowd, could run into traffic or just not fire. No value on the win end for me. Sainthood (5), O Besos (6), and Super Stock (18) will round out the bottom of my trifecta.
$50 ticket goes:
$10 Win 17
$5 Win Place 9 = $10
$3 Show 19
$1 Exacta Box 1,9,17,19 = $12
$1 Trifecta Box 1,9,17 = $6
$0.50 Trifecta 17/1,9,19/1,5,6,9,14,18,19 = $9
And the X-factor is that none of these horses has raced in front of a crowd before due to COVID-19 restrictions. Who knows how they’ll react to the noise of 50,000 people? Something freaky could happen.
What a joke.
Ugh.
Quite the defensive display this inning.
Jesus..who told team 1st week to show up again.
This is pathetic.
fking clownshow
I’m gonna watch my 12 year old’s team. It will be a better option played game than this
Edit to add: better played game. Strike option
Seven innings 3-1 game, 1 error
Ugly inning? Or the ugliest inning ever?
Not sure if folks have seen differently, but I’m not seeing much from Garcia defensively to justify his Andrus level bat offensively.
Yeah, I was hoping for a little more on both ends.
They definitely need more if they’re going to sit Murphy as much as they have.
I think he has a problem catching Luzardo specifically, seems surprised by the pitch movement at least a few times each time.
I got home, put away the groceries, turned on the game, and switched it off after 3 batrers. That may be a record for the middle of the game.
What is canha’s walk up music? Sounds like it’s not Madonna anymore
It’s really discouraging to see Luzardo and Montas get so little out of their insane talent. It’s still early and it seems like pitchers can definitely have an “aha” moment that leads to a quick turnaround, but this level of inconsistency is going to sink this team.
This for sure. Especially Frankie, who has at least tasted sustained success at this level. On the bright side, the light bulb may yet turn on for both of them. Hopefully while still wearing green and gold.
This ties nicely to the Fiers discussion last night. Clearly he has very little stuff left, but he does what he can with it. Im almost at the point that Jesus needs to go to the pen or TAS to get some sustained success.
Bob Baffert and Bill Belichik together is quite a locus of evil.
Apparently signing up with Team Satan has its rewards.
Oh for fucks sake Baffert even credits Belichik in his interview. Some times the maleficence shows itself in plain view.
Three straight good outings for Guerra.
Mike Tirico notes that My Old Kentucky Home has been played prior to the race since the 1800s.
Oh my god that was dangerous.
Olson back in the lineup today.
More A’s runs please?
Huh.
I hope he didn’t take his frustration out on the dugout wall.
Desk puncher doesn’t quite have the same ring to it as chair puncher.
The Beane A’s generally haven’t put up with self inflicted stupidity like this – I wonder if they’ll decide that the best way Luzardo can now help this team is by being a part of a deadline trade package.
If the A’s were even offering Luzardo with his great potential it would make me think they’d concluded his issues ran quite deep. I hope and assume that’s not the case.
If it happens, it’s a confluence of multiple things: team in contention but with clear holes, lack of other viable trade assets due to bad farm system, window determined to be closing on the Matts, etc. So Luzardo not developing as quickly as hoped (not pitching well/not pitching period because of this blunder) may not be the sole reason to trade him, but it becomes an additional consideration.
So essentially if they determine his ability to achieve his potential is not matching up with the current window, moving him for an established high end starter with a year or so of control might be in the cards (similar to Russell – Samardzija).
Also my BS Detector is giving me a High reading here. Do we really think this happened before his start and they sent him out to pitch with a bashed finger anyway, or did the self-inflicted injury happen after that horrid inning which was compounded by a couple ugly errors?
Said Detector is only reading Moderate on Olson taking a rebound off the L-screen rather than being punched by Piscotty over a card game, but it is giving me a reading.
I dunno, wouldn’t you rather the public believe that you bashed your finger in over a bad start than a video game? Not saying either scenario is great, but the latter definitely seems worse to me since you immaturely hurt yourself and the team over something that’s not even related to baseball.
The whole team gets hurts EXCEPT El Vez.
You rang?
Canha sets the HBP record, acknowledges the (mostly nonexistent) cheers by tipping his hat when he gets to first.
Who even is this Hayes guy?
Weems still not inspiring confidence that he knows where his pitches are going.
Also Diekman.
Andrus’ defense is so disappointing.
When you’ve had enough of watching the A’s bumble their way through this series, here’s an interview with John Swartzwelder.
I was very surprised Murphy tried for 3rd. But I always want aggressiveness so wont complain.
Really making the whole panoply of mistakes in this series. Multi-dimensional terrible baseball.
AND THATS WHY I WANT AGGRESSIVENESS!
Ramon!
RAMON!
Ramon!
LAUREANO!!
Ramon!!
NO, IT’S RAMON!
Laureano is just not going to let us lose this game. He should probably pitch the ninth.
Goddamn Ramon is the FKing man. This team looked like it was on the verge of another spiral but this man singlehandedly is saying no fucking way.
I think Im onboard the Ramon to SS train now.
Ramon. Ramon.
That’s the 4th time Canha has had that exact same chance. Now 2-for-4.
Not swept!
And Jesús wept.
A really nice profile on Marcus Semien.
Sigh.
This feels so seedy.
How long before Kaval starts dismissively OK Boomering fans who want to use credit cards?
New ballpark to be built with no fiat currency. Just increasingly obscure meme cryptocurrencies and future project tax revenues.
Why settle for 100 Dogecoin when I’m willing to pay 250 Soakercoin? #SoakercoinToUranus
What’s the ratio of Dogecoins to Soakercoins?
The same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns.
Really embarrassing…
But it’s actually not a bad deal if you want to go to one of the games. At the moment the price of a Dogecoin is $0.4284 (which is up from about $0.38 this morning). It looks like full fare is $38/seat, so that’s about half price.
Holy shit, from $0.4284 yesterday afternoon to $0.5736 right now, 20 hours later. Still better than full price but not by that much.
Let’s pray Billy had invested the midseason pick up fund in it and has now gotten out.
That “two-seat pod” will cost you 100 Dogecoin = $6.69 at the moment. #DogecoinToTheDeadSea
While Kaval counts his Dogecoin…
More Brown and Moreland against lefties please.
…my first drk?