Can’t sleep. 6 hour naps do that to ya. Lounge.
*Happy ending is not guaranteed, Mike.
177 thoughts on “The Happy Ending* Lounge”
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Can’t sleep. 6 hour naps do that to ya. Lounge.
*Happy ending is not guaranteed, Mike.
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Would you rather bite your tongue or get a paper cut every day for the rest of your life?
Two weeks ago I bit my tongue so hard that it left a giant tooth sized hole in it that took over two weeks for it to heal. But I’d take that over a cardboard cut.
I don’t understand Facebook sometimes. Someone posts a message about a relative dying and people like it? Why, you sick fuck?
Antisocial media?
Like
to “Like” is not to actually express liking something or the liking what it refers to, but simply to support its posting or to acknowledge, “Yes, I saw this and I agree with the thing you want me to agree with.”
That said, I have “Liked” a grand total of three or four things in my entire Facebook career.
I also belive FB makes people “like” stuff that they don’t actually click like.
Thanks, and go As.
I “like” stuff to make the person feel better.
I’d rather have a “hug” button, personally.
I think what you’re referring to is that if you “Like” a brand or a page, like Wal-Mart or Best Buy or something, and then that page posts something, you may show up as having “Liked” the brand/page in such a fashion as makes it appear that you “Liked” the post.
“People who liked Walmart and Best Buy also liked:
* Blackwater Security
* Comcast
* Satan”
Like
Don’t get me started on liking pages!
WHERE DOES THAT GO?!
Never ever ever like pages. It only leads to evil, vile things.
If I like a band or festival page, I want their posts in my timeline.
This guy tried an experiment of just liking everything that facebook showed him. There some crazy paths of algorithmic free association and he demolished all of his friends’ timelines in the process.
The same place as the dog poop from Envy.
No, I think FB actually makes people “like” a brand or a page without you knowing.
I randomly see people like stuff like T-mobile or Walmart or something and I know they wouldn’t bother with it.
Thanks, and go As.
I like Nothing and Like it!
They probably “Liked” it for some contest or something.
I accidentally “liked” some stupid-ass thing that one of my “friends” had “liked” the other day, and I was totally panicked trying to figure out how to undo what I had done so that everyone I know wouldn’t be getting notifications that “Glorious Mundy likes beer, bacon, and BJs.” I finally figured out how to undo it after clicking about four pages deep into my profile, and I was sweating, let me tell you.
(Not that I don’t actually like those things, mind you. I just don’t “like” them.)
I also don’t understand instagram.
Take selfies and/or pictures of food.
Apply shitty filters like sepia, b&w, or super duper color saturation.
Post them so people can ask you to post back on their feed.
Thanks, and go As.
You know it’s bad when people have to add some kind of “no filter” tag to photos.
Sounds like you need to start with this.
Every time I read about ISIS, I think about Archer.
LANA!
WHAT
Thanks, and go As.
ebola. in sacto. (unconfirmed.) let’s panic anyway.
I’m ready.
Wait, what?
I like this:
UNLIKELY? That sounds like the health department equivilent of day-to-day.
nah. i’m hearing “patient can only afford cost-benefit analysis insurance tier.”
Interesting NPR piece I heard the other day about medical language.
Yeah, these numbers are on every drug accompanying leaflet in EU
they’re probably here too. if only we’d open, much less read, those leaflets.
If we read those leaflets, we likely wouldn’t bother taking the drug to begin with. Those things read like they’re saying” Goodbye and so long message, but thanks for using our drug, the advertising department can now afford to send their kids to private school and the one single guy can afford the fancy hooker instead of the street walker!”
i enjoy reading cellphone booklets for the braintumor may-or-maynot danceabout.
The Lino Lakes, Minnesota (pop. 14,837) police department is trending on Twitter in Minneapolis. Why?
What no donuts?
That’s awesome.
Poppin Fresh indeed.
I’m informed the A’s will be doing a team Ice Bucket Challenge at the end of today’s game, with fans participating; if you’re going, head for the right field bleachers at the end of the game.
An ice bucket dropped from the RF bleachers could really hurt someone. Will Bob Geren be participating?
I am so over that.
HASHTAG DROUGHT
Thanks, and go As.
Is anyone actually donating money?
Why donate when they can dump a bucket of water over their heads and challenge someone else do it as well for free?
Or, do both.
They’ve gotten almost $32M in donations because of the ice bucket challenge going viral. During the same amount of time last year they got less than $2M in donations.
Thanks, and go As.
And shouldnt it be iced water? It seems like more and more I’m seeing small buckets and judging from the reactions the water may be just below room temperature. Soon it will be “splash your face in the sink”.
I enjoyed the Hawk Harrelson one because the mascot not only drenched him, it also hit him pretty hard with the bucket.
I recognize a few people in these:
I see Rollie! And Rickey!
and Crimschlong and Cookie and Joshie!
And Josh and Will!
As I’ve said elsewhere, it’s time for rich folks to up the ante. Fuck the #icebucketchallenge. Bring on the #shitbucketchallenge.
#TheUncontrollableDiarrheaOnYourBestFriendsHeadChallenge?
I think I want to grow a beard.
There are ways we can go about this.
In the future I would like to be advised of happy endings lounges in time to get me some.
Now serving number 12.
Checks number…
134721589
I’m gonna be here awhile.
Happy endings are overrated. It’s all about meaningful middles.
And journeys
You!
Thanks, and go As.
Hi!
Hi!
Thanks, and go As.
Bastard! You still owe me money!
a. that was mean
b. wait, what?
Thanks, and go As.
For opening day. Please don’t my love, because that would suck.
Whatever, it’s fine. I’m not willing to lose a friendship over money.
oh shit.
you’re right. I’ll get it to you.
Thanks, and go As.
When you can. I love you and miss you, sweetheart.
absolutely.
i’ms orry. i totally forgot. dick move, and not the pierced kind.
Thanks, and go As.
I know. It’s cool. I’m just glad you’re happy.
Everything ends badly, or else it wouldnt end.
Nothing ends, ever, undless you decide it does.
today in the annals of cop talk, switching between the active voice and the passive in the middle of a conjunction.
i kept wondering… just how determined was he? they couldn’t talk him out of it??
Sometimes you get
a bulletan idea in your head and nothing can talk you out of it“NO. NO. I AM DEAD. I’M NOT LISTENING TO YOU BECAUSE I CAN’T HEAR YOU BECAUSE I’M DEAD MY MOM SAID I COULD BE ANYTHING I WANTED WHEN I GREW UP AND NOW I WANT TO BE DECEASED”
Since I am a bureaucrat I have a desk drawer filled with thousands of paper clips. Since I am bored and an A’s fan, I have just separated out all of the green and gold ones and connected them into a chain and hung it on my wall like a Christmas popcorn garland. The upcoming hot streak is now assured.
Does it spell out Oakland Athletics in paper clip cursive?
There’s something beyond awesome about this.
ahhh… finally, my tax money at work.
Colored paper clips? Oooh you fancy!
I know, right? I am a huge net taker of paper clips…people send me 100x more documents than I send out…so I make a point of hoarding the fancy colorful ones. They in turn brighten up the inside of my desk drawers, or in today’s case the office walls. So if I send you a document with a colored paper or binder clip it means I really like you.
We used to hoard empty calculator tape rolls and joke when we filled up our desk drawers we got to retire.
I have a few I’ve gotten that they will have to pry from my cold, dead hands: 5 that are dog bone shaped! and one that is a giant paperclip over 4″ tall.
i’ll trade you. a paperclip for a paperclip story.
whoa
Today was my annual visit with the nurse-practitioner in the oncology clinic where I got (probably over-) treated for a microscopic smidgen of not-exactly-cancer-now-but-it-might-be-someday three years ago. As with all Kaiser staff, she is trained to be chatty and assess the member’s overall wellness, which I appreciate, but I also know that anything other than a pleasant, positive answer is going to make trouble for me.
Nurse: So did you have a good summer?
Me: Yes, great. I took a long vacation and really relaxed. (True)
Nurse: Great! Are you still exercising?
Me: Yes, I walk about 20 minutes each morning. (Not really true, but the correct answer)
Nurse: Great! And how’s work?
Me: Pretty good. (Again, not really true, but the correct answer)
Nurse: Great! And what do you do for fun?
Me: I go to baseball games. (True, of course)
Nurse: Oh, Giants fan, huh?
Me: GOD NO, AAAHHH!
Fail. I can see her typing “seems unusually stressed” into my chart…
however you roll
Giants fans would be more stressed than A’s fans, except that they don’t care anywhere near as much as we do.
true, and a tagline to boot!
One of my favorite things to do at work is to just type and let people dig themselves into a hole. Sometimes I’m not even typing what they think I’m typing, but when you type while having a conversation they get worried. Once a lady actually told me, “No, don’t type that. Don’t put that in there.” Sometimes people just can’t put the shovel down and I have to open up a Word document to type up my note. I’ll add all the important stuff to a Word document as I’m completing the triage, then paste into a final note so I can sort out the bullshit. And quoting the patient directly is THE BEST.
“Pt states she ‘ain’t no slut’.”
“I swear, I have no idea how it got into my rectum.”
One patient this week had a good LOL line. We had just delivered the news that he was going to have emergency surgery. I came in and said, “We have to get you to surgery ASAP. My nursey friend is going to come in and we’re going to tag team you to get everything done before you go.”
“Oh my God. Two nurses? Tag teaming me? I’ve dreamt of this my entire life.”
Also, I didn’t know MikeV had surgery this week.
If that’s part of the hospital procedure, MikeV’s having surgery every week.
I’m in!
people constantly confuse baseball talk with small talk. it’s like, don’t bring up baseball if you want to talk about transubstantiation or a 3-party congress or something insignificant like that.
Anyone going to the game tomorrow? I’m trying to make it, not for sure yet, and no tickets yet in hand.
I am (FKing season tickets)
If I make it I’ll be in the usual lot spot for pregame beers. Also happy to learn that you’re not one of the guys shot dead in Strawberry Manor last night.
Yikes. Hadn’t heard that.
You’d think you’d know if you had been shot dead last night.
That’s a deep question.
Looking over some college football items, I missed something from last week:
We open the season next Saturday in Evanston, seeking revenge for last season’s thrashing at the hands of the Mildcats.
Excellent. Although given both schools’ mediocre football history there’s a significant chance they both suck in one or both of those meetings.
Question for the regular game goers who get promotion items.
Sunday, Gates open at 3 and parking lot opens at noon. When do I need to be there to make sure Lil Miss Aces can get her handson a unicorn backpack?
I’m not a promo item guy, but my sense is that these backpacks are especially prized, thus likely to run out early. If your tickets are from someone’s season ticket package you might improve your chances by entering at the ST holders gate.
They are actually from our Season ticket plan. Can I go to the ST gate with just my tickets? Or do I need a secret password?
your tickets should be enough there should be a code on it somewhere.
look for “st” or something
Don’t you have to have that little badge thing? I had to take Poppy’s hubby’s when I went with her. He had to go to the non-ST holder line.
I don’t know, I haven’t used that entrance this year. but in the past its not been a problem
I’m not an ST holder (this year, I will be next year), but the way it’s been explained to me is that officially you’re supposed to have your ST holder ID card, but in reality the tickets alone are enough.
Note that the ST holders line will also run out of the items, just perhaps not quite as early as the proletarian lines do.
Which is hopefully enough. I am hoping to get their via BART around noon and head down. I will be taking my tablet with at least one movie and book for the girl, and enoughwater and snacks to keep us occupied until the gates open.
I just have to hide my beer in some container so the girl doesnt shame me the whole time for drinking while we wait.
The suite entrance next to the season ticket holder entrance, on the Oracle plaza, is also usually a good bet. You don’t have to have suite tickets to use it, and once you’re in, the elevator to the West Side Club is right there. The suite entrance from the BART plaza, on the other hand, is for suiteholders only.
also, go to the main entrance, not the bart bridge or south lot. its smoothest there
also, make sure to show up Saturday. Not because you need to actually be there on Saturday to make sure you get it (though it wouldn’t hurt), but because A’s baseball is awesome and should be viewed often.
If only. I’m already worried that 3-4 hrs in a line is going to end up with me having to take a stir crazy little girl home early. In my favor-if things go well she canalso take a little broom and wave it around at the end of the game, which she has always wanted to do.
Already pathetic Red Sox will be without Ortiz, Middlebrooks and Napoli against the Angels tonight
“Y U no try?”
Nobody mails it in at the end of a bad season like the Boston Red Sox. Is there a fried chicken and beer spread in the clubhouse during the game tonight?
That might explain why Yo “left the game due to a personal matter”.
Saw it reported someone in his family is having a health concern of some kind.
And of course, they get one-hit
The combined value of the Red Sox lineup last night was a wRC+ of 81. The worst season mark this year in MLB belongs to the Padres at 83. SO, yeah, fuck the Red Sox.
Contract the Red Sox.
utterly useless
Came home tonight to a HUGE FKING SPIDER lowering itself towards the bed. Linea alba got it out of the house, but I’m still freaked out.
when are you putting the place up for sale
Thanks, and go As.
If it weren’t for my wife, I’d probably have already burned the place down.
tell her to go to the store real quick
Thanks, and go As.
I initially read that as “STRIPPER” and the context of this comment go spun on it’s beautifully, wonderful, head.
This every episode ever of the Simpsons marathon is bad news for those of us predisposed to not sleeping. Also, best TV show ever.
Can’t sleep. Clown will eat me.
I watched that one yesterday! So many good lines in that one. “Iron helps us play!”
it’s 4 minutes into stoppage, you’re down 1-0 in the last final of the season, the one that is more an academic exercise than something to prove, the one that comes so late in the season it’s still too early into next season to be in shape for, the game’s been somewhat even since the second minute when there was a mistake, a mistake you can even out right now, with the ball heading toward your general direction from the corner, this is it, one last play, when you show if not your skill, and not your emotional maturity, at least your class… and that’s exactly what CR7 does.
Christ, what an asshole
or, in deconstructese: cristi(ano)
Huh. Somebody needs to ask the question, “What’s the matter with Timmeh?” Cuz that was some real suckage right there.
Just procured some very expensive value deck tix for tonight!
Last night my single ticket in Plaza IF cost me $42. The other tix I got for games the rest of the way through were also well above list. The A’s are definitely making good use of their dynamic pricing as demand rises and their capacity remains small.
I like having dogs. It’s like I have my very own entourage. I get home and they greet me at the door like they’ve waited hours to see me, even if it’s only been a couple of minutes.
They’re the best. Mine got baths today. However Figgy will likely cost me a small fortune next week as she has a fractured tooth.
I just had to pay for dental work on my cat this month. Brutal.
$1500 bucks. But he said he’d clean the other ones at the same time, so…yay? I honestly thought it would be worse.
Ok, wow. Maybe I got off easy then.
We were looking at an initial estimate of $800-900, but then they put her under anesthesia, took x-rays, and found that the missing/fractured tooth had been fully resorbed, so there was nothing left to remove. So I ended up with just a $550 bill for x-rays and teeth cleaning. That, and a pissed off, drugged up cat.
I’ve heard anecdotally that cleaning can be a grand, so am very glad he can do it at the same time which will at least save double anesthesia, etc. I know she will be just miserable tonight.
Dogs are the best. It’s people what suck.
Dogs are okay, I guess. If you don’t like to have to earn affection from an animal. Cats make you feel like you deserve love.
Just look at Jon Arbuckle.
Amen. Preach brother!
My cats do the same thing. And they also follow me around the house when I putter around.
Because you deserve it.
That I do.
so i went to the new sfgate, or as i like to call it, six geometric sans serifs in search of an author…
It still looks the same to me.
oh, now i see a corner button about leaving the beta test.
I want to see it. Is there a different URL for the beta?
nope. same old http://www.sfgate.com .
as i left the beta testing, it told me if i clear my cookies i might be chosen again. so maybe clear your cookies in case they gave you the no-testing cookie?
This has been happending to me on occasion also, in the 5 days since the rollout. Weirdly they keep going back to the old layout momentarily, usually the first time I visit on a day, then it goes back to the new ugly clickbait layout. The Chron’s in a bad spiral from which it may not emerge.
there is noboby out gags
out. dumb ass gags
Simpsons writers live-tweeting their episodes is filling me with joy. And I’m not even watching because I don’t have cable.
I’m kind of curious whether Simpsons twitter is going to turn ugly next week when the shitty seasons start rolling through.
Right now I’m laughing at the mere mention of the scene in Who Shot Mr. Burns where Moe takes the lie detector test.
We countered an offer, the counter was accepted, I signed the offer, and we are opening escrow. The house is being sold.
Does this mean Portland is happening? It’s a beautiful city and as you know a lot of us will tell you more about it than you’d care to know. (Rent for a year then do what’s right for you.)
Most likely, yes. Thinking of taking the train up first to scout some areas to rent, then moving stuff up afterward.
You sure you don’t want to move to Kansas? It’s REALLY humid here.
You had me at “don’t”
I’ve been taking a FK break lately, so missed this. What’s the current news on the move?
I resemble this remark.