… and now I’ve got something to say ← FREE KRAUT!

… and now I’ve got something to say 96

  1. Well, we can probably lay the Beane’s-leaving talk to rest now that Jenkins has jumped on the bandwagon (Really, Bruce? Dodgers? And no talk of the Lew-to-LA rumors? For shame — the Rumormongerers Local 101 shop steward will note this on your timesheets. Also, what’s up with that closing line? Are you implying that Wolffisher is going to move the franchise to the Off-World Colonies?)
  2. Billy David Billy, call Dayton STAT
  3. I think this has been the A’s organizational business philosophy
  4. TWDHS

    if it puts something good on the table, I’ll give it a look and let you know.

  5. TWGGBPS

    It’s been too wet and it won’t stick

  6. In college, I played kettle drums for the Frickstad Viaduct Demolition
  7. Don’t blame me, I voted for against shark attack
  8. I prefer the term “Lesmon” (and I still think the stealth strategery may be for Obama to replace Biden with Huntsman)
  9. I am monkey #1

96 thoughts on “… and now I’ve got something to say

  1. nevermoor Aug 29,2011 12:21 pm

    Re 5: DFA’s been organizin’

    You sort of work in slow motion up here

    "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
  2. ptbnl Aug 29,2011 12:34 pm
    If this is His will, He's a son of a bitch.
    • monkeyball Aug 29,2011 12:49 pm || Up

      They just thought it was his eponymous appendage

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
      • suspicious coin Aug 30,2011 9:11 pm || Up

        that reminds me, when are you going to FilK “DeJesus Was Way Cool?”

        • FreeSeatUpgrade Aug 30,2011 9:45 pm || Up

          Meh…DeJesus Was Just Alright with me.

          "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
  3. monkeyball Aug 29,2011 12:52 pm

    8. Temple garments gnomes

    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  4. monkeyball Aug 29,2011 12:57 pm

    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • nevermoor Aug 29,2011 1:03 pm || Up

      Clever.

      "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
    • batgirl Aug 30,2011 10:34 am || Up

      I just watched the movie preview on the A’s website. The movie may suck, but I’ll probably need to go just to relive the 20 game streak.

  5. monkeyball Aug 29,2011 1:01 pm
    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  6. MikeV Aug 29,2011 2:07 pm
    And I have to say: mikev is one of my favorite people on here -slusser.

    Thanks, and go As.

  7. FreeSeatUpgrade Aug 29,2011 2:09 pm

    3. That view of the organizational workforce very much mirrors my experience.

    Also, “the HBR Blog Network.” Blez’ new foothold in the Ivy League?

    "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
  8. FreeSeatUpgrade Aug 29,2011 2:10 pm

    1. “A franchise so irrevocably doomed”?

    "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
    • ptbnl Aug 29,2011 2:13 pm || Up

      Must be referring to the Chronicle.

      If this is His will, He's a son of a bitch.
    • monkeyball Aug 29,2011 2:47 pm || Up

      He forgot the init cap there

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  9. monkeyball Aug 29,2011 2:47 pm

    nm bait: one, two

    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • ptbnl Aug 29,2011 2:51 pm || Up

      Re. two, surely stoning is the way of the future.

      If this is His will, He's a son of a bitch.
    • nevermoor Aug 29,2011 3:13 pm || Up

      1: Brilliant!

      2: I find that less funny

      "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
      • Leopold Bloom Aug 29,2011 3:25 pm || Up

        1. quite funny.
        2. Why the hell are you Sooner fan? Oh, wait, I read that wrong. nm, are you involved in NCADP?
        3. The monkey’s effing title has me singing effing Def Leppard from when I was 12.

        • nevermoor Aug 29,2011 3:38 pm || Up

          2. Mrs. N is from OKC.

          "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
          • Leopold Bloom Aug 29,2011 3:58 pm || Up

            She left when she realized that they could?

            • nevermoor Aug 29,2011 4:12 pm || Up

              Kind of, but it’s actually generally a nice place (though just when I let my guard down I surpass my maximum tolerance for confederate flags and melt down again. Also, megachurches are scary.)

              "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
        • andeux Aug 29,2011 3:49 pm || Up

          3. It got this song running through my head, which is especially odd since it’s not something I ever really listened to, but something I remember a Metallica-loving friend quoting back when I was 15.

          TINSTAAFK
    • suspicious coin Aug 30,2011 9:16 pm || Up

      2.

      with the same kind of hammer you might find in a kitchen drawer

      What the fuck kind of hammer is in your kitchen drawer?

      • DFA Aug 30,2011 9:20 pm || Up

        a regular hammer? also a meat hammer?

        In play, run(s)! Talk dirty to me gamecast, talk dirty. - Nevermoor
        • suspicious coin Aug 30,2011 10:25 pm || Up

          It never occurred to me to store the hammer in the kitchen drawer.

          • elcroata Aug 30,2011 11:48 pm || Up

            what’s next? you don’t have a chain-saw there either?

            Because survival is insufficient
            • suspicious coin Aug 30,2011 11:51 pm || Up

              Under my pillow just seems like a more natural choice.

              • elcroata Aug 30,2011 11:55 pm || Up

                My crazy aunt had an axe underneath her bad in her final months/years.

                Because survival is insufficient
                • Future Ed Aug 30,2011 11:58 pm || Up

                  did she cut off your finger?

                  I have $5. No I don\'t.
                • elcroata Aug 31,2011 12:02 am || Up

                  No, that was a neighbor kid. I didn’t have so much contact with her. I remember when Virginia first came to Croatia to visit the family, speaking no Croatian back then, we went to visit her. After the visit my aunt told me really loud and in Croatian “This one has good legs, let’s see how long she will last”.

                  Because survival is insufficient
                • JediLeroy Aug 31,2011 8:25 am || Up

                  A neighbor kid cut off your finger?

                  az di bobe volt gehat beytsim volt zi geven mayn zeyde
                • monkeyball Aug 31,2011 8:31 am || Up

                  In former Soviet satellite state, neighbor finger cuts off your kid.

                  you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
                • elcroata Aug 31,2011 10:20 am || Up

                  He didn’t mean to. I was a hyperactive 4-yr old hanging around the older kids and I happened to put my hand in the wrong place as he was chopping some wood

                  Because survival is insufficient
                • monkeyball Aug 31,2011 10:22 am || Up

                  TWECS

                  I happened to put my hand in the wrong place as he was chopping some wood

                  you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
                • andeux Aug 31,2011 10:25 am || Up
                  TINSTAAFK
                • elcroata Aug 31,2011 10:38 am || Up

                  Holy fuck!
                  That’s eerily similar and the age is the same. We were at my uncle’s house at the river, also some 30 miles away from the nearest hospital. But my finger got chopped much higher, just around the last knuckle. I remember that my parents were very strict and that I picked up the chopped part and went to my 15yr old sister and asked her if we could keep it a secret. We couldn’t.

                  So my Dad drove to the hospital, they did their thing and then for weeks, I think, my parents and my sister had to do shifts while I was sleeping to make sure I don’t turn into a position where circulation to my hand would be impeded. That was awesome, I was like a little prince and had the cast all the way to the elbow and all the kindergarten kids were envious. I also remember that it didn’t hurt at all when it was chopped off, unlike most other finger accidents I had.

                  But, I think the important question is, as mine was recovered and his wasn’t: Do former Soviet satellites have faster cars or better health system?

                  Because survival is insufficient
                • nevermoor Aug 31,2011 10:40 am || Up

                  So… you gonna get the band back together?

                  Also, our health system is worse than just about any developed country.

                  "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
  10. FreeSeatUpgrade Aug 29,2011 3:26 pm

    Sunday, September 18. Last home weekend game of the year. I plan on tailgating with some family and friends; anyone interested in joining me? May not elevate this to the level of an official Free Vent (e.g., probably not buying a block of tickets in advance), but I’d be happy to host as many of you FKers as are inclined to attend.

    "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
    • Leopold Bloom Aug 29,2011 3:29 pm || Up

      can we sit in the value deck and pee on those below us?

    • ptbnl Aug 29,2011 3:34 pm || Up

      That’s the one with free Moneyball tickets attached, yes?

      If this is His will, He's a son of a bitch.
    • nevermoor Aug 29,2011 3:38 pm || Up

      I’ll be there, but it’s also the day that the Yale Club gets to meet Breslow in advance, so I’ll be doing that.

      "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
      • Leopold Bloom Aug 29,2011 3:58 pm || Up

        do I get to tour Braden’s garage, too?

      • FreeSeatUpgrade Aug 29,2011 4:05 pm || Up

        Whales and bulldogs…you’ll use just about any animal excuse to get out of hanging with us FKing lowlifes, huh?

        "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
        • nevermoor Aug 29,2011 4:13 pm || Up

          It’s actually quite possible our seats will be close. I have no idea where we are sitting, but the whole thing was like $30/person including a donation to his charity, so that sounds about right for the MB movie passes section.

          "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
          • FreeSeatUpgrade Aug 29,2011 4:28 pm || Up

            I doubt I’ll go with the Moneyball coupon offer myself…$26 per ticket plus online “service” and “delivery” fees for the not-all-that-great outer parts of the Field section doesn’t scream hidden value to me. I’m more inclined towards the value deck unless the forecast is for oppressive sun that day.

            However, for a 1:05 start time I’ll probably have the tailgate up and running by 10:00 AM, so if you or anyone else is inclined to stop by before going inside, that’d be great.

            I’d be very interested to hear Breslow’s account of being a super smart guy within a pro sports clubhouse. Back in the 80’s the older brother of a good friend of mine was a hockey player at Harvard, who briefly pursued an NHL career, and he said he found the atmosphere almost brutally anti-intellectual, to the point where he said it made him quit (it could of course also be that he just wasn’t good enough).

            "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
            • nevermoor Aug 29,2011 4:31 pm || Up

              Yeah. I’ll look into exactly how it’s going to work and report back.

              "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
            • Soaker Aug 29,2011 4:46 pm || Up

              I thoroughly enjoyed Matt McCarthy’s book Odd Man Out which I’ve mentioned here before. McCarthy was a teammate of Breslow at Yale and pitched a season for the Provo Slegna. Some of the details in the book have been challenged as inaccurate so take it with a few grains of salt; it’s still entertaining.

              What I discovered Blew. My. Mind. -- Pat Boone
              • Leopold Bloom Aug 29,2011 5:21 pm || Up

                Although he didn’t go to a fancy learnin’ school with books and sech, Dick Hayhurst’s THE BULLPEN GOSPELS is pretty much a smart man’s walk through dumb baseball.

                • monkeyball Aug 29,2011 5:23 pm || Up

                  {cough} #4 {cough}

                  you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
                • Leopold Bloom Aug 29,2011 5:51 pm || Up

                  silly monkey. I canna be bothered to click on the links you’ve thoughtfully and painstakingly gathered for us.

                • suspicious coin Aug 30,2011 9:19 pm || Up

                  …and then obfuscated the content within the links with inscrutable link-text.

                • Future Ed Aug 29,2011 6:24 pm || Up

                  I liked the Mcarthy book but, the voice was a little on the “I am smarter than you, but honestly, I am a regular guy.” So that took away from it for me

                  I have $5. No I don\'t.
                • Soaker Aug 29,2011 7:54 pm || Up

                  Valid point, but that tone will address FSU’s interest in what it’s like to be “a super smart guy within a pro sports clubhouse”.

                  What I discovered Blew. My. Mind. -- Pat Boone
                • Future Ed Aug 29,2011 8:06 pm || Up

                  I agree, the FSU question did come through. I felt that the anecdotes about people talking to him about going to Yale didn’t advance the narrative, but simply reminded the reader that he went to Yale.

                  I have $5. No I don\'t.
            • sslinger Aug 29,2011 5:14 pm || Up

              I’m pretty sure we have tickets for that game, so we’ll probably join you.

    • andeux Aug 30,2011 2:32 pm || Up

      I’ll probably be up for a tailgate and ballgame that day.
      9/18 … why does that date ring a bell?

      TINSTAAFK
      • FreeSeatUpgrade Aug 30,2011 3:58 pm || Up

        Constantine the Great’s victory over Licinius in the Battle of Chrysopolis, establishing Constantine’s sole control over the Roman Empire? The final episode of The Guiding Light, which ended a 72-year run for the show? Something in between?

        "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
        • ptbnl Aug 30,2011 4:04 pm || Up

          Ryne Sandberg’s birthday?

          If this is His will, He's a son of a bitch.
  11. Future Ed Aug 29,2011 4:10 pm

    Weeks Will have To hit a homerun Sometime

    I have $5. No I don\'t.
    • nevermoor Aug 29,2011 4:23 pm || Up

      /Kendall

      "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
  12. Future Ed Aug 29,2011 4:21 pm

    I almost drove off the road. I didn’t know catchers were able to throw runners out

    I have $5. No I don\'t.
  13. FreeSeatUpgrade Aug 29,2011 4:30 pm

    Who the hell is Neil Wagner?

    "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
    • monkeyball Aug 29,2011 4:33 pm || Up

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • Future Ed Aug 29,2011 5:19 pm || Up

      Neil Hamburger

      I have $5. No I don\'t.
      • suspicious coin Aug 30,2011 9:24 pm || Up

        Rangers just called up some guy named Mark Hamburger.

  14. nevermoor Aug 29,2011 6:50 pm

    Man. Sometimes I can’t decide if I wish spam filters were better than they are:

    I got your email address from the US District Court-Western District of Washington Attorney Directory.

    Here is one Microsoft Word version of my Supreme Court Brief and a sample injunction (which was denied by Justice Kennedy) for you to email to people. I am asking for one hundred million, as a settlement figure for relief, with one third to go to the attorney who represents me.

    I want to sue the President of the United States and the Director of National Intelligence (DNI). When you sue them it goes to the local U.S. Attorney’s office and the Attorney General of the United States (AKA Solicitor General.) So it is not so scary as it might at first seem. Sure, you mail copies to the President and the DNI, but it is the U.S. Attorney’s office and the Attorney General of the United States who handle the defense and the paperwork. Acting Solicitor General, Neal Kumar Katyal issued a waiver of the government’s right to file a response.

    First, I will need an INJUNCTION preventing the agencies under the DNI from using mind control satellite surveillance electronic weapons against me and any of my contacts, that includes my attorneys and the judge. They will attack my attorneys and the judge unless specifically instructed not to. My intelligence officer and his cohorts will proceed to interfere with the legal process unless prevented from doing so. After the INJUNCTION is in place, strategy and planning can go forward. I need a cease and desist order compelling the military to stop harassing me with their satellite-based electronic warfare. You can see it work on my website http://www.mindcontrolusa.com. This is a true depiction of the invisible waves graphically working my body.

    There are sixteen agencies/departments under the umbrella of the Director of National Intelligence, they all report to him, they are:

    Department of the Air Force

    Department of the Army

    Central Intelligence Agency (CIA)

    United States Coast Guard

    Defense Intelligence Agency (DIA)

    Department of Energy

    Department of Homeland Security

    Department of State

    Department of the Treasury

    Drug Enforcement Administration

    Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI)

    United States Marine Corps

    National Geospatial Intelligence Agency

    National Reconnaissance Office

    National Security Agency (NSA)

    Department of the Navy

    The DNI reports to the President. The DNI office was created at the behest of the 9/11 Commission (appointed by Congress) as a way to prevent further terrorist attacks.

    The website is DNI.gov, it is full of tons of information.

    I ended up desperately representing myself and appealed all the way to the Supreme Court. My Supreme Court brief is attached. The Supreme Court denied my petition.

    Freedom from Covert Harassment and Surveillance (FFCHS) is a fifteen-hundred person-strong organization of people just like myself who have been tortured (and in many cases killed) by satellite surveillance electromagnetic waves. They are proceeding without representation. Derrick Robinson runs FFCHS, his number is 1-800-571-5618 and his email is derrickcrobinson@gmail.com and his website is http://www.FreedomFCHS.com. Follow this link http://washingtonbriefs.com/2010/07/16/petition-to-watch-or-maybe-not/ it is a good link to follow. (You may have to copy and paste into your browser address bar.)

    Spy satellites, how do they work and what are they capable of? Do they merely look and track or do they do something more sinister; like torture and kill?

    I maintain that spy satellites are sinister. They use invisible rays and track like a spotlight their targets. Then they spring their attack as described in my Supreme Court Brief. Spy satellites torture, maim and kill many, many thousands of people every year. They are used to:

    Read people’s minds. The content is audible like a conversation.
    Apply pain and torture a body.
    Cause suicide to escape the pain and torment.
    Directly murder by heart attack and stroke.
    Murder by mind controlling the target into committing the crime.
    Murder by mind controlling a small group into committing a terrorist attack.
    Control the thoughts and actions of world leaders.
    These sinister machines in the sky, hidden by the atmosphere, should be covered by the national press. The Washington Post article “Top Secret America” by Dana Priest and William Arkin does not address what the actual secret is in top secret. I maintain it is the functioning capabilities of spy satellites.

    I have been attacked by satellites for ten years. I sent out over 700 letters nationwide soliciting help from attorneys in 2006 and 2007. Only one attorney offered to help and he wanted $10,000 up front just to start. I am still waiting for someone to represent me. Anyone will do. If you cannot help directly, could you please forward this email to someone else who may be interested in helping?

    "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
    • FreeSeatUpgrade Aug 29,2011 6:56 pm || Up

      I’d help him, but frankly, if the satellites have been attacking him for 10 years and he’s still cranking out Supreme Court briefs, the damages just can’t be that substantial.

      "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
      • monkeyball Aug 29,2011 6:57 pm || Up

        It’s all part of their plan.

        you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • andeux Aug 29,2011 6:56 pm || Up

      I like that he believes the government is using mind-control satellites on him, but also seems confident that a court injunction will stop them.

      TINSTAAFK
    • monkeyball Aug 29,2011 6:57 pm || Up

      Jeez, I ask you ONE TIME for help …

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
      • nevermoor Aug 29,2011 6:58 pm || Up

        Your first mistake was looking in Seattle.

        "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
        • Leopold Bloom Aug 29,2011 10:31 pm || Up

          Your second was leaving me alive, you damn dirty ape!

          [throws spear at mb]

          • nevermoor Aug 29,2011 10:39 pm || Up

            Well played.

            "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
    • Future Ed Aug 29,2011 7:04 pm || Up

      when he wins, won’t you look foolish

      I have $5. No I don\'t.
      • nevermoor Aug 29,2011 10:40 pm || Up

        No, because there’s no way he’d want to / be able to pay me. And boy would that not get past the Pro Bono committee.

        "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
        • suspicious coin Aug 30,2011 9:25 pm || Up

          You guys have a committee devoted to helping that guy from U2.

          • nevermoor Aug 30,2011 10:16 pm || Up

            It’s one of the great things about being a lawyer. Every one of us gets to work with Bono

            "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
            • Future Ed Aug 30,2011 11:56 pm || Up

              One of my friends was asked in our PR class whether he thought the bar should require pro bono work.

              He said “I don’t even like to work when I am getting paid, there is no way in hell I am working for free.”

              I have $5. No I don\'t.
              • nevermoor Aug 31,2011 12:03 am || Up

                To be fair to him, that’s the attitude taken by essentially every other profession there is.

                "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
                • spwc2010 Aug 31,2011 6:59 am || Up

                  and it all leads back to one of the main human problems: Work.

                  I sincerely hope that through biotech advances, humans can eliminate the need to eat regularly, and almost all of their diseases.

                  The way I see it… if you can eat dirt or garbage and don’t need shelter, you don’t need to work, either.

                  \"Weren\'t you already aware the Kay is already writing everyone\'s story? We\'re all just characters who believe we are real. Things make more sense now, don\'t they. Be honest.\"- DMOAS
    • Leopold Bloom Aug 29,2011 10:32 pm || Up

      Write him back, tell him the Masons will be in touch with him soon.

      • nevermoor Aug 29,2011 10:41 pm || Up

        My favorite part of the whole thing is the bit about how I shouldn’t be nervous to sue the president, because Obama won’t really read it.

        "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
        • Leopold Bloom Aug 29,2011 10:49 pm || Up

          he’s Kenyan–don’t read ‘merican.

          • dmoas Aug 30,2011 6:06 pm || Up

            Also accepted:
            he’s American-he don’t read.

  15. FreeSeatUpgrade Aug 29,2011 7:47 pm

    I am amused on several levels by this story of the Cheese Board’s Chez Panisse celebration getting shut down by the Berkeley fuzz.

    "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
    • monkeyball Aug 30,2011 7:32 am || Up

      That is great.

      “Cheese Board shut down by Berkeley fuzz” sounds like there’s a local mold genus affecting their stocks.

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  16. andeux Aug 30,2011 9:45 am
    TINSTAAFK
  17. JediLeroy Aug 30,2011 9:46 am

    Slippery fish, slippery fish, sliding through the water,
    Slippery fish, slippery fish, Gulp, Gulp, Gulp!
    Oh, no! It’s been eaten by an …

    Octopus, octopus, squiggling in the water
    Octopus, octopus, Gulp, Gulp, Gulp!
    Oh, no! It’s been eaten by a …

    Tuna fish, tuna fish, flashing in the water,
    Tuna fish, tuna fish, Gulp, Gulp, Gulp!
    Oh, no! It’s been eaten by a …

    Great white shark, great white shark, lurking in the water,
    Great white shark, great white shark, Gulp, Gulp, Gulp!
    Oh, no! It’s been eaten by a …

    Humongous whale, humongous whale, spouting in the water,
    Humongous whale, humongous whale,
    Gulp! … Gulp! … Gulp! … BURP!

    Pardon me!

    Oh, no! It’s been eaten by a …

    Japanese, Japanese…

    az di bobe volt gehat beytsim volt zi geven mayn zeyde
    • spwc2010 Aug 30,2011 10:05 am || Up

      only the Cannibals, Aliens, and Space Whales left to go from there…

      \"Weren\'t you already aware the Kay is already writing everyone\'s story? We\'re all just characters who believe we are real. Things make more sense now, don\'t they. Be honest.\"- DMOAS
      • JediLeroy Aug 30,2011 2:35 pm || Up

        Space Japanese?

        az di bobe volt gehat beytsim volt zi geven mayn zeyde
  18. nevermoor Aug 30,2011 11:29 am
    "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
    • suspicious coin Aug 30,2011 10:24 pm || Up

      Sounds to me like an argument against terrorism.

      • nevermoor Aug 31,2011 12:04 am || Up

        … or against reacting to terrorists with terror.

        "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
  19. suspicious coin Aug 30,2011 9:13 pm

    7:

    I’ve had some correspondents ask me if I think a hurricane could have some kind of stimulative effect via some counterintuitive broken windows dynamic or something. My read is that there’s no silver lining in this whatsoever.

    Somebody call Krugman!

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