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Dividing Things Into Categories 47

The 2008 A’s had a .686 team OPS, which was the worst team mark in the AL since the 2003 Detroit Tigers, who went 49-113. 2009 carry-overs from the that team are hitting at a remarkably similar clip.

In other words, not even their MOTHERS! could pretend that they had even a shred of offensive talent, or really any other type of human worth.

A’s players not on the ’08 team so far:

.219/.293/.319

I feel bad that the A’s suck, but I feel worse that these players’ MOTHERS! were too reticent in exercising their constitutional rights.

47 thoughts on “Dividing Things Into Categories

  1. the dogfather May 10,2009 4:10 pm

    Speaking of respect for ol’ Mom, couldn’t Jack have given that “bat-shit crazy” menopause commercial a break, for today?

    At least there’s a border collie in the midget-burgers ad.

    And whilst I vent, Sears Craftsman hammer — does Father’s Day shopping season begin in April?

  2. designatedforassignment May 10,2009 7:40 pm

    I also think that the A’s “hit for a higher average” request of Cust has harmed his ability to hit. I think it is telling that the only Bobby FRICKING Crosby, is the third best hitter on this team. Thats Right Crosby has the third highest OPS and wOBA on the team. Fuck me.

  3. mjdittmer May 11,2009 2:50 am

    After 48 hours of technical difficulties, JoePo is back online with a vengeance.

    I called up HostMonster, and connected to some guy whose basic job, evidently, was to know nothing. Every company has to have several people who know nothing — these are the ones you put out front so that customers feel guilty for yelling at them. After all, they KNOW NOTHING.

    Also, the LA Times’ Bill Plaschke took a break from playing the role of total jackass on the Manny Ramirez story to actually write a halfway-amusing sidebar on Sunday’s Lakers game.

  4. Danny May 11,2009 7:45 am

    Great quote, regardless of context:

    “Pretty significant,” Braden said. “It looks like a ball of cotton candy hanging from my wrist.”

  5. Poppy May 11,2009 8:28 am
  6. monkeyball May 11,2009 9:39 am

    these players’ MOTHERS! were too reticent in exercising their constitutional rights

    Au contraire, mikeA. If any of the A’s hitters’ moms were confronted with the paucity of output from their progeny, I’m sure that they’d vigorously exercise this right.

  7. monkeyball May 11,2009 9:46 am
  8. monkeyball May 11,2009 9:56 am
  9. monkeyball May 11,2009 1:36 pm
  10. monkeyball May 11,2009 1:53 pm
  11. mjdittmer May 11,2009 2:27 pm

    From the third floor of the library at Cal State, Northridge: Is standing still on the escalator symptomatic of a society in decline?

  12. mjdittmer May 11,2009 3:00 pm

    No link because apparently this is print-only, but the CSUN student paper’s Opinion page today features a great Miller Lite style debate about Twitter.

    Tastes great: Twitter isn’t just for social networking. It’s “a vital source of information from politicians to celebrities to corporations, … RSS fleeds flood through Twitter profiles like water. It’s like building your iTunes, but instead of music genres downloaded specifically for your tastes, it’s information.”

    Less filling: Yes, there are lots of social networking sites, but Twitter is by far the best one: “Twitter is almost therapeutic in a way, giving a voice to voiceless people. Through ‘tweeting,’ users get the opportunity to express their thoughts … It, in a sense, eliminates the need to hire a psychiatrist, as the Twitter community can serve as anything from therapist all the way to just being someone to ‘listen’ to your problems.”

  13. mikeA May 11,2009 3:29 pm

    Zips “rest of the season” projections (updated every day, which is pretty cool) in order of woba:
    Cust: .251/.389/.468
    Holliday: .281/.354/.473
    Giambi: .224/.355/.417
    Garciaparra: .272/.324/.409
    Suzuki: .251/.331/.389
    Sweeney: .268/.334/.379
    Hannahan: .243/.337/.372
    Chavez: .237/.317/.398
    Buck: .245/.323/.383
    Cabrera: .274/.326/.368
    Ellis: .249/.322/.370
    Crosby: .238/.306/.348
    Powell: .222/.288/.373
    Kennedy: .257/.310/.327
    Davis: .244/.300/.324

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