Ladies and gentlemen, your Sacramento Morlocks! ← FREE KRAUT!

Ladies and gentlemen, your Sacramento Morlocks! 181

  1. “You are the starting third baseman. You’re just not starting there tonight.”
  2. Jim Harbaugh, shot dead on a field in Durham
  3. monkeyball/DFA bait
  4. Holy crap but this is cool
  5. Mitt Romney was vague on [day of the week] about how he would deal with [issue/policy]. On the other hand, though …
  6. UNDERGROUND STADIUM!!! / mikeA bait

181 thoughts on “Ladies and gentlemen, your Sacramento Morlocks!

  1. monkeyball Mar 28,2012 12:20 pm
    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • nevermoor Mar 28,2012 12:50 pm || Up

      How can they possibly skip Noe? It’s stroller-palooza.

      "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
      • DFA Mar 28,2012 4:47 pm || Up

        NOPA would be my choice for bringing up children if I were to right now. Noe I agree with especially if you are a lesbian family :-P Bernal Im surprised isn’t on there as well.

        In play, run(s)! Talk dirty to me gamecast, talk dirty. - Nevermoor
        • Bed Mar 28,2012 4:49 pm || Up

          (looks up)….did someone say lesbian?

          But seriously, folks....
        • Future Ed Mar 28,2012 5:51 pm || Up

          I would recommend the Mission.

          I have $5. No I don\'t.
      • Future Ed Mar 28,2012 5:52 pm || Up

        Yeah the bugaboo to car ratio is approaching 1:1

        I have $5. No I don\'t.
  2. nevermoor Mar 28,2012 12:48 pm

    1: and the platoon denialism begins anew.

    "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
  3. nevermoor Mar 28,2012 1:27 pm

    Holy crap!

    For fans of the San Francisco 49ers, this off-season has been like Groundhog Day — the very best possible version of Groundhog Day. It seems like every time the alarm pipes up and starts screaming from the bedside table, the 49ers announce another move that makes the team incrementally stronger. The latest? Trent Baalke signed running back Brandon Jacobs.

    "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
  4. dmoas Mar 28,2012 2:04 pm

    So apparently the NFL is bringing their lame OT rules to the regular season instead of, you know, just playing an additional 15 minutes of regular play.

    • SPWC Mar 28,2012 2:09 pm || Up

      Asking those guys to brutalize each other for 60 minutes is already more than enough.

      \"Weren\'t you already aware the Kay is already writing everyone\'s story? We\'re all just characters who believe we are real. Things make more sense now, don\'t they. Be honest.\"- DMOAS
      • dmoas Mar 28,2012 2:37 pm || Up

        I’d want a full quarter for the playoffs and a tie for the regular season.

        • SPWC Mar 28,2012 3:04 pm || Up

          Agreed. All regular season games are 0 minutes long, and the playoffs are 15 minutes long.

          That should keep the concussions down!

          \"Weren\'t you already aware the Kay is already writing everyone\'s story? We\'re all just characters who believe we are real. Things make more sense now, don\'t they. Be honest.\"- DMOAS
          • dmoas Mar 28,2012 3:11 pm || Up

            Just have 32 teams in the playoffs, elimination style.

    • Bed Mar 28,2012 2:31 pm || Up

      I like the old sudden death system….it was exciting and if you can’t win a game in 60 minutes then you have no right to bitch if you lose in overtime.

      But seriously, folks....
      • andeux Mar 28,2012 2:35 pm || Up

        I agree. And returning kickoffs to the 35 instead of the 30 made it pretty close to even as to whether you should prefer to kickoff or receive in general. (In any individual case it depends on the relative strength of your offense and defense.)

        TINSTAAFK
      • dmoas Mar 28,2012 2:40 pm || Up

        Football just isn’t designed for a sudden death system. I mean, I guess you could set the ball on the 50 yard line, both teams on their own 35 yard line and let them race for the ball to begin OT. Short of that, putting the ball into one team’s hands to start things off isn’t conducive to fair play. The argument isn’t “you can’t win a game in 60 minutes” it’s “busting your ass for 60 minutes only to have the game decided on a coin flip.” And basing sudden death on a coin flip is bull shit.

        • Bed Mar 28,2012 2:44 pm || Up

          But it’s not decided by a coin flip. Even if you get the ball first you still have to score most likely starting from your own 20.

          But seriously, folks....
          • dmoas Mar 28,2012 3:17 pm || Up

            Receiving the ball is a HUGE advantage in football’s overtime. Why should who gets that advantage be based on a coin flip after both teams just spent 60 minutes busting their asses? If the goal of any decision making process is to make things fair, not even, but fair, then the only way to handle it is remove the sudden death or make getting the ball a free-for-all.

            Actually, the idea of dumping it on the 50 yard line and letting them fight for the ball sounds kind of fun. Maybe have 2 or 3 guys on each team on the 35, the rest on the 25. Does the first set of guys go for the ball or do they go in to block? Can you get the ball cleanly or do you knock the ball into the other team’s protective coverage? If you get the ball cleanly, can you get guys up to block and get yourself into the end zone? I’d also completely eliminate place kicking in this scenario too. For those guys to put the ball in the end zone for 6.

            • Bed Mar 28,2012 3:21 pm || Up

              I don’t think it’s a huge advantage. I thought the stats were like the team that gets the ball only scores about 56% of the time and that was back when most of the kick offs didn’t become touchbacks like they are now. Seems fair enough to me.

              But seriously, folks....
            • andeux Mar 28,2012 3:29 pm || Up

              From 1974-1993 with kickoffs at the 35, it was exactly even (47% – 47%, with about 6% ties).
              From 1994-2000 with kickoffs at the 30, it was a big advantage for the receiving team (60%-36%).

              Now that kickoffs are at the 35 again, it might still be an advantage for the receiving team (kickers are better at long field goals than they were 20 years ago) but it isn’t a HUGE one.

              Alternatively you could scrap the kickoff and auction off starting field position – whoever agrees to take the ball closest to their own end zone gets it.

              TINSTAAFK
              • 5Aces Mar 28,2012 3:59 pm || Up

                I like that. I would be happy with just posession at the 20 for a coin flip and no kickers, but you introduce an entirely new strategy. I would love to see the captains go out and start the bidding.

                Camelot sure fell apart, didn't it? -Steve McCatty
                • Bed Mar 28,2012 4:01 pm || Up

                  I’d prefer a steel cage knife fight using monkeys.

                  But seriously, folks....
                • monkeyball Mar 28,2012 4:28 pm || Up

                  In football’s stultifying ultimatum, monkeys’d prefer a steel cage knife fight using you.

                  you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
                • Bed Mar 28,2012 4:43 pm || Up

                  Okay, but only if I get to use a Ginsu knife….which you can buy for $19.99…but wait there’s more act now and we’ll add a second knife for free.

                  But seriously, folks....
                • SPWC Mar 28,2012 5:42 pm || Up

                  Ginsus are so 1985. Step on up to ceramic, baby!

                  \"Weren\'t you already aware the Kay is already writing everyone\'s story? We\'re all just characters who believe we are real. Things make more sense now, don\'t they. Be honest.\"- DMOAS
              • SPWC Mar 28,2012 4:14 pm || Up

                I like the auction idea… …adds a Monopoly element to, well, a monopoly.

                \"Weren\'t you already aware the Kay is already writing everyone\'s story? We\'re all just characters who believe we are real. Things make more sense now, don\'t they. Be honest.\"- DMOAS
              • Glorious Mundy Mar 28,2012 4:18 pm || Up

                I love this idea. It would be interesting to see if the “market” for field position would settle on the correct yardline at which to stop bidding in every instance (a “price,” if you will), or if the machismo factor would goad coaches and players to make very, very bad decisions.

                • 5Aces Mar 28,2012 4:22 pm || Up

                  Rex Ryan would insist the other team get the ball and start on the 15 yard line to show how great his D is.

                  Camelot sure fell apart, didn't it? -Steve McCatty
                • Glorious Mundy Mar 28,2012 4:25 pm || Up

                  He’d just let Tebow handle the bidding while he goes and has a goddamn snack.

                • andeux Mar 28,2012 4:25 pm || Up

                  …of feet.

                  TINSTAAFK
                • Dial C for Concupiscence (UM) Mar 28,2012 6:35 pm || Up

                  I like the idea. Continuing on your thought here, who gets to start the bidding? It seems like it wouldn’t take much time before people find the “break-even” market starting position. Then, if we do assume that bidding would generally stop at the break-even point, whoever gets the first bid would bid the break-even position right off the bat if they slant toward offense or a yard before it if they slant toward defense, right?

        • AV Mar 28,2012 4:16 pm || Up

          yes. unfair because it’s a game of taking turns. sure, there are turnovers available, but it’s really close to having sudden death in baseball. top of the 10th, team scores 1 run, they WIN!

          *i’m* AV. alex vause. put this loon in psych before she hurts someone.
  5. monkeyball Mar 28,2012 3:25 pm
    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • Bed Mar 28,2012 3:27 pm || Up

      Just so you know Bed bait would either involve drunk clowns or articles about the earned income tax credit….if we’re lucky….both.

      But seriously, folks....
  6. monkeyball Mar 28,2012 3:26 pm
    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • Bed Mar 28,2012 3:28 pm || Up

      I always say if you can’t cut it with the Astros try the Yankees.

      But seriously, folks....
      • andeux Mar 28,2012 3:30 pm || Up

        I was thinking that after getting let go by three of the worst offenses in baseball his career might be over. Silly me.

        TINSTAAFK
        • Bed Mar 28,2012 3:39 pm || Up

          That’s you being logical and stuff….I’ve never tried that.

          But seriously, folks....
    • monkeyball Mar 28,2012 3:43 pm || Up

      I like his repeated “beat Yankees” background.

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • lenscrafters Mar 28,2012 3:49 pm || Up

      He just might be better than Raul Ibanez.

      • Bed Mar 28,2012 3:52 pm || Up

        I doubt he’s better than Raul Julia at this point.

        But seriously, folks....
        • monkeyball Mar 28,2012 3:53 pm || Up

          For 2 weeks in 2007, he was better than John Astin

          you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
          • andeux Mar 28,2012 3:55 pm || Up

            Cust, what an Astin.

            TINSTAAFK
            • monkeyball Mar 28,2012 4:28 pm || Up

              asvd

              you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • Englishmajor Mar 28,2012 4:05 pm || Up

      It was because I brought my Jack Cust game-(slightly) used bat to the Red Lion so that people could mock him.

      • Future Ed Mar 28,2012 5:54 pm || Up

        A jack Cust Game Held Bat!!!! AWESOME!!!!

        I have $5. No I don\'t.
      • AV Mar 28,2012 6:03 pm || Up

        oh wow. i saw the bat and everything. didn’t know what i was beholding at the time.

        *i’m* AV. alex vause. put this loon in psych before she hurts someone.
      • monkeyball Mar 28,2012 6:23 pm || Up

        Geez. If you’re going to mock it, you should give it to someone who will appreciate it …

        you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  7. Future Ed Mar 28,2012 5:56 pm

    So, I haven’t really looked here for a few days. Where do I go first?

    I have $5. No I don\'t.
    • Bed Mar 28,2012 6:00 pm || Up

      Just read my posts of course.

      But seriously, folks....
    • monkeyball Mar 28,2012 6:24 pm || Up

      Review my posts for Magary links.

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • AV Mar 28,2012 8:40 pm || Up

      too much worky worky?

      *i’m* AV. alex vause. put this loon in psych before she hurts someone.
  8. Future Ed Mar 28,2012 6:03 pm
    I have $5. No I don\'t.
    • ptbnl Mar 28,2012 6:13 pm || Up

      Or you can just say FK it and re-post links from days ago :-)

      If this is His will, He's a son of a bitch.
      • Future Ed Mar 28,2012 6:23 pm || Up
        I have $5. No I don\'t.
  9. grover Mar 28,2012 8:34 pm

    Magic/Kasten group buys the Dodgers and Chavez Ravine for 2.15 billion.

    These were the guys to borrow $5 from…

  10. MikeV Mar 28,2012 9:09 pm

    watching the replay now

    Really? Allen sac bunt attempt after Cespedes double in the 7th?

    And I have to say: mikev is one of my favorite people on here -slusser.

    Thanks, and go As.

    • Tutu-late Mar 28,2012 9:14 pm || Up

      New bob thought since he was a 1st baseman, and Barton used to be our DB(designated bunter)…

    • AV Mar 28,2012 10:02 pm || Up

      yep. wasted inning.

      *i’m* AV. alex vause. put this loon in psych before she hurts someone.
    • sslinger Mar 28,2012 10:11 pm || Up

      I would hope that Billy threw a chair, but I sense he really doesn’t care enough anymore.

  11. MikeV Mar 28,2012 10:11 pm

    Fucking MLB network

    “tune in as Ichiro Suzuki’s homecoming continutes as the Mariners take on the A’s”

    YEAH WE’RE THE HOME TEAM THOUGH .FUCK YOU.

    And I have to say: mikev is one of my favorite people on here -slusser.

    Thanks, and go As.

    • AV Mar 28,2012 10:25 pm || Up

      at the very least, they’re not playing sweet caroline at the end of our “home game.”

      *i’m* AV. alex vause. put this loon in psych before she hurts someone.
  12. FreeSeatUpgrade Mar 28,2012 10:49 pm

    Watching that MLB Extra Innings commercial: do you suppose anyone has told Albert Pujols what the song “Everybody’s Talkin” is most closely associated with?

    "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
  13. elcroata Mar 28,2012 10:49 pm
    Because survival is insufficient
    • the llama Mar 29,2012 9:56 pm || Up

      God what a bunch of wussies we’ve become.

      • dmoas Mar 30,2012 11:48 am || Up

        Sigh. No one had problems with these words until they were told they should have a problem with them.

        • 5Aces Mar 30,2012 11:52 am || Up

          I remember in grade school having 1-2 kids in my class every year who “couldn’t do the Christmas project”. Now I don’t know how they felt, but I don’t remember any of us ever saying or thinking anything about them other than how lucky they were to not hav to do this crappy project.

          Camelot sure fell apart, didn't it? -Steve McCatty
          • PDXAthleticsfan Mar 30,2012 11:59 am || Up

            I don’t recall there having been much in the way of Christmas projects in grade school, with the exception of putting on A Christmas Carol in 6th grade. I never really thought much of it and certainly never objected to having to do it – my parents certainly never raised a word of protest, although they were of the generation that valued Jewish assimilation into mainstream/Christian America.

            A soliloquy of fresh-sounding ideas which would probably be disastrous.
            • nevermoor Mar 30,2012 12:21 pm || Up

              We made ornaments and stuff (like drawing santa on plastic that was then semi melted in the microwave or something).

              But yes, the culture of being offended 24/7 is a new development. I’m finding it fun to watch the right (who, to be fair is newer to that particular party than certain democratic elements) fumble their way through it. We are all Al Sharptons now.

              "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
              • Glorious Mundy Mar 30,2012 12:23 pm || Up

                We made ornaments in kindergarten, and I apparently came home with a six-pointed star made out of popsicle sticks and glitter. I don’t know whether it was my idea, or if the teacher said: “You’re Jewish, do this.”

                • Future Ed Mar 30,2012 12:29 pm || Up

                  we had plays and such. We likely made ornaments.

                  Its really stunning to me now that that was all done seemingly unquestioned.

                  I have $5. No I don\'t.
                • dmoas Mar 30,2012 12:35 pm || Up

                  We did things celebrating both holidays in 1st & 2nd.

              • 5Aces Mar 30,2012 12:27 pm || Up

                That’s what we did, and I remember maybe simple drawings and at least 1-2 gift exchanges. I remember the exchanges because once I got the JW kid in class and somehow the teacher didn’t know and I ended up with a generic make up gift that was for kids 3-4 years younger than me.

                But yes, the offense is new and just odd to me. They talk about how the questions might start discussion on “x”. I don’t ever remember leaving a test in elementary school and thinking about the deeper meaning of questions. I said the test was easy, or the test was hard. And then I ran to the monkey bars and turned on my tape recorded to listen to tunes..

                Camelot sure fell apart, didn't it? -Steve McCatty
    • MikeV Mar 30,2012 2:10 pm || Up

      Holy shit I hate everything.

      And I have to say: mikev is one of my favorite people on here -slusser.

      Thanks, and go As.

  14. elcroata Mar 28,2012 10:52 pm

    Love it!

    It might take a second to get it and when you do and if you want to comment on it use spoiler font :)

    Because survival is insufficient
    • Glorious Mundy Mar 28,2012 11:04 pm || Up

      I love it. I can’t figure out the third one down on the left though.

      • elcroata Mar 28,2012 11:15 pm || Up

        Spoiler:

        Asterix and Obelix
        Because survival is insufficient
    • MikeV Mar 29,2012 8:04 am || Up

      I have no idea what the FK that is. /dumbguy

      And I have to say: mikev is one of my favorite people on here -slusser.

      Thanks, and go As.

      • Future Ed Mar 29,2012 11:11 am || Up

        I am with you.

        Hey guys!!

        100100010000
        100001001
        11
        10001
        HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

        I have $5. No I don\'t.
      • FreeSeatUpgrade Mar 29,2012 2:00 pm || Up

        Me too.

        "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
      • nevermoor Mar 29,2012 2:29 pm || Up

        Top left set is:

        Spoiler:

        The simpsons
        "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
    • colin Mar 29,2012 8:23 am || Up

      I get four of them (top left, top right, third row right, bottom left). Plus I read ec’s spoiler for third row left.

    • SPWC Mar 29,2012 8:31 am || Up

      I got all of them but the bottom right.

      At first, I thought it might have something to do with danmerqury’s new piece up at THT, but then the coffee kicked in.

      \"Weren\'t you already aware the Kay is already writing everyone\'s story? We\'re all just characters who believe we are real. Things make more sense now, don\'t they. Be honest.\"- DMOAS
      • colin Mar 29,2012 8:45 am || Up

        I feel like the bottom right should be easy, but I have no idea.

        • elcroata Mar 29,2012 9:10 am || Up

          Spoiler:

          Lucky Luke and the Dalton brothers
          Because survival is insufficient
          • AV Mar 29,2012 9:29 am || Up
            who???

            someone might as well tell me second one down the right. i bet i’ll never have heard of them either.

            *i’m* AV. alex vause. put this loon in psych before she hurts someone.
            • PDXAthleticsfan Mar 29,2012 9:35 am || Up

              Spoiler:

              smurfs
              A soliloquy of fresh-sounding ideas which would probably be disastrous.
              • AV Mar 29,2012 9:40 am || Up

                i’ve heard of them!

                *i’m* AV. alex vause. put this loon in psych before she hurts someone.
            • ptbnl Mar 29,2012 9:47 am || Up

              3rd on the right?

              If this is His will, He's a son of a bitch.
              • AV Mar 29,2012 9:52 am || Up

                hint. one of their friends is one of FK’s members.

                *i’m* AV. alex vause. put this loon in psych before she hurts someone.
                • ptbnl Mar 29,2012 10:04 am || Up

                  Still not getting it, but I’m blaming the broken night.

                  If this is His will, He's a son of a bitch.
                • AV Mar 29,2012 10:07 am || Up
                  *i’m* AV. alex vause. put this loon in psych before she hurts someone.
                • ptbnl Mar 29,2012 10:09 am || Up

                  Ah – I know of them, but I’ve never seen them.

                  If this is His will, He's a son of a bitch.
                • colin Mar 29,2012 10:07 am || Up

                  Spoiler:

                  Bert and Ernie
          • Dial C for Concupiscence (UM) Mar 29,2012 9:39 am || Up

            That was the one I couldn’t figure out, so I’m glad it’s due to ignorance of the reference rather than inability to make the connection.

            • elcroata Mar 29,2012 9:48 am || Up

              A3 and B4 were my absolute favorites when growing up

              Because survival is insufficient
              • AV Mar 29,2012 9:55 am || Up

                i think those two aren’t very well known in the US, even if they’re mainstays in other countries.

                *i’m* AV. alex vause. put this loon in psych before she hurts someone.
              • PDXAthleticsfan Mar 29,2012 9:57 am || Up

                I should’ve known A3 from foreign language in high school, but it didn’t sink in.

                A soliloquy of fresh-sounding ideas which would probably be disastrous.
              • SPWC Mar 29,2012 10:17 am || Up

                That would make sense of why I’ve never even heard of B4.

                \"Weren\'t you already aware the Kay is already writing everyone\'s story? We\'re all just characters who believe we are real. Things make more sense now, don\'t they. Be honest.\"- DMOAS
              • Dial C for Concupiscence (UM) Mar 29,2012 12:17 pm || Up

                A3 was a favorite of mine too. Tintin as well. I wonder why I just never came across B4 then.

    • andeux Mar 29,2012 9:05 am || Up

      Saw this a couple of days ago. Eventually got all except top right and bottom right. And after seeing the answers, still didn’t know what that latter was.

      TINSTAAFK
    • PDXAthleticsfan Mar 29,2012 9:36 am || Up

      That is way cool.

      A soliloquy of fresh-sounding ideas which would probably be disastrous.
  15. AV Mar 29,2012 9:21 am

    ’cause i’m a teenager, with a little bit of gold and a pager gullible.

    (i know, the rhyme kinda falls apart there. what can i say?)

    *i’m* AV. alex vause. put this loon in psych before she hurts someone.
    • Dial C for Concupiscence (UM) Mar 30,2012 3:15 pm || Up

      Just because it rhymes doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.

      • batgirl Apr 1,2012 11:13 am || Up

        /me every morning when my carpool buddy insists on listening to writer’s almanac.

  16. elcroata Mar 29,2012 9:52 am

    Time to meet friends for dinner, but before that:

    Who needs how long to solve it is a really good hint

    Because survival is insufficient
    • AV Mar 29,2012 10:00 am || Up
      number of loops in the number shapes
      *i’m* AV. alex vause. put this loon in psych before she hurts someone.
      • AV Mar 29,2012 10:01 am || Up

        oh, so the correct answer is

        2

        .

        *i’m* AV. alex vause. put this loon in psych before she hurts someone.
    • Glorious Mundy Mar 29,2012 10:02 am || Up

      Spoiler:

      2?
    • andeux Mar 29,2012 10:07 am || Up

      Got it.

      Figured out 1,2,3,5,7 = 0; 0,9,6 = 1; 8 = 2.
      Also noted that for numbers > 2 this is the number of prime factors minus one, but wasn’t sure how the choices for 0 and 1 fit in.
      AV’s explanation is simpler and obviously what was intended. Damn my higher education.
      TINSTAAFK
      • Dial C for Concupiscence (UM) Mar 29,2012 12:23 pm || Up

        Your first line is how I came to the right answer. AV’s explanation as to why that was the right answer I didn’t get though.

        • Glorious Mundy Mar 29,2012 12:27 pm || Up

          Me too/neither.

          • AV Mar 29,2012 12:34 pm || Up

            really? (is it because i repeated a word and made the sentence hard to parse?)

            retry: count the number of closed loops in each line of numeral-like shapes.
            *i’m* AV. alex vause. put this loon in psych before she hurts someone.
            • Dial C for Concupiscence (UM) Mar 29,2012 1:56 pm || Up

              Sorry, bad wording on my part. I understood your explanation, but I didn’t come to it on my own.

    • sslinger Mar 29,2012 10:27 am || Up

      Got it I think – I’ll post this before I check: Spoiler:

      2

      .

    • SPWC Mar 29,2012 10:32 am || Up

      Spoiler:

      I saw neither the word “If” nor any guarantees that there was actually a pattern to be found. Therefore, if it was something that would affect me, I would consider it to be a scam and/or a joke, and choose not to participate,

      like if Mickey Mantle was still alive and raffling off ham.

      Of course, after reading the above spoilers, Spoiler:

      it seems that it’s not an actual problem to solve, but a thought exercise meant to remind people that something that’s obvious to you might not be obvious to someone else, and vice versa. Few adults would consider numbers as shapes. Numbers are language/notation in most peoples’ context.
      \"Weren\'t you already aware the Kay is already writing everyone\'s story? We\'re all just characters who believe we are real. Things make more sense now, don\'t they. Be honest.\"- DMOAS
      • SPWC Mar 29,2012 10:33 am || Up

        why does mine have the added “Spoiler:” text?

        I never typed that.

        \"Weren\'t you already aware the Kay is already writing everyone\'s story? We\'re all just characters who believe we are real. Things make more sense now, don\'t they. Be honest.\"- DMOAS
        • gonealookin Mar 29,2012 11:25 am || Up

          The code adds that automatically before the “div” but you can delete it before posting your comment.

          What I discovered Blew. My. Mind. -- Pat Boone
          • nevermoor Mar 29,2012 2:32 pm || Up

            I can take it out if people don’t like it.

            "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
            • Dial C for Concupiscence (UM) Mar 29,2012 2:35 pm || Up

              It does seem a bit redundant. Not really a big deal though.

            • monkeyball Mar 29,2012 2:53 pm || Up

              TWHS

              you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
            • SPWC Mar 29,2012 2:55 pm || Up

              I don’t care, now that I know to look for it and delete it.

              \"Weren\'t you already aware the Kay is already writing everyone\'s story? We\'re all just characters who believe we are real. Things make more sense now, don\'t they. Be honest.\"- DMOAS
      • AV Mar 29,2012 12:17 pm || Up

        i find that there is a type of problems (make 4 equilateral triangles using 6 regular equal toothpicks without braking or bending any of them) that are of the “think outside the box” variety. it’s not about the math/geometry, it’s about can you get outside your typical way of looking at thing despite the distractions leading you to your typical ways of looking at things. is that not really a problem to solve? i’m saying, just like adding is a skill, finding a patter is a skill, and thinking outside the box is a skill. and these can all be tested. just because you thought the problem was one kind and it turns out it was a different kind, well, that doesn’t make it less of a problem to solve!

        *i’m* AV. alex vause. put this loon in psych before she hurts someone.
        • FreeSeatUpgrade Mar 29,2012 2:01 pm || Up

          A waiter worked that toothpick trick on me just last week.

          "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
        • AV Mar 29,2012 2:22 pm || Up

          typing clearly is a skill. that i failed at. remove s, add s, add n. you problem-solvers know where.

          *i’m* AV. alex vause. put this loon in psych before she hurts someone.
        • SPWC Mar 29,2012 2:46 pm || Up

          I didn’t actually ponder the problem to solve it. I pondered it to find reason not to, because things like that are almost always in the realm of “joke played on the participant” than anything else, and I hate those and find them to be offensive. If someone came to my door with that, I’d FK with them like I FK with the JW’s.

          However, I’m pretty sure I never would have solved it, even if I tried.

          Once one strips away all the layers of implied meaning in the world, one is left with nothing but a bunch of random useless gibberish. This particular one attacks the implied meaning that 8809= eight thousand, eight hundred, and nine. It attacks the implied meaning that numerals (when not specifically presented as meaningless numerals) = numbers.
          What really is kinda funny about the thing is a certain meaning implied from the solution… the idea that to solve the problem, one must assume that the teardrops from 8’s, ovals from 0’s, and almost-circles from 6’s & 9’s are the same thing. The FK they are! 8809= 4 of one type, 1 of another type, and 1 of a third type.
          \"Weren\'t you already aware the Kay is already writing everyone\'s story? We\'re all just characters who believe we are real. Things make more sense now, don\'t they. Be honest.\"- DMOAS
          • AV Mar 29,2012 3:21 pm || Up

            don’t you mean?:

            8809 = 1 enclosed area on the top left with a slightly pointy part on the bottom of it. 1 enclosed area on the bottom left with a slightly pointy part on the top of it. 1 enclosed area on the top first-from-left with a slightly pointy part on the bottom of it. 1 enclosed area on the bottom first-from-left with a slightly pointy part on the top of it. 1 large enclosed area 2nd from left. 1 enclosed area on the top right which has a tail angling downward and slightly toward left. …. but then again, you wouldn’t be able to read any of what i just wrote because the symbol written on your screen that starts all of this string i’m writing is not the same as the symbol you saw in preschool written on your teacher’s chalkboard nor the symbol you wrote down on your piece of paper when copying the chalkboard. yes, in order to read this sentence you have to totally assume that the shapes i’m seeing on my keys mean the same thing as the shapes that appear on my screen when i press these keys and mean the same thing as the shapes i saw when learning the alphabet and the shapes you saw when learning it too. but they’re not the same! they’re not even in the same city or moment in time, how could they be the same!?

            yep, every item is its own meaning unto itself. communication becomes impossible. if i type “A” and you see it, why would you understand it as anything else than a slightly triangular shape drawn on your screen rather than (a letter) (a variable) (a grade) (a very short word) (a signifier meaning first of a series) or a combination of these and others which your mind can sort through just as quickly as mine did when typing it to use the useful and disregard the extraneous, and in a way that shapes and/or suggests meaning so that there is understanding between what i’m sending and what you’re receiving?

            yay! we’ve just used logic to obliterate the beauty of the human mind: to find meanings through signification and move between them effortlessly through metonymy and metaphor, even whey they coincide in one way but contradict in another.

            did i ever talk about my favorite words that mean the exact same thing but also mean the exact opposite of each other?

            are we there yet? (we’re not there now.)

            are we there still? (we’re there now.)

            we’re yet to get there. (we’re not there now.)

            we’re still to get there. (we’re not there now)

            *i’m* AV. alex vause. put this loon in psych before she hurts someone.
            • SPWC Mar 29,2012 3:37 pm || Up

              Some things are too core and too important to question their

              implied meanings

              . Letters and numbers are definitely in that category.

              \"Weren\'t you already aware the Kay is already writing everyone\'s story? We\'re all just characters who believe we are real. Things make more sense now, don\'t they. Be honest.\"- DMOAS
              • AV Mar 29,2012 3:49 pm || Up

                why is 6 afraid of 7?

                *i’m* AV. alex vause. put this loon in psych before she hurts someone.
                • PDXAthleticsfan Mar 29,2012 3:51 pm || Up

                  ” frameborder=”0″ allowfullscreen>

                  A soliloquy of fresh-sounding ideas which would probably be disastrous.
                • andeux Mar 29,2012 3:57 pm || Up

                  Because 6 did too much acid and thinks 7 is trying to steal his soul.

                  TINSTAAFK
                • dmoas Mar 29,2012 4:03 pm || Up

                  Seven is a muther fker.

                • Tutu-late Mar 29,2012 4:13 pm || Up

                  Though, Seven of Nine is pretty hot

                • SPWC Mar 29,2012 4:20 pm || Up

                  and her husband did pretty well on Iron Chef, too.

                  \"Weren\'t you already aware the Kay is already writing everyone\'s story? We\'re all just characters who believe we are real. Things make more sense now, don\'t they. Be honest.\"- DMOAS
                • AV Mar 30,2012 8:47 am || Up

                  resistance is futile not what i was thinking.

                  but t’pol and 7 aside, the alien who first furled my brow was ro laren.

                  *i’m* AV. alex vause. put this loon in psych before she hurts someone.
                • SPWC Mar 30,2012 9:22 am || Up

                  I want Trill spots.

                  \"Weren\'t you already aware the Kay is already writing everyone\'s story? We\'re all just characters who believe we are real. Things make more sense now, don\'t they. Be honest.\"- DMOAS
              • AV Mar 30,2012 8:39 am || Up

                a roman walks into a bar.

                he orders five beers.

                *i’m* AV. alex vause. put this loon in psych before she hurts someone.
          • dmoas Mar 29,2012 3:29 pm || Up

            I’m with you on that. It’s not matter of “I can’t figure it out” because if I really tried, most times I’ll find the catch. And it’s not that it’s not interesting, but it’s generally posed in such a way that it’s less a challenge or truly philosophical question so to speak, but one that’s more inclined to create a “ha-ha, I know more than you” moment. (Not that that was the intent in this particular case because that’s just not how I see elcroata, but that’s how it’s frequently intended or comes across).

    • colin Mar 29,2012 3:10 pm || Up

      Do pre-school children ever focus on solving something for 5-10 minutes?

      • dmoas Mar 29,2012 3:16 pm || Up

        Yes (you do mean 0 to 1 right?)

      • 5Aces Mar 29,2012 3:47 pm || Up

        Thats what I was thinking. If I took it over to the littlest Ace right now, he would look at it for 30 seconds, look up at me, yell “hot dog” and then go run back to his Trash Pack toys.

        Camelot sure fell apart, didn't it? -Steve McCatty
        • dmoas Mar 29,2012 3:50 pm || Up

          Shit, you mean “hot dog” isn’t the answer? I’m going to have to start over again. Another hour of my life wasted.

          • 5Aces Mar 29,2012 3:52 pm || Up

            I belive he thinks it is the meaning of life:

            What did you do at school today: HOT DOG
            Where did you put the remote control: HOT DOG
            What do you want for dinner: ok, maybe that one was me…

            Camelot sure fell apart, didn't it? -Steve McCatty
            • monkeyball Mar 29,2012 4:00 pm || Up

              Hot dog hot dog, hot diggity dog …

              you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
              • AV Mar 29,2012 4:52 pm || Up

                perry como, is that you?

                *i’m* AV. alex vause. put this loon in psych before she hurts someone.
            • SPWC Mar 29,2012 4:22 pm || Up

              My little 3 yr old nephew is going to be an odd duck, like everyone else in the family.

              His favorite thing to do is to hand you something and say in a deep voice, “THIS TICKET… IS NON-TRANSFERABLE!”

              \"Weren\'t you already aware the Kay is already writing everyone\'s story? We\'re all just characters who believe we are real. Things make more sense now, don\'t they. Be honest.\"- DMOAS
              • dmoas Mar 29,2012 4:24 pm || Up

                I originally read that as “an odd fk”.

        • the llama Mar 29,2012 10:03 pm || Up

          I’m pretty sure cria1, age 4, wouldn’t get it because he recognizes and identifies numbers as such. He knows what they all represent. Cria2, age 2, would try to eat the computer.

          • nevermoor Mar 29,2012 10:14 pm || Up

            Of course, you have to identify numbers as such to solve it (because otherwise, what does the integer answer mean)

            "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
            • the llama Mar 29,2012 10:21 pm || Up

              True. The gap between recognizing numbers and understanding what they represent is pretty small, though. I doubt a preschooler would get it quickly, but the hint is a good one – don’t be contstrained by the representation you see in front of you.

              • elcroata Mar 29,2012 11:38 pm || Up

                The hint was what helped me solve it. It basically told me to

                only use recognizing shapes and counting. Which was hard, necause I really thought I was on to something working the running two-digit square toots in every quadruplet
                Because survival is insufficient
                • AV Mar 29,2012 11:59 pm || Up

                  hint? i thought that text was the instructions!

                  *i’m* AV. alex vause. put this loon in psych before she hurts someone.
                • colin Mar 30,2012 6:26 am || Up

                  I don’t understand why they think that programmers would have an advantage in solving the puzzle. Because of general out-of-the-box thinking?

                • elcroata Mar 30,2012 7:02 am || Up

                  Because of sex-life that equals that of pre-school children?

                  Because survival is insufficient
                • dmoas Mar 30,2012 11:51 am || Up

                  As a program I resent that comment… mostly because of the truthyness of it.

                • the llama Mar 31,2012 10:32 am || Up

                  algorithmically deduce patterns?

  17. Glorious Mundy Mar 29,2012 10:09 am

    Awesome:

    @GQ: ¿Prefieres tetas o culo?
    @OzzieGuillen: Prefiero culo. Gracias a dios mi esposa tiene uno y siempre lo a tenido

    • AV Mar 29,2012 10:12 am || Up

      guau! (spanish for wow. but also the sound a dog makes in spanish.)

      funny, i read the end like this: gracias a dios mi esposa tiene uno y siempre lo atiendo. (thank god my wife has one and i always attend to it.)

      *i’m* AV. alex vause. put this loon in psych before she hurts someone.
      • SPWC Mar 29,2012 10:36 am || Up

        My Spanish is improving.

        My pidgin translation was: “Thank god my wife has one and it’s always at attention”

        and my new vocabulary word for today (gleaned from context) = “culo”

        \"Weren\'t you already aware the Kay is already writing everyone\'s story? We\'re all just characters who believe we are real. Things make more sense now, don\'t they. Be honest.\"- DMOAS
        • 5Aces Mar 29,2012 11:36 am || Up

          When I was courting Mrs. Aces her family introduced me to one of the family “classics” they would watch during holidays, etc: American me. It has the great line “you’re so cool I’ma call you CULO.”

          Other must see holiday movies: Blood in Blood Out, Scarface, Evil Dead, and the 10 Commandments.

          Camelot sure fell apart, didn't it? -Steve McCatty
      • elcroata Mar 29,2012 2:05 pm || Up

        I read it that way, too. Probably because whoever wrote this can’t spell

        Because survival is insufficient
  18. sslinger Mar 29,2012 11:08 am
    • DFA Mar 29,2012 5:32 pm || Up

      dude that looks awesome

      In play, run(s)! Talk dirty to me gamecast, talk dirty. - Nevermoor
    • monkeyball Mar 29,2012 5:34 pm || Up

      I do something different for my Lunch Beat

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  19. Future Ed Mar 29,2012 11:13 am

    No idea if ifs not a hoax

    I have $5. No I don\'t.
  20. MikeV Mar 29,2012 11:17 am

    Can I have $7,950,000?

    (plus construction costs)

    And I have to say: mikev is one of my favorite people on here -slusser.

    Thanks, and go As.

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