Five tools ← FREE KRAUT!

Five tools 98

25 Mar 2011  |  monkeyball  |The Grill

Ah, yes, the true traditional sign of spring: when I archive the March Madness app and replace it on my front page with the MLB app …

98 thoughts on “Five tools”

  1. nevermoor Mar 25,2011 9:37 am

    4: JL: What is the LDS reaction to all of it. They were saying (on either Colbert or the Daily Show) that it was positive, but I’m interested in a less-biased take than the show’s creators.

    "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
    • JediLeroy Mar 25,2011 3:32 pm || Up

      I, of course, haven’t seen it, but I’d imagine there will be a lot of people who will get the wrong idea about us and what we believe. I don’t like the idea at all. Everything I’ve seen from Parker and Stone seems to kindly mock what we believe, and while it might seem like they know what we believe, they’re fundamentally off on quite a few things.

      Imagine the outrage if they did this with the Koran–we’re not going to be rioting in the streets or burning any effigies, but as a wise horse once said–no sir, I don’t like it.

      az di bobe volt gehat beytsim volt zi geven mayn zeyde
      • nevermoor Mar 25,2011 3:33 pm || Up

        Fair enough.

        If you see reviews once people start seeing it I hope you’ll grill ’em. I think you’re probably right that it’s funny only in the mormons-are-ok-to-mock sense.

        "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
        • JediLeroy Mar 26,2011 6:33 pm || Up

          The church’s official response:

          In response to news media requests, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has issued the following statement regarding the upcoming Broadway musical entitled The Book of Mormon:

          The production may attempt to entertain audiences for an evening, but the Book of Mormon as a volume of scripture will change people’s lives forever by bringing them closer to Christ.

          This article gives a bit of context to the way the church responds. (I’m not preaching–just giving info.)

          az di bobe volt gehat beytsim volt zi geven mayn zeyde
          • nevermoor Mar 27,2011 9:38 am || Up

            Thanks.

            It’s an interesting media strategy.

            "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
  2. monkeyball Mar 25,2011 9:43 am

    Good thing I Grilled before I saw this …

    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  3. monkeyball Mar 25,2011 9:56 am
    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  4. monkeyball Mar 25,2011 11:09 am
    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  5. monkeyball Mar 25,2011 11:09 am
    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  6. monkeyball Mar 25,2011 11:10 am

    Christ, what anomodont

    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • nevermoor Mar 25,2011 12:32 pm || Up

      Your reading list is bizarre

      "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
      • monkeyball Mar 25,2011 3:18 pm || Up

        Dramatic altered sex ratio of Sea Lamprey from male to female? Dramatic altered sex ratio of Sea Lamprey from male to female.

        you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  7. FreeSeatUpgrade Mar 25,2011 11:17 am

    I’ll be spending some time this weekend at the Infineon Raceway, attending the 24 Hours of Lemons race. Think Burning Man meets burning oil and burning rubber. Like this:

    Also, my brother-in-law “Judge Phil” informs me that not only are some of the players from the Ghost Ride the Whip to Keep the A’s in Oakland involved with a Lemons team, but that the famous Volvo itself is now for sale for $500 on the Lemons forums.

    "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
    • Soaker Mar 25,2011 12:50 pm || Up

      Looks a bit like the parking lot at a Jimmy Buffett show.

      What I discovered Blew. My. Mind. -- Pat Boone
  8. monkeyball Mar 25,2011 11:51 am

    It’s just possible that I may love Joe Maddon more than I love Manny Ramirez

    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  9. nevermoor Mar 25,2011 12:29 pm

    K-Thug being K-Thug as the attack on thinking continues.

    "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
  10. monkeyball Mar 25,2011 1:16 pm
    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • nevermoor Mar 25,2011 1:46 pm || Up

      Depends on what this “mission” turns out to be. I generally trust his judgment.

      "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
      • monkeyball Mar 25,2011 6:54 pm || Up

        See also #4

        you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  11. monkeyball Mar 25,2011 3:02 pm
    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • monkeyball Mar 25,2011 3:07 pm || Up

      Moar Wolff bait from Ezra:

      we tend to overestimate how bad a future loss will be, and so we pay too much to insure against it. For example … how much would you have to be compensated for the loss of [s small lower portion of your corporeal territory]? As you’re typing, you might think: “Millions! I’m willing to give up a big part of my paycheck!” But if you examined people who’d actually lost [s small lower portion of their corporeal territory], you’d probably find that they’re doing just fine. It’s an inconvenience, but not a horror, and you shouldn’t give up half your paycheck to be compensated for that loss.

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
      • andeux Mar 25,2011 3:19 pm || Up

        I wonder if young Ezra likes to gamble.

        TINSTAAFK
        • monkeyball Mar 25,2011 3:23 pm || Up

          Lew Wolff is The Man From the South(land)

          you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
      • the dogfather Mar 25,2011 3:21 pm || Up

        Define “small.”

        Also, at this writing, I have ten fingers and ten toes. The marginal value of each goes up as the total number goes down. The first one is nearly priceless, as is that solitary other lower portion of the ol’ corporeal territory.

        Sorry, Ezra.

        The meaning of life is not so much found, as it is Made. -- Opus
      • monkeyball Mar 25,2011 3:43 pm || Up

        From the interview which Ezra linked, apparently SCIENCE! proves that we should be perfctly happy with the 2010-2011 A’s:

        principles of spending efficiently, including:

        1) Buy more experiences and fewer material objects
        2) Buy many small things rather than a few large things
        3) Avoid extended warranties and outsized insurance plans

        The good thing about peak experiences is that they make us happy while we are having them, but the bad thing is that they then serve as a standard of comparison for all the experiences that follow. … If you asked people if they’d prefer an ice cream cone every Monday for the next few weeks or a great meal at a French restaurant, most would probably take the great meal gift certificate. But it turns out that the frequency of positive events is a better predictor of happiness than intensity of those positive events

        you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  12. nevermoor Mar 25,2011 3:32 pm

    Neyer gets to the A’s.

    First of all, JESUS CHRIST ROB… REALLY… THIS?!?

    the Athletics don’t have any great hitters at all unless you count Daric Barton, who plays first base and drove in 57 runs last year.

    After that, he makes an interesting point about GS questions and adds essentially nothing to my understanding.

    "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
  13. monkeyball Mar 25,2011 3:38 pm

    6.

    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • nevermoor Mar 25,2011 3:47 pm || Up

      Now you’re just faking it.

      "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
  14. FreeSeatUpgrade Mar 25,2011 3:43 pm

    I can understand why you’ve chosen today to archive your March Madness app. Me, I’m hoping to keep using mine for another 11 days or so. I’m also very happy that the A’s home opener does not conflict with the NCAA championship game this year, as it often does (to this day I still have not seen video of Butler’s near-miss).

    "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
    • monkeyball Mar 25,2011 3:47 pm || Up

      I watched most of the first half while JP was falling asleep, then once he went to bed at about halftime, I had to turn the game off and do some work. Checked my phone 20 minutes later, rolled my eyes, and ignored the rest of the game.

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • nevermoor Mar 25,2011 3:48 pm || Up

      Speaking of… there going to be any FKing tailgate action next Friday?

      "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
      • FreeSeatUpgrade Mar 25,2011 4:32 pm || Up

        I don’t have any plans yet. I also may have an extra ticket.

        "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
      • andeux Mar 25,2011 4:40 pm || Up

        Note that there will be Free Beer! (while supplies last) quite close to FSU’s usual spot.

        TINSTAAFK
      • the dogfather Mar 25,2011 5:18 pm || Up

        There’s also a Fan Appreciation Tailgate on Tuesday, for those for whom that’s not oxymoronic. Beer may not be free, or served in the right size container.

        Note, though, that you can getcher pic taken with World Series TrophIES.

        The meaning of life is not so much found, as it is Made. -- Opus
      • nanotrebuchet Mar 25,2011 9:12 pm || Up

        I will be there with the fam but likely not in time for tailgating.

      • Poppy Mar 26,2011 11:18 am || Up

        I’ll be working something like a graveyard shift Thursday-Friday, so I’ll probably be sound asleep Friday afternoon until I wake with a jolt of “SHIT! IT’S LATE!” and then scramble madly out of Redwood City at 6:30 pm.

        There's a wild thing in the woolshed and it's keeping me awake at night.
  15. FreeSeatUpgrade Mar 25,2011 4:25 pm

    Today’s the 100th anniversary of the Triangle Shirtwaist Fire.

    "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
  16. andeux Mar 25,2011 4:48 pm

    Wasn’t SuSlu leading the Matsui bandwagon a couple of months ago? How quickly they turn:

    Many believe that Carter is an eventual DH, and much as I hate to say it, perhaps that might be sooner rather than later if Hideki Matsui doesn’t get it going the first couple months of the season. Everyone says he’s a slow starter, and boy, that is certainly true, but he seems as if he grounds into a double play a day. That’s not what the A’s want to see during the regular season from their big offseason acquisition.

    TINSTAAFK
    • nevermoor Mar 25,2011 6:02 pm || Up

      Maybe they’ll miss Cust after all…

      whocoodanode

      "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
  17. FreeSeatUpgrade Mar 25,2011 5:08 pm

    Man! 40 to 15 at half! 15!

    "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
    • Soaker Mar 25,2011 5:36 pm || Up

      I remember the year Penn somehow made it all the way to the Final Four, where they ran into Magic Johnson and Michigan State. At one point the score was something like 50-10. But that was an Ivy League team; this is Big East. It’s not getting much better in the second half, but Roy’s walk-ons will be getting some good Sweet Sixteen playing time a bit later.

      What I discovered Blew. My. Mind. -- Pat Boone
      • FreeSeatUpgrade Mar 25,2011 6:26 pm || Up

        Victory! And watch out batgirl, the Tar Heel women are coming for you!

        "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
        • batgirl Mar 29,2011 12:47 pm || Up

          Mmm Hmm.

          • FreeSeatUpgrade Mar 29,2011 7:30 pm || Up

            Heels played ’em tough. Stanford looks good; I’ll be rooting for ’em. Though it’s also hard to root against Muffet McGraw.

            "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
  18. monkeyball Mar 25,2011 5:10 pm

    In college, I played complex financial instruments for Florence and the Derivatives Machine.

    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  19. monkeyball Mar 25,2011 5:19 pm

    These guys have a new album out. It’s really FKin’ good.

    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • Leopold Bloom Mar 25,2011 5:51 pm || Up

      oooo, I like them.

    • Leopold Bloom Mar 25,2011 5:52 pm || Up

      …but it’s not April 17th…

      • monkeyball Mar 25,2011 6:07 pm || Up

        I have contacts on the inside

        (TWSS)

        you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
        • Leopold Bloom Mar 26,2011 6:20 am || Up

          I really do like those guys. I have one of their CDs. Upon reflection, you probably are responsible for me buying it, huh?

          • monkeyball Mar 26,2011 6:33 am || Up

            Perhaps. I’ve pimped ’em occasionally before.

            you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  20. nevermoor Mar 25,2011 8:51 pm

    DFWAS

    Seriously. Someone should end up in contempt of court for this.

    "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
  21. JediLeroy Mar 25,2011 9:09 pm

    ” frameborder=”0″ allowfullscreen>

    az di bobe volt gehat beytsim volt zi geven mayn zeyde
    • nanotrebuchet Mar 25,2011 11:05 pm || Up

      I had never heard of this song and I see that missed out on this week’s instameme. Y’know, I’ll acknowledge that the Beeb, annoying as he is, has some degree of talent (looks, charisma, the dreamy hair). But this poor girl – who I suspect is being used mostly as a vehicle for adults to coin some cash – has no redeeming qualities. She’s not pop star pretty, the degree of autotune suggests that she can’t sing, she has no apparent charm or charisma.

      I wonder how far down the no talent spectrum you can go and still manufacture a youtube pop sensation. I nominate myself: I’m uglier, a worse singer, and my charisma is off-the-charts in the wrong direction.

      • monkeyball Mar 26,2011 6:19 am || Up

        ” frameborder=”0″ allowfullscreen>

        you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
        • JediLeroy Mar 28,2011 3:48 pm || Up

          I just need to let you know how awesome I think this is.

          az di bobe volt gehat beytsim volt zi geven mayn zeyde
        • nanotrebuchet Apr 6,2011 9:29 pm || Up

          This is actually a pretty “good” (catchy, oddly creative) song. Much better than Rebecca Black.

          • JediLeroy Apr 6,2011 10:58 pm || Up

            I’ve watched it at least twenty times and sent it to various friends. I couldn’t get it out of my head for days.

            az di bobe volt gehat beytsim volt zi geven mayn zeyde
            • JediLeroy Apr 6,2011 11:00 pm || Up

              And here I am, watching it again and laughing while bobbing my head.

              az di bobe volt gehat beytsim volt zi geven mayn zeyde
              • nanotrebuchet Apr 6,2011 11:07 pm || Up

                Yeah, this guy also appears to get legitimate joy, kooky or otherwise, out of his song. Young Ms. Black looks like she thinks she should be getting joy out of hers.

          • batgirl Apr 7,2011 10:30 am || Up

            I wish the video had subtitles of the lyrics.

            • JediLeroy Apr 7,2011 3:09 pm || Up

              Jumping so high we touch the sky
              So wipe the snot out of your eyes
              ‘Cause it’s my Gravy Rainbow
              Gravy Rainbow, Gravy Rainbow

              Mister Sunshine is within reach
              Girls on the beach
              Well all they want is a Gravy Rainbow
              They do the Mashed Potato on the Gravy Rainbow

              Gravy Rainbow takes you to space
              Then it’ll drop you off in some other place
              It’s a cool place
              They got everything that I know you like now

              Let me tell you just what we’ll do
              Plant a gravy seed, just me and you
              And grow some dreams
              We’ll have a baby on the Gravy Rainbow

              Baby, baby be mine tonight
              We’ll take a flight and then we’ll see
              That magic happens
              When you wish upon a Gravy Rainbow

              az di bobe volt gehat beytsim volt zi geven mayn zeyde
  22. nanotrebuchet Mar 25,2011 10:04 pm

    Sammy Hagar: I was abducted by aliens. Did they probe him for unlawful carnal knowledge?

    “This was long before computers or any kind of wireless. There weren’t even wireless telephones. Looking back now, it was like, ‘F—, they downloaded something into me!’ Or they uploaded something from my brain, like an experiment.”

    Am I to think that it was aliens, and not Hagar himself, who wrote one of the most nuanced, powerful protest songs of all time?
    ” frameborder=”0″ allowfullscreen>
    I must here acknowledge that Hagar did write one of the most powerful protest songs of all time.

  23. Soaker Mar 26,2011 10:14 am

    You folks down in the Bay Area may need to get an Gameday Audio subscription to hear Korach and Cotroneo. Cancelling the broadcasts tonight and tomorrow is not a good sign.

    What I discovered Blew. My. Mind. -- Pat Boone
    • andeux Mar 26,2011 11:07 am || Up

      Oh for fk’s sake.

      TINSTAAFK
    • ptbnl Mar 26,2011 11:38 am || Up

      Sheesh … it’s no way to run a ball-club (unless “into the ground” is your MO).

      If this is His will, He's a son of a bitch.
      • Poppy Mar 26,2011 1:43 pm || Up

        There's a wild thing in the woolshed and it's keeping me awake at night.
  24. andeux Mar 26,2011 11:12 am

    Not pulling any punches I: Krugman:

    Um, no — that’s the kind of answer that, in Econ 101, has you suggesting that the student get special tutoring.

    TINSTAAFK
    • nevermoor Mar 26,2011 3:52 pm || Up

      That’s good work.

      "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
  25. andeux Mar 26,2011 11:14 am

    Not pulling any punches II: Posnanski:

    I bring this up now because former New York Times sportswriter Murray Chass has written a post so vile and untrue and devoid of basic decency that I have found myself once again in that strange place where I’m not sure what to do. On the one hand, Murray Chass is a nobody now. He’s a bitter man with a past and a blog he refuses to call a blog. He seems to bring dishonor to himself and his work with such regularity now that I cannot help but wonder if he was in fact a vile hack throughout his newspaper career but few noticed because he happened to be on the right side of the baseball labor issue and the indomitable Marvin Miller.

    TINSTAAFK
  26. mikeA Mar 26,2011 1:00 pm
  27. monkeyball Mar 26,2011 1:43 pm

    TWKGS

    The monster only appears after summer comes.

    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  28. Ice Cream Mar 26,2011 2:19 pm

    Poppy bait.
    [h/t whiteshoes40]

    Where is the good in "good-bye"?
    • Poppy Mar 26,2011 8:49 pm || Up

      Yeah, I get SuSlu tweets (Sleets?) as texts to my phone. So I’ve already barfed from those two. Last time MaEl had chinshit, it was really weird chinshit.

      There's a wild thing in the woolshed and it's keeping me awake at night.
      • nanotrebuchet Mar 26,2011 8:55 pm || Up

      • whiteshoes40 Mar 26,2011 9:10 pm || Up

        I refuse to call him that “nickname.” I can’t even type it.

        • FreeSeatUpgrade Mar 26,2011 10:38 pm || Up

          MaEl, as in mael pattern baldness.

          "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
          • Poppy Mar 27,2011 12:14 pm || Up

            LOL! But I think she means the “dawg” one…

            The other thing I don’t like about Ice Cream’s link is that it shoved my face back into the unicorn concept misinterpretation I’ve always loved so much over there.

            There's a wild thing in the woolshed and it's keeping me awake at night.
            • Ice Cream Mar 27,2011 2:08 pm || Up

              Sorry, Poppy. :-(

              It may make you feel better to know that’s actually me in the .gif you previously posted.

              Where is the good in "good-bye"?
  29. Leopold Bloom Mar 26,2011 3:53 pm

    This Butler-Florida game is pretty frickin’ good. I’m not much for basketball, but…

  30. FreeSeatUpgrade Mar 27,2011 11:39 am

    Most venomous asp on the loose in the Bronx since George Steinbrenner died.

    "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
    • Ice Cream Mar 27,2011 11:59 am || Up

      Based on our knowledge of the natural history and behavior of snakes, we know they seek closed-in spaces and are not comfortable in open areas

      Christ, what an asp hole.

      Where is the good in "good-bye"?
    • the dogfather Mar 27,2011 3:18 pm || Up

      Answers to “Murray.”

      The meaning of life is not so much found, as it is Made. -- Opus
  31. FreeSeatUpgrade Mar 27,2011 6:11 pm

    OK, now I’m ready for baseball season.

    "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
  32. FreeSeatUpgrade Mar 27,2011 6:19 pm

    Admitting that life on the Giants is existential despair, Brian Wilson and Tim Lincecum quit the team in pursuit of spiritual fulfillment, Wilson at a Kundalini ashram, and Lincecum with the Nation of Islam.

    "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
    • FreeSeatUpgrade Mar 27,2011 6:25 pm || Up

      Crap, I cannot correctly embed the sfgate gallery photo from this article, which pretty much defeats the joke attempt.

      "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
      • ptbnl Mar 27,2011 6:48 pm || Up

        Fixed (the kludgy way).

        If this is His will, He's a son of a bitch.
        • FreeSeatUpgrade Mar 28,2011 9:08 am || Up

          Thanks!

          "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
    • ptbnl Mar 27,2011 6:57 pm || Up

      Timmy sadly misunderstood the “Bakery”.

      If this is His will, He's a son of a bitch.
  33. nevermoor Mar 27,2011 6:26 pm

    What an absolutely nutty tournament.

    I missed both today, ending with 38 correct picks and a dead bracket. Just yesterday I thought an AZ win would put me in first place b/c I assumed KU would win.

    "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
    • Leopold Bloom Mar 28,2011 4:06 am || Up

      Failed to recognize the powerhouse that is VCU.

      • 5Aces Mar 28,2011 7:43 am || Up

        I am done with my first ever bracket at 39 correct. The scary part though is that this actually won the group I was in. A group of 10 work friends and not one of us has a single team in the final four.

        Camelot sure fell apart, didn't it? -Steve McCatty
        • FreeSeatUpgrade Mar 28,2011 9:11 am || Up

          None of the 21 entrants in the pool I’m in got a single Final Four team correct. The pool winner got four of the Elite Eight correct; no one else did better than three, and most got two. Crazy tournament, especially since (even more than most years) the ovewrwhelming conventional wisdom said the very best three to six teams were miles ahead of everyone else.

          "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
          • nevermoor Mar 28,2011 10:12 am || Up

            Yeah. My wife was gunning for the last place booby prize, except now she has Kentucky in the Finals so she might well win.

            "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
          • sslinger Mar 28,2011 10:35 am || Up

            Per chron article

            two entrants out of 5.9 million entrants in ESPN’s contest correctly guessed the final four

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