In which monkeyball gnaws morosely on bitter leaves of ignominy cabbage … and opens up a DLD ← FREE KRAUT!

In which monkeyball gnaws morosely on bitter leaves of ignominy cabbage … and opens up a DLD 114

  1. Is the image of a) a red cabbage or b) a monkey brain?
  2. Mr Monkey tours Old Cabbagetown
  3. Do skunk apes eat skunk cabbage?
you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come

114 thoughts on “In which monkeyball gnaws morosely on bitter leaves of ignominy cabbage … and opens up a DLD

  1. Leopold Bloom May 21,2009 6:26 pm

    I see red cabbage and monkey brain soup.

    • monkeyball May 21,2009 6:32 pm || Up

      You don’t prefer them chilled?
      chilled

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
      • Leopold Bloom May 21,2009 6:39 pm || Up

        you can have em in soup, or chilled, or monkey brains au gratin, monkey brain kabobs, monkey brain fettuccine, monkey brain and short ribs, fried monkey brains with special sauce, monkey brains and ketchup, monkey brain tartar….

        • Razr May 22,2009 9:22 am || Up

          I prefer mine al dente

          "Quit your jibber jabber fool!" - Mr. T
  2. Leopold Bloom May 21,2009 6:29 pm

    Well, Cabbagetown kinds looks like it blows, but the flag’s cool. Can we make a FK flag?

  3. Razr May 22,2009 9:22 am

    So where are all the Krauts? Or is that Krauthors ;)

    "Quit your jibber jabber fool!" - Mr. T
  4. monkeyball May 22,2009 9:41 am
    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • andeux May 22,2009 9:49 am || Up

      Eight-year-olds, dude.

      TINSTAAFK
      • green star oakland May 22,2009 10:33 am || Up
        If this is His will, He's a son of a bitch.
    • Leopold Bloom May 22,2009 4:28 pm || Up

      So, MB, you’re going to tease me with that and then not show me a picture. Nice.

      • monkeyball May 22,2009 4:37 pm || Up

        That’s something you should ask JediLeroy for.

        you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  5. monkeyball May 22,2009 9:42 am
    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • xbhaskarx May 22,2009 10:08 am || Up

      I enjoyed that column, I hope he keeps doing it.

      • monkeyball May 22,2009 10:35 am || Up

        Really, xbx? You want to encourage Neyer to keep ripping off bad SNL features?

        (This was more enjoyable than a lot of Neyer’s recent material.)

        you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
        • xbhaskarx May 22,2009 10:38 am || Up

          Since I don’t watch SNL, it would be new to me.

    • andeux May 22,2009 10:23 am || Up

      Really, Rob Neyer? You want teams to make major personnel decisions based entirely on what’s happened in less than two months?
      (Not applicable to the Oakland one, obviously.)

      TINSTAAFK
      • xbhaskarx May 22,2009 10:30 am || Up

        Sure, in a lot of cases the team probably can’t do much about it, but it’s still fun to read. And really he’s presenting it as just snark, not as some serous analysis.

      • andeux May 22,2009 3:53 pm || Up

        GMs not as skeptical:
        Kazmir to the DL
        Eaton released

        TINSTAAFK
    • monkeyball May 22,2009 4:38 pm || Up
      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  6. monkeyball May 22,2009 9:43 am

    OK, I know Neyer is being funny here

    I’m happy to have my BBWAA membership, after all these years; if you’re counting, Rob Neyer is the proud owner of Badge No. 690

    — but I think it’d be great if someone actually designed a BBWAA badge, complete with Latin motto.

    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • green star oakland May 22,2009 10:39 am || Up

      “In numeri veritas”

      If this is His will, He's a son of a bitch.
      • monkeyball May 22,2009 10:47 am || Up

        “Non jubilemus in camerae inscribarum”

        (I know, that’s awful pidgin.)

        you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
        • the dogfather May 22,2009 6:55 pm || Up

          Intertubunum? Hah! — un fadum ephemeralis.

          The meaning of life is not so much found, as it is Made. -- Opus
  7. monkeyball May 22,2009 9:46 am

    Seems as if it’s not just the A’s — everyone wastes a roster spot on an unused shitty Rule Fiver.

    Hmmm, could it possibly have anything to do with teams coincidentally all working to ensure that everyone has at least one roster spot making MLB minimum?

    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • Razr May 22,2009 9:54 am || Up

      mb, I think you’re onto something here. In other team-stupidity news, how in God’s name does Gabe Kapler continue to (not)hit for the Rays while Zobrist who is hitting a ton better plays less? (In the interest of disclosure, I happen to own Zobrist on my fantasy team). Come on Maddon – do the right thing.

      "Quit your jibber jabber fool!" - Mr. T
      • monkeyball May 22,2009 10:04 am || Up

        Zobrist and Bartlett — WTF?!?

        you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  8. monkeyball May 22,2009 9:51 am

    Coupla days late … Goodman on BB s2e11

    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  9. monkeyball May 22,2009 9:59 am
    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • batgirl May 22,2009 10:37 am || Up

      I’d been fairly lukewarm on Braden in previous years, but he’s really growing on me. And he must be LB’s favorite now with his assesment of florida.

      I particularly enjoyed:

      “I was bitter to quite bitter about it,” Braden said.

      • Leopold Bloom May 22,2009 4:33 pm || Up

        Agrd. And like they mentioned on AN last night, I miss the ‘fro…my big brother had a beauty of a ‘fro, growing up. Now he owns a sign shop and is the reason I’m stuck in this shitty, shitty state. Is there a connection? I’ll leave it for you to judge.

  10. nevermoor May 22,2009 10:01 am
    "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
    • xbhaskarx May 22,2009 10:06 am || Up

      Those are pretty sweet. I had no idea LEGO almost went bankrupt a few years ago…

  11. nevermoor May 22,2009 10:05 am

    Finally… Geren’s on the DFA DFA2 train.

    “He had plenty of time to get back halfway and read it,” Geren said. “He went back too far. You can’t make that mistake at this level, especially if that (baserunning) is your job.”

    "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
    • monkeyball May 22,2009 10:11 am || Up

      “He had plenty of time to get online and read up on his players’ platoon splits,” Beane said. “He played Crosby far too much. You can’t make that mistake at this level, especially if that (starting the best players) is your job.”

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
      • mk May 22,2009 10:30 am || Up

        Hilarious.

      • andeux May 22,2009 10:41 am || Up

        Though there was no single “WTF?” horrible move, I thought yesterday’s game raised quite a few questions and problems about the current roster and lineup decisions:

        1. Did Travis Buck run over Geren’s dog or something?
        2. With Giambi and DH and Powell presumably semi-unavailable, not only were Crosby and Hannahan both in the lineup, but it was more or less impossible to pinch hit for either one of them. There wasn’t a particular time when I thought pinch-hitting would have been clearly right anyway (although sentiment around here seems to be that pinch-hitting for Crosby is always clearly right), but it would be nice to have the option.
        3. Why did we acquire and active Craig Breslow and then use Bailey and (especially) Ziegler against so many left-handed hitters in the ninth? Again, I’m not sure what the optimal move would have been, because three of those hitters were switch-hitters. But in the end, our pitchers just weren’t put in a position to succeed.
        3b. (Not related to management) Ziegler throwing strikes to the one RHB of the inning might have helped.
        4. Meta-question: Why the hell have we spent the last week or two carrying either 13 pitchers or 6 OF, causing (2) without solving (1) or (3)?

        TINSTAAFK
        • monkeyball May 22,2009 10:50 am || Up

          3. I think the A’s get points for not really caring who the closer is, and for (a lot of, if not most of, the time) using the best/most-apt reliever in the highest-leverage situation — they’ve done a lot more of that this year than previous years. But, yeah, they … didn’t do that yesterday. Throwing non-Brodaway-routed strikes would have been nice from both pitchers in the ninth.

          you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
        • mikeA May 22,2009 12:41 pm || Up

          3. I think it’s hard to complain about that. I would have been very surprised if they’d used Breslow there. TB didn’t have two straight lhbs coming up at any point, and in any case Breslow was recently dfa’d for sucking.

    • mk May 22,2009 10:29 am || Up

      So often, Davis appears to lack the sort of fundamental, learned intuition that comes with playing zillions of innings of baseball your whole life – baserunning, angles and breaks in the outfield, etc. He’s so, I don’t know, awkward. Uncertain. Mechanical. However fast he is, and whatever the metrics imply about his supposedly superfantastic abilities in CF, I refuse to be believe he is an above average defender. He just looks terrible out there.

      And if he can’t run the bases … or defend … or bunt … or hit …

      • xbhaskarx May 22,2009 10:41 am || Up

        Does anyone else remember the Rajai interview from around month after he joined the A’s?
        He credited the Pirates and Giants organizations with developing him into the player he is today. Exactly.

        • andeux May 22,2009 10:46 am || Up

          I don’t often praise Brian Sabean, but he really managed to improve his team by trading Matt Morris for Rajai Davis, and then Rajai Davis for nothing.

          TINSTAAFK
        • monkeyball May 22,2009 10:55 am || Up

          The Mobile Infantry made me the man I am today.

          you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
          • xbhaskarx May 22,2009 12:43 pm || Up

            Did you capture one of the brain bugs?

            • monkeyball May 22,2009 12:52 pm || Up

              I will keep fighting and I will win! Would you like to know more?

              you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  12. xbhaskarx May 22,2009 10:09 am
    • monkeyball May 22,2009 10:23 am || Up

      Things like this explain the face- and genital-eating retribution.

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  13. mk May 22,2009 10:34 am

    I demand a review of Sugar from one of Free Kraut’s resident cinephiles.

    monkeyball? xbhaskarx? bueller?

    • xbhaskarx May 22,2009 10:44 am || Up

      I hate almost every sports movie. But if other folks watch it and say it’s good, I’ll check it out.

      • mk May 22,2009 10:49 am || Up

        Half Nelson was pretty good. Same directing duo.

        • bbenny May 22,2009 12:08 pm || Up
          -A night you wouldn't conjure in your wildest alcoholic dream!
          • andeux May 22,2009 12:16 pm || Up

            It seems to have gotten poor reviews, though I’ll probably still see it if it ever plays near me.
            monkeyball, strangely, does not like Jarmusch.

            TINSTAAFK
            • monkeyball May 22,2009 12:29 pm || Up

              I haven’t seen anything he’s done in the last 20 years. My mild dislike of him is driven by (a) the tiresomeness of Down By Law and Stranger Than Paradise, and (b) the tiresomeness of his hipper-than-thou public persona.

              you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
              • xbhaskarx May 22,2009 12:37 pm || Up

                Dude, we suggested you watch Dead Man and Ghost Dog like three years ago, you should really check them out.

                • andeux May 22,2009 12:55 pm || Up

                  “Dead Man” doesn’t seem like the choice to convert someone who found the earlier films tiresome. “Ghost Dog” and “Broken Flowers” are probably the closest of his films to being mainstream. And I like “Mystery Train” and “Coffee and Cigarettes” for their sheer goofiness.

                  There is definitely a kind of self-satisfied hipness and winking at the audience in all of them, but it works for me. And he usually works in some stunning cinematography and great (and diverse) soundtracks.

                  TINSTAAFK
                • mikeA May 22,2009 1:11 pm || Up

                  Dead Man is great, though…. The first 20 minutes or so seem made for mb, although the rest might be considered tiresome. And who doesn’t love Neil Young? No one, that’s who. Dead Man and Ghost Dog also might get around the trademark of the self-designated-hipster-elite of putting Bill Murray in your hip movie.

                • andeux May 22,2009 1:42 pm || Up

                  He should get “Year of the Horse” for the scene where the guitarist tears into Jarmusch for being a hipster filmmaker. And because, yeah, Neil is just awesome.

                  TINSTAAFK
                • bbenny May 22,2009 1:48 pm || Up

                  I mean isn’t Dead Man worth it for the Crispin Glover cameo alone?

                  -A night you wouldn't conjure in your wildest alcoholic dream!
                • monkeyball May 22,2009 12:56 pm || Up

                  1. Chastened by mikeA’s smackdown, xbx resorts to the “we did that in a DLD 3 years ago” argument
                  2. You haven’t suggested how I can get past (b)

                  you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
                • mikeA May 22,2009 1:08 pm || Up

                  Just accept that he’s hipper than you thou.

  14. batgirl May 22,2009 10:38 am

    Something’s got to give. As the season wears on with these poorly played games, I find myself getting distracted and actually singing along to those damn MGD commercials.

    • bbenny May 22,2009 11:27 am || Up

      last week I had a draft beer when I was on a ?

      -A night you wouldn't conjure in your wildest alcoholic dream!
    • monkeyball May 22,2009 11:31 am || Up

      As much as I loathe those ads, for some reason I find the new Valero tune more insidious.

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
      • batgirl May 22,2009 12:47 pm || Up

        Are those the “free and easy down the road I go…” jingles?

  15. batgirl May 22,2009 10:39 am

    New theory–FSU can you test this? I seem to get the eternal “your comment is posting” thing when I post a new comment, but not when I reply to someone else’s comment. Is that by chance what is happening to you?

  16. nevermoor May 22,2009 10:55 am
    "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
    • monkeyball May 22,2009 10:58 am || Up

      Not that the other decision was all that great.

      [The starting shortstop is] the clear weak link in the [A’s] lineup right now and could find himself hitting at the bottom of the order if things don’t pick up soon.

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  17. monkeyball May 22,2009 11:07 am

    This is indeed kinda cool — but even if Matt’s suggestions were taken, it still wouldn’t make costs explicit. I think such a meter should announce, in a loud voice, “Jesus fucking Christ! You’re using too much god-damn power, you motherfucking lazy, wasteful sack of shit!”

    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • nevermoor May 22,2009 11:19 am || Up

      I like the tax idea, except of course that the oil companies would game the crap out of it.

      "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
  18. monkeyball May 22,2009 11:19 am

    You’re damn skippy I price my passions — FREE. KRAUT.

    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  19. monkeyball May 22,2009 11:46 am
    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • Leopold Bloom May 22,2009 4:40 pm || Up

      The moon is a dangerous enemy. It’s harboring fugitives. And cheese. Scads and scads of delicious, yummy cheese.

      Cheese-hoarding bastards.

  20. BruceBochte May 22,2009 11:53 am

    Hi Guys,

    I just want to say I’m happy I found this site. The other one has really gotten quite dull and corporate.

    It seems like everyone I liked to read hangs out here now…

    • monkeyball May 22,2009 11:58 am || Up

      Welcome! Good to see you again. Have a leaf of bitter ignominy cabbage.

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • nevermoor May 22,2009 12:02 pm || Up

      Yep, welcome.

      Now that monkey’s approved a comment, you won’t have to wait for moderation in the future.

      "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
      • monkeyball May 22,2009 12:06 pm || Up

        So long as xbx is around, he’ll get all the “moderation” he wants!

        you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
      • andeux May 22,2009 12:08 pm || Up

        Is there a way to see a list of all krauthors?
        And is there a way to see other krauthors’ profiles?

        TINSTAAFK
        • monkeyball May 22,2009 12:10 pm || Up

          Is the “dashboard” link visible in your floating UR nav box?

          you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
        • nevermoor May 22,2009 12:47 pm || Up

          Also, there really aren’t profiles the same way as **. If people have websites, their name links to it (like monkey’s above).

          "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
        • BruceBochte May 22,2009 2:16 pm || Up

          Whoa, when I first read that I saw “kraut whores”

          Guess I’d better git my mind out the cabbage patch…

          • nevermoor May 22,2009 2:21 pm || Up

            Or, conversely, try “FKwit” on for size.

            That precise pun is part of the point.

            "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
          • monkeyball May 22,2009 2:23 pm || Up

            The collected body of work for any KRAUThor is known as their KRAUThors d’oeuvre.

            you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  21. xbhaskarx May 22,2009 12:48 pm

    So what’s this whole pitch type linear weights thing all about?

  22. monkeyball May 22,2009 12:54 pm
    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • nevermoor May 22,2009 1:06 pm || Up

      Sorry, that link is too Daum

      "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
  23. monkeyball May 22,2009 2:09 pm

    caution: monkey crossing

    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  24. mikeA May 22,2009 2:42 pm

    I disapprove of the dld title, which sustains the dangerous fiction that bitterness is to be avoided and sweetness encouraged.

    • nevermoor May 22,2009 2:54 pm || Up

      I disapprove because “morose” is not nearly sophisticated enough vocabulary for this here series ‘o tubes.

      "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
      • monkeyball May 22,2009 3:30 pm || Up

        No, your objection should be to the adverbial form, which I have on many occasions denounced as a crutch for inferior writers.

        you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
        • nevermoor May 22,2009 3:32 pm || Up

          But, given that you are an inferior writer, why should I begrudge you your crutch?

          "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
  25. BruceBochte May 22,2009 4:56 pm

    Re: the banner

    So does anyone know if there are trough urinals in the women’s restroom’s at the coli?

    Just trying to ensure gender equity on the blog and all that…

    • monkeyball May 22,2009 5:02 pm || Up

      No, that’s where they hide the expensive whiskey.

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
      • Leopold Bloom May 22,2009 5:29 pm || Up

        That actually explains why every single woman I’ve ever been with (3 and a half!) was always crazy about going to A’s games.

        • monkeyball May 22,2009 5:36 pm || Up

          You misunderstand me; the expensive whiskey is hidden not in the women’s restroom, but in the trough urinals — to keep it away from the wimminfolk.

          you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
          • Leopold Bloom May 22,2009 5:38 pm || Up

            Oh. Wait a minute…that means….

            (strains head to think)….

        • andeux May 22,2009 5:38 pm || Up

          I daren’t ask.

          TINSTAAFK
        • mikeA May 22,2009 6:15 pm || Up

          I resent that.

    • FreeSeatUpgrade May 22,2009 6:26 pm || Up

      On AN recently a fanpost included, parenthetically, the author’s practice of, when taking his 4 year old girl to pee at A’s games, holding her up above the trough urinal. Ewww.

      At the Chapel Hill football stadium they have urinal walls. Just stone walls with water constantly running down them, emptying to a shallow little ditch at the bottom.

      "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
      • the dogfather May 22,2009 7:00 pm || Up

        … designed by sanitary engineers who went to Duke.

        The meaning of life is not so much found, as it is Made. -- Opus
  26. andeux May 22,2009 6:14 pm

    Nomar back, Schroder optioned.

    TINSTAAFK
  27. xbhaskarx May 22,2009 7:32 pm

    Man charged in penis ‘puppet’ incident

    Police in Washington state said a suspect used his genitals as a puppet while standing over an air conditioner intake at an apartment complex.

    The police report of the incident said Timothy Wayne Martin, 44, of Auburn, Wash., was arrested after residents of the Arcadia Apartment Complex in Federal Way called police at about 10:30 a.m. May 13 and reported a man standing over an air conditioner intake wearing only an unbuttoned flannel shirt and “was apparently manipulating” his penis with a string “like a puppet,” Seattlepi.com reported Thursday.

    Police said Martin was arrested at the scene and still had the string attached to his penis. He was charged under the state’s felony indecent exposure statute due to having two prior convictions for similar crimes.

    Martin was also in possession of a small quantity of methamphetamine at the time of his arrest. Police said he also had a pornographic magazine.

    • BruceBochte May 22,2009 9:36 pm || Up

      Hmmmm….

      Timothy Wayne Martin = Art Howe?

    • Leopold Bloom May 22,2009 10:09 pm || Up

      Oh, c’mon, who’s never made a puppet out of their penis and been so impressed that they wanted to show the neighbors? At 10 in the morning.

    • xbhaskarx May 23,2009 4:19 pm || Up

      I wonder if it was Heisenberg’s blue meth and clown porn…

  28. nevermoor May 23,2009 12:50 pm

    All.

    Major bugfixes with the database-driven unread comments changes I made on betakraut.

    Please go over there, mark things read, post a comment, etc. I think it might really be working perfectly and, if so, would like to move it over here so we aren’t relying on cookies and the mark all read link will work.

    "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"

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