F(il)K ← FREE KRAUT! ← Page 2

The Setup Man – dedicated to Jerry Blevins 48

Well I get up in the seventh, yeah, And I’m done with work in the ninth I got no time for warming, yeah I’m pitching all the time They say I can’t pitch the ninth But pitch the eighth they say I can I guess that’s why they call me They call me the setup ...

FKin’ Bold Dan Straily (and farewell Employee #8) 277

Original here: (apologies to The Boss) Bold Dan Straily was a fine young guy, Thought he’d give hardball a try, Has more strikeouts than any flinger, He’s got lightnin’ in his fingers. So get out the way, of bold Dan Straily, It’s past time to be Triple A-ly. Minors ‘r over, major leagues is waitin’, ...

Base Runner, part 2 6

[Part 1 here.] EXT. OAKLAND The rainy dystopian hellscape of downtown Oakland. A man in capri pants, sandals, and a trench coat scrolls down the screen on an iPad. This is BILL BEANENERD. We hear his narration in voiceover. BEANENERD (VO) They don’t advertise for general managers on craigslist. That was my profession. Ex-player, ex-Base ...

Base Runner 45

TITLE CRAWL Early in the 21st Century, THE BASEBALL CORPORATION advanced prospect evaluation into the PROSPECTUS phase — a player virtually identical to replacement level — known as a Prefreeagent. The PROSPECTUS 6 Prefreeagents were superior in strength and agility, and at least equal in intelligence, to the sabermetric engineers who created them. Prefreeagents were ...

Le Free(k) 56

LE FREE(K) Ahh Free Kraut! [Le Free(k), OC] Free Kraut! Ahh Free Kraut! [Le Free(k), OC] Free Kraut! Have you heard about this blog/food craze? Come and make it and talk about the A’s Big fun to be had by everyone It’s up to you, we surely ban no one Young and old are doing ...

Happy Kraut Tamping Day! 320

I’ve been tamping my kraut all morning. My people traditionally perform a F(il)K of one of The Old Songs on this Day of Tamping, but I’m conflicted — “Tamp the Kraut Down” is a perfect title, but the tone and narrative is inappropriate for a day of celebration (plus, who would the bilious target be? ...

The GodF(il)Ker 204

Or should that be “The Grilk”? Courtesy of Weigel: Imagine there’s no pizza I couldn’t if I tried Eating only tacos Or Kentucky Fried Imagine only burgers It’s frightening and sad You’re lucky you have pizza To feed for kids for you Only frosting or cookies And no dishes you must do Imagine eating pizza ...

Okay, barack to the drawing board. 18

Notes to self: No more crude double-e’s. Time to switch back to Alleve. A’s content preferred.

Game 26: Big Iron 57

Written and first performed by the O.G. (original gunfighter) Marty Robbins. So you really gotta keep a twangy 4/4 western/polka beat in your head while reading. Better still, listen to a few bars to get the tune down first, either from one the Marty Robbins renditions on youtube, or from this awesome Mike Ness cover ...

Oakland 14

In honor of the A’s first Little League day of the year and Paul Simon swinging through the Bay Area next week: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXn-iY7bJTU [Original lyrics here] OAKLAND The Oakland Estuary was gleaming Like a Louisville Slugger I am following the water Down the Nimitz To the cradle at Hegenberger I’m going to Oakland Oakland Meant ...