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Understand the messages from your monkey 66

28 Sep 2011  |  monkeyball  |The Grill

66 thoughts on “Understand the messages from your monkey”

  1. monkeyball Sep 28,2011 10:33 am

    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • batgirl Sep 28,2011 10:36 am || Up

      Hmmm cool. I’m going to have to try that!

      • monkeyball Sep 28,2011 10:44 am || Up

        IMO, probably not worth it unless you’re doing 2+ heads of garlic.

        you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
        • batgirl Sep 28,2011 11:21 am || Up

          It would be sort of nice to have several heads pre-peeled in the fridge as I need them. I know they sell them like that at the grocery store. Anyone know how long they tend to stay edible?

          • monkeyball Sep 28,2011 11:29 am || Up

            Do you have a vacuum sealer? They’d probably keep almost indefinitely in a sealed bag.

            you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
            • nevermoor Sep 28,2011 11:44 am || Up

              Could you just drop ’em in EVOO?

              "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
              • monkeyball Sep 28,2011 11:45 am || Up

                That’d work, too. With added benefit of creating garlicky EVOO.

                you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
      • sslinger Sep 28,2011 10:45 am || Up

        No doubt!

  2. MikeV Sep 28,2011 10:51 am

    7. YOU MEAN HE NEVER REALLY WANTED TO COME TO OAKLAND?!?!

    And I have to say: mikev is one of my favorite people on here -slusser.

    Thanks, and go As.

    • Future Ed Sep 28,2011 3:26 pm || Up

      or the converse, he just signed for the most money

      I have $5. No I don\'t.
  3. Poppy Sep 28,2011 11:11 am

    If I could grow enough facial hair, I would totally do this.

    There's a wild thing in the woolshed and it's keeping me awake at night.
  4. monkeyball Sep 28,2011 11:29 am

    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • MikeV Sep 28,2011 11:33 am || Up

      Let’s lose 3 more home games! Woo!

      And I have to say: mikev is one of my favorite people on here -slusser.

      Thanks, and go As.

      • spwc2010 Sep 28,2011 1:02 pm || Up

        only 2, but still.

        \"Weren\'t you already aware the Kay is already writing everyone\'s story? We\'re all just characters who believe we are real. Things make more sense now, don\'t they. Be honest.\"- DMOAS
    • vignette17 Sep 28,2011 11:41 am || Up

      SuSlu thinks it all but assures Matsui will be in green and gold next year. That would be disappointing to say the least. However, I wouldn’t entirely be against having Gojira play his last two MLB games in Japan on an A’s team.

      Godzilla vs Ichiro, followed by Matsui’s retirement/return to NPB? I’d watch that. But is Matsui ready to do that?

      • monkeyball Sep 28,2011 11:43 am || Up

        Hopefully, the A’s negotiated with MLB and Matsui’s agent to have Tootsie foot the bill for the guaranteed base of his contract and for Matsui to retire MLB before the A’s plan taxis on the tarmac for the trip home.

        you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
      • andeux Sep 28,2011 11:44 am || Up

        “Excuse me Morabito-san, where is my return plane ticket…”

        TINSTAAFK
        • spwc2010 Sep 28,2011 1:04 pm || Up

          All those returning with the team to the States, please step forward.

          Not so fast, Porno San.

          \"Weren\'t you already aware the Kay is already writing everyone\'s story? We\'re all just characters who believe we are real. Things make more sense now, don\'t they. Be honest.\"- DMOAS
      • lenscrafters Sep 28,2011 12:07 pm || Up

        Just a fucking stupid waste of money.

        • vignette17 Sep 28,2011 1:44 pm || Up

          Matsui in general or Matsui for two games? Or playing in Japan?

          • MikeV Sep 28,2011 1:46 pm || Up

            Yes?

            And I have to say: mikev is one of my favorite people on here -slusser.

            Thanks, and go As.

          • lenscrafters Sep 28,2011 4:37 pm || Up

            Matsui for two games is just a pipe dream concocted here. None of the reporting mentions that the A’s are interested in bringing back Matsui for only those two games. It’s irrelevant.

            The A’s seem to actually believe that Matsui’s performance this year warrants another contract even though he’s been seven kinds of awful. This line of thinking seems to be championed foremost by the new manager, who proudly trots him out everyday in the 3rd spot, no matter how badly he slumps (.247/.307/.340 since August 1st…so much for that brilliant second half) as if he’s the lifeblood holding this team together. The new manager apparently has influence in personnel decisions now, and I’m a firm believer that managers should never, ever dictate personnel decisions.

            If the goal is to top tendering Conor Jackson or signing FUUUUUU last offseason as the Inexplicably Dumb Move we just. have. to. make., then Beane is well on his way there.

            • monkeyball Sep 28,2011 4:54 pm || Up

              My suspicion is even worse: that it isn’t even MTNB who’s making the Matsui calls, but Crowley.

              you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
              • lenscrafters Sep 28,2011 5:54 pm || Up

                You may not be wrong:

                I just spoke to team president Mike Crowley, who wouldn’t come out and say the A’s are re-signing Matsui – the team wouldn’t do that until it’s all official – but he did say, stating the obvious and somewhat tongue-in-cheek, “Certainly Major League Baseball would be very happy if we brought him back. Ichiro and Matsui in Japan would be a good thing for everyone.”

    • JediLeroy Sep 28,2011 12:10 pm || Up

      Screw you, MLB, for not doing that while I was there.

      az di bobe volt gehat beytsim volt zi geven mayn zeyde
    • batgirl Sep 28,2011 12:48 pm || Up

      I heartily look forward to waking up at 3am only to have DirectTV fk up the feed.

  5. monkeyball Sep 28,2011 12:07 pm

    Finally, a politician mikeV can support:

    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • MikeV Sep 28,2011 1:19 pm || Up

      Perfect.

      And I have to say: mikev is one of my favorite people on here -slusser.

      Thanks, and go As.

    • spwc2010 Sep 29,2011 8:35 am || Up

      Those guys actually are kinda shitty musicians.

      Some metalheads can really really play, but others have less chops than 70’s punks.

      \"Weren\'t you already aware the Kay is already writing everyone\'s story? We\'re all just characters who believe we are real. Things make more sense now, don\'t they. Be honest.\"- DMOAS
  6. monkeyball Sep 28,2011 12:08 pm
    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  7. monkeyball Sep 28,2011 12:22 pm

    Not all U-32 H.S. grads are the same, Chapter XXVII

    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  8. monkeyball Sep 28,2011 12:28 pm

    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • spwc2010 Sep 28,2011 1:07 pm || Up

      I almost lost a foot to one of those back in my night job in high school.

      Dude pierced my Converse All-star and made a foot-forklift-shoe triple decker sandwich.

      \"Weren\'t you already aware the Kay is already writing everyone\'s story? We\'re all just characters who believe we are real. Things make more sense now, don\'t they. Be honest.\"- DMOAS
  9. batgirl Sep 28,2011 12:55 pm

    I went to ACT last night and spent my pre-show time perusing a flyer for a 4 show ticket pack. It listed 4 benefits to purchasing, and the second was “A FREE SEAT UPGRADE!”

    • FreeSeatUpgrade Sep 28,2011 1:04 pm || Up

      Only second? Listen baby, there ain’t any bigger benefit than that.

      "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
      • monkeyball Sep 28,2011 3:28 pm || Up

        Hey, at least you displaced the steak knives.

        you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
      • batgirl Sep 29,2011 12:02 pm || Up

        On the plus side, I can’t remember any of the other three benefits, so you really stand out in a crowd!

    • nevermoor Sep 28,2011 1:31 pm || Up

      How was it?

      We’re going Friday, and it sounds like one we’ll like.

      "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
      • batgirl Sep 28,2011 4:52 pm || Up

        Um, I made it through acts 1 & 2. But I was very, very tired, so I’m not sure I gave it a fair judgment.

        • nevermoor Sep 28,2011 7:10 pm || Up

          Ruh roh.

          "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
  10. Poppy Sep 28,2011 1:23 pm

    Cronkite. C-R-O-N-K-I-T-E. Cronkite.

    There's a wild thing in the woolshed and it's keeping me awake at night.
    • monkeyball Sep 28,2011 1:32 pm || Up

      I never knew he was black. He really must have gotten his conk right.

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
      • Poppy Sep 28,2011 1:38 pm || Up

        I like how it’s spelled correctly once, and an editor is going to see that and go “Shit, I let a misspelling of Conkrite get through.”

        There's a wild thing in the woolshed and it's keeping me awake at night.
  11. ptbnl Sep 28,2011 1:46 pm

    Reyes lifted after his first AB – if I’m the Pirates manager I make sure Braun gets his 3/4.

    If this is His will, He's a son of a bitch.
    • MikeV Sep 28,2011 1:54 pm || Up

      What’s Kemp at? I’d like to see a triple crown.

      And I have to say: mikev is one of my favorite people on here -slusser.

      Thanks, and go As.

      • nevermoor Sep 28,2011 2:40 pm || Up

        Not close enough.

        "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
        • MikeV Sep 28,2011 3:31 pm || Up

          darn.

          And I have to say: mikev is one of my favorite people on here -slusser.

          Thanks, and go As.

    • ptbnl Sep 28,2011 6:02 pm || Up

      Braun is 0/2 so far, so it looks like Reyes gets it.

      If this is His will, He's a son of a bitch.
  12. monkeyball Sep 28,2011 2:13 pm

    Housekeeping note: I have two posts prepped and scheduled for this evening’s games. If anyone wants to preempt or edit/publish-early ’em, feel free.

    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  13. monkeyball Sep 28,2011 3:22 pm
    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  14. MikeV Sep 28,2011 3:46 pm

    WE’RE REALLY TRYING THIS TIME

    And I have to say: mikev is one of my favorite people on here -slusser.

    Thanks, and go As.

    • monkeyball Sep 28,2011 3:50 pm || Up

      Getting Matsui out of the lineup is totally dependent on the stadium situation.

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  15. FreeSeatUpgrade Sep 28,2011 6:16 pm

    Good question, deadspin…how is it that Steve Bartman can so complete disappear in this, the post-privacy era?

    "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
  16. nevermoor Sep 28,2011 7:22 pm
    "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
  17. suspicious coin Sep 29,2011 12:53 am

    The quadratic equation, as styled by the IRS.

    • nevermoor Sep 29,2011 12:59 am || Up

      I’m not sure what the point is.

      Anyone could follow those instructions and run the calculation.

      "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
      • dmoas Sep 29,2011 8:28 am || Up

        You have way too much faith in the American public.

        • nevermoor Sep 29,2011 9:32 am || Up

          Well, it’d be easier than just seeing the formula.

          "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
      • suspicious coin Sep 29,2011 9:19 pm || Up

        It’s just a clever parody of the IRS style. Sheesh, not everything is political.

        • dmoas Sep 29,2011 9:43 pm || Up

          Have you read any of the comments on Yahoo for sports articles? Cause that may make you think otherwise. :P

        • nevermoor Sep 29,2011 9:45 pm || Up

          I guess I just don’t understand what’s clever except that it’s implying IRS forms are stupid.

          "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
          • suspicious coin Sep 29,2011 9:47 pm || Up

            It takes an everyday mathematical operation and re-casts it in a style that is familiar yet is an absurd way to perform the operation. It’s funny.

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