Rosterbation Sensation Grill ← FREE KRAUT!

Rosterbation Sensation Grill 241

Here’s my presumptive, scribbled on a napkin, 25 heading into Spring Training:

Rotation: Graveman, Manaea, Mengden, Triggs, Bassitt
Pen: Treinen, Petit, Pagan, Buchter, Hendricks, Dull, Coulombe
Catchers: Maxwell, Phegley
Infielders: Olson, Lowrie, Semien, Chapman, Pinder
Outfielders: Joyce, Fowler, Piscotty, Powell
DH: Davis
Miscellaneous: Nunez

I’m sure I forgot someone and/or assumed a player has an option (Cotton? Montas?) that doesn’t exist.

Anyway, bring on the baseball already.

241 thoughts on “Rosterbation Sensation Grill

  1. Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 7,2018 3:43 pm

    Yeah, yeah…Casilla.

    FK that though.

  2. Soaker Soaker Feb 7,2018 3:52 pm

    Link to the PDF of the 2018 Media Guide (630 pgs.) I refer to that frequently during the season.

    Link to the options list, maintained by some guy who usually seems reliable on these matters. Núñez and Alcantara and Montas are out of options.

    • Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 7,2018 3:54 pm || Up

      Hmm. I think we would lose Montas, and I would rather that not happen just yet.

    • andeux andeux Feb 7,2018 4:02 pm || Up

      I think Slusser said Montas had a 4th option.
      edit:

      TINSTAAFK
      • Soaker Soaker Feb 7,2018 4:12 pm || Up

        If I had read his info in the Media Guide which I linked, I guess I could have figured that out.

        2016…began the year on the Dodgers 60-day disabled list with a fractured right rib cage, an injury suffered during the offseason…was sent to Double-A Tulsa on a rehab assignment May 22 and logged a 1.93 ERA in three games, including one start…was transferred to Triple-A Oklahoma City May 30 and made three additional rehab appearances before he was reinstated from the DL and optioned to Oklahoma City June 12…made one more appearance before going on the Triple-A DL June 19 with an inflamed right rib cage…missed the remainder of the season…

    • Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 7,2018 4:20 pm || Up

      This entry in the “Significant and Recent Trades During the Billy Beane Era” makes me so happy.

      Trevor Plouffe traded to Tampa Bay with cash for cash

      • Soaker Soaker Feb 8,2018 8:24 pm || Up

        A great trade, since the A’s offloaded Plouffe’s final 114 PA of .168/.263/.248 onto the Rays. I hope when Billy got the Paypal payment from the Rays he went across the freeway and got bags of Double-Doubles for lunch for the entire front office (probably couldn’t afford fries though). It looks like Plouffe is still a victim of this locked-up free agent market, there for the taking for anyone with the cash on hand.

        • Soaker Soaker Feb 13,2018 9:14 am || Up

          The Rangers are ready if Beltre (39 y.o. at start of season) gets hurt.

          The Rangers have signed veteran infielder/outfielder Trevor Plouffe to a Minor League deal that includes an invite to Major League Spring Training, the club announced Monday.

          (“infielder/outfielder”??)

  3. andeux andeux Feb 7,2018 4:01 pm

    Looks about right.

    Bassitt was used only in short stints (2 1/3 innings or less) in the minors late last year and only threw 50 innings total for the year after his surgery the year before, so I’d be surprised if they want to use him as a starter for the full year, if at all. Other candidates for that spot (or for that matter any of starters 3-5) are Gossett, Blackburn, and Cotton, but they all do have options left.

    Back of the bullpen is also uncertain, as always. I would pick the same 7 as you did as the most likely, but Dull, Coulombe, Hendricks were all only OK last year, and could easily lose out to Montas, Alcantara (out of options, and showed some promise in his second time up last year), Casilla (ugh), Hatcher (yuck), or one of the starters.

    Much more certainty on the hitting side, with the only likely competition being for the bench spots.

    TINSTAAFK
    • Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 7,2018 4:08 pm || Up

      Bassitt does fit better in the pen, but those other potential starters are so uninspiring. Gossett was terrible, Blackburn was smoke and mirrors and then got hurt, and Cotton is a complete enigma.

      They really should swoop in on some unsigned innings-eater.

  4. Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 7,2018 4:03 pm
    • Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 7,2018 4:36 pm || Up

      What’s something you’ve worked on that should’ve been bigger?

      What the fuck are you talking about? I’ve never had that problem. They were all big.

      • FreeSeatUpgrade FreeSeatUpgrade Feb 7,2018 4:55 pm || Up

        Man, that just keeps on giving. “When you go after Cîroc vodka and Phat Farm and all that shit, God walks out of the room.” “(Brando) was the most charming motherfucker you ever met. He’d fuck anything. Anything! He’d fuck a mailbox.” “The Catholics have a religion based on fear, smoke, and murder.” “(The Beatles) were no-playing motherfuckers. Paul was the worst bass player I ever heard.”

        "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
        • andeux andeux Feb 7,2018 4:59 pm || Up
          TINSTAAFK
  5. Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 7,2018 4:49 pm

    Story in The Athletic about the Athletics trying to get more athletic.

    Some interesting stuff in there about the organization trying to teach more aggressive baserunning in the minors:

    During the fall Instructional League, the A’s had their players take aggressive leads at first base. Whenever a player reached first base, he took at least a 10-foot lead. Lieppman said that the drill not only taught the A’s players how to dive back to the bag, but it also put stress on the opposing team.

    “Creating that sense that we are going to run on every pitch, so the opposing manager has to watch and read our baserunners and has to think that that’s a big lead. Pitchers begin to notice it,” Lieppman said. “They begin to throw more balls because the catcher is worried that they might be running. There’s a whole cumulative effect by just taking a bigger lead. We are really focused on trying to do that and it takes athletic people to even be able to do that.”

    • FreeSeatUpgrade FreeSeatUpgrade Feb 7,2018 4:59 pm || Up

      I’ve wondered whether one could quantify the effect of aggressive runner behavior on pitchers, and turn it to a tactical advantage. One pick-off sure would drop the percentages though.

      "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
      • Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 7,2018 5:12 pm || Up

        It is preferable to our usual baserunning approach, which is to never take an extra base and also get picked off a lot.

  6. ptbnl Feb 7,2018 5:46 pm

    That’s a really unexciting roster.

    If this is His will, He's a son of a bitch.
    • Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 7,2018 6:40 pm || Up

      And still such an improvement over the one we were looking at last February.

      • andeux andeux Feb 7,2018 8:21 pm || Up

        Offense projects to be decent (maybe even good) for the first time since they traded Cespedes.
        On the other side, that’s an awful lot of meh in the rotation.

        TINSTAAFK
    • colin colin Feb 7,2018 8:08 pm || Up

      It has the correct number of Billy Butlers

      • ptbnl Feb 7,2018 8:40 pm || Up

        Minus infinity?

        If this is His will, He's a son of a bitch.
        • andeux andeux Feb 7,2018 9:57 pm || Up

          Must you people put everything on a log scale?

          TINSTAAFK
          • ptbnl Feb 7,2018 10:12 pm || Up

            The Cosmos and Billy Butler is only two things, though technically one of the two is everything.

            If this is His will, He's a son of a bitch.
    • MikeV MikeV Feb 8,2018 8:38 am || Up

      Murderers…

      Wait no.

      Tax Fraud….

      wait no.

      Petty larcen…

      wait no.

      Jaywalkers’ Row.

      And I have to say: mikev is one of my favorite people on here -slusser.

      Thanks, and go As.

    • Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 9,2018 10:57 am || Up

      Tell ’em, Klay

      “They don’t have the sexiest names on the roster, but they always play well as a team. They play hard. It’s always fun going to the Coliseum to watch a ball game. I know there’s a lot up in the air on the future and where they’re going to be, but there’s a lot of history in that Coliseum and A’s baseball.”

  7. Future Ed Future Ed Feb 7,2018 8:44 pm

    That’s a 95 win team.

    I have $5. No I don\'t.
    • 5Aces 5Aces Feb 8,2018 9:10 am || Up

      Since you didn’t define how many seasons it would take I’m inclined to agree with you.

      Camelot sure fell apart, didn't it? -Steve McCatty
      • dmoas Feb 8,2018 9:38 am || Up

        I still think it’s too many under these conditions.

  8. andeux andeux Feb 7,2018 9:58 pm

    Stop the presses.

    TINSTAAFK
    • MikeV MikeV Feb 8,2018 8:39 am || Up

      WE GONNA BE SHAMPIONSHIP.

      And I have to say: mikev is one of my favorite people on here -slusser.

      Thanks, and go As.

      • nevermoor nevermoor Feb 8,2018 9:58 am || Up

        But think of all the draft picks we just lost out on.

        "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
  9. Soaker Soaker Feb 8,2018 7:03 am

    Oh my goodness, look who’s taking on Trump on Russia and DACA. Where’s the “Little Georgie Bush” tweet?

    • dmoas Feb 8,2018 9:41 am || Up

      If he’s smart, he’d go with Curious George Bush.

  10. Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 8,2018 10:58 am

    Treating this as a FKwiz…

    Hudson
    Mulder
    Zito
    Gray
    Cahill
    Blanton
    ?
    ?

    I’m having a hard time thinking of a single starting pitcher the drafted by the A’s who did anything for them in the 90s before Hudson arrived.

    • andeux andeux Feb 8,2018 11:00 am || Up

      Braden?

      TINSTAAFK
    • andeux andeux Feb 8,2018 11:01 am || Up

      Harden?

      TINSTAAFK
    • Future Ed Future Ed Feb 8,2018 12:38 pm || Up

      bonderman?

      I have $5. No I don\'t.
    • Future Ed Future Ed Feb 8,2018 12:40 pm || Up

      misread

      I have $5. No I don\'t.
    • andeux andeux Feb 8,2018 1:22 pm || Up

      TINSTAAFK
      • Future Ed Future Ed Feb 8,2018 1:41 pm || Up

        zeigleer and ross? would not have picked them

        I have $5. No I don\'t.
      • MikeV MikeV Feb 8,2018 2:21 pm || Up

        Doolittle?

        And I have to say: mikev is one of my favorite people on here -slusser.

        Thanks, and go As.

        • colin colin Feb 8,2018 5:46 pm || Up

          Yeah, I just looked and Doolittle accumulated 6.5 WAR in his first five years 2012–2016. Seems like he should be on that list.

  11. AV AV Feb 8,2018 11:35 am

    podcast rec / DM bait.

    investigative journalists explain a scoop they worked. so you get the story — usually not familiar already because mostly from england — plus the excitement/toil in 1st-person POV.

    not bait for anyone. just a landing page that made me chuckle.

    *i’m* AV. alex vause. put this loon in psych before she hurts someone.
    • AV AV Feb 8,2018 12:53 pm || Up

      * GM bait.

      i blame last night’s late dungeons and dragons sesh.

      *i’m* AV. alex vause. put this loon in psych before she hurts someone.
  12. Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 8,2018 2:46 pm

    This Uber trial must be fun to cover.

    • colin colin Feb 8,2018 5:51 pm || Up

      Friend of mine from high school evidently got Levandowski (who was in our class at Tam High) to agree to be interviewed on camera to produce a documentary about this whole business.

      • andeux andeux Feb 9,2018 11:59 am || Up

        They settled today. Too bad, I was enjoying all the dirty laundry coming out.

        TINSTAAFK
  13. Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 8,2018 4:05 pm

    Oh baby, there is curling on the TV right now.

    • dmoas Feb 8,2018 4:22 pm || Up

      Damn it. Why am I not home right now.

    • 5Aces 5Aces Feb 9,2018 8:58 am || Up

      I was at work and tried to stream it. It worked and now I am telling my boss expect an unproductive week or so.

      Camelot sure fell apart, didn't it? -Steve McCatty
      • Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 9,2018 10:29 am || Up

        I can’t get into the mixed doubles. The two-person teams don’t have enough frenetic sweeping for my refined curling tastes.

        • nevermoor nevermoor Feb 9,2018 12:08 pm || Up

          I still don’t understand when “five stones all basically on center” is a dramatically-awful position that can be swiftly cleared and when it is an amazing position that practically guarantees a high scoring end. I found it made watching US-Canada difficult.

          "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
          • dmoas Feb 9,2018 12:34 pm || Up

            Not sure it really guarantees a high score as the odds of an opposing stone to close the gap increases. The real awful part is not having easy control over who would get that score in the end.

          • MikeV MikeV Feb 9,2018 1:13 pm || Up

            ” frameborder=”0″ allow=”autoplay; encrypted-media” allowfullscreen>

            And I have to say: mikev is one of my favorite people on here -slusser.

            Thanks, and go As.

  14. Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 9,2018 3:19 pm

    The NBC app has a dedicated “Olympic Profiles” channel, I guess for when you only want the soft focus crap without the pesky sports.

  15. Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 9,2018 6:35 pm

  16. elcroata elcroata Feb 10,2018 5:43 am

    Just to brag a little – my cousin was the flag bearer for Croatia

    All I can say about stats is… SCOTT BROSIUS!!
    • Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 11,2018 9:41 am || Up

      That’s fantastic!

      What events is he skiiing in?

      • elcroata elcroata Feb 11,2018 10:23 am || Up

        DH, SG & AC

        He is not skiing too well right now, as he is still struggling to find his form after losing a year due to knee injury. But still, he has already made his fourth Olympics!

        All I can say about stats is… SCOTT BROSIUS!!
        • Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 11,2018 10:38 am || Up

          “Croatians are so dedicated to this sport because skiing down hills is the only way to get to and from school there, and they have to go fast to escape the bears that are always chasing them.”

          /Katie Couric voice

          • nevermoor nevermoor Feb 12,2018 1:47 pm || Up

            That was soooooo bizarre.

            "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
            • dmoas Feb 12,2018 1:58 pm || Up

              Wait. Someone actually said that?

              • nevermoor nevermoor Feb 12,2018 2:42 pm || Up

                Basically, except about Netherlands / Skating / frozen waterways

                "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
              • ptbnl Feb 12,2018 4:33 pm || Up

                Betsy DeVos

                If this is His will, He's a son of a bitch.
          • elcroata elcroata Feb 13,2018 10:17 pm || Up

            She probably would have said that if she only knew what Croatia is

            All I can say about stats is… SCOTT BROSIUS!!
        • Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 12,2018 11:42 am || Up

          The wind situation seems pretty dicey up in those mountains. I hope conditions are safe when they are finally able to go.

  17. Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 11,2018 9:38 am

    “Skating is an important mode of transportation in a city like Amsterdam…”

    • andeux andeux Feb 11,2018 9:48 am || Up

      When I visited the Netherlands in January 1997 everyone there was excited about the Elfstedentocht, so I’m going to rate this one was partially true.

      TINSTAAFK
    • andeux andeux Mar 2,2018 10:26 am || Up
      TINSTAAFK
  18. Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 11,2018 4:44 pm

    Ross Douthat is so weird.

    I lost count of the number of unsupported assertions in this column, but I was still hoping that when I got to the end of it he would actually propose a (Constitutional) solution to the problem he thinks we have. But nope.

    Basically, he is just pro-sexual repression and would appreciate it if someone else would work out the details for him.

  19. Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 11,2018 5:12 pm

    Am I imagining it, or have the scoring rules for figure skating changed at every Olympics since like 1988?

  20. Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 11,2018 5:52 pm

    The “Olympic Athletes From Russia” thing is hilariously cumbersome. Their plain white jackets with those words awkwardly written in a circle makes it art.

    • 5Aces 5Aces Feb 12,2018 9:32 am || Up

      I didnt think it was a terrible idea at the time, but it is just awful. Every time they just say “the Russians”. And clearly Russia will claim all of these medals. So what exactly does this “punishment” do?

      Camelot sure fell apart, didn't it? -Steve McCatty
      • Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 12,2018 10:03 am || Up

        They even get to compete in the team sports! It is so stupid.

        • AV AV Feb 12,2018 10:13 am || Up

          it only works if the medal count stays meager. puts russia in a position to claim the few they get and admit that they rank lower than, say, japan. and doesn’t let them say coulda/woulda been #1 again if only the mean IOC hadn’t been so mean.

          *i’m* AV. alex vause. put this loon in psych before she hurts someone.
    • Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 12,2018 2:16 pm || Up

      The Russian curlers look pretty badass in all black though.

    • elcroata elcroata Feb 13,2018 10:19 pm || Up

      It’s the nicest attire they ever wore

      All I can say about stats is… SCOTT BROSIUS!!
  21. batgirl batgirl Feb 12,2018 7:51 am
    • AV AV Feb 12,2018 10:01 am || Up

      prolly just a translation error. thought he was asking for tips on his fast ball delivery, got delivered a speedball.

      *i’m* AV. alex vause. put this loon in psych before she hurts someone.
    • Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 12,2018 11:35 am || Up

      That seems like a lot of drugs.

    • Future Ed Future Ed Feb 12,2018 3:24 pm || Up

      los hermanos Loizia do not approve of drugs

      I have $5. No I don\'t.
      • AV AV Feb 12,2018 3:33 pm || Up

        neither do i.

        but it’s my birthday.

        *i’m* AV. alex vause. put this loon in psych before she hurts someone.
  22. Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 12,2018 9:01 pm
    • Future Ed Future Ed Feb 12,2018 9:46 pm || Up

      there is no aspect of government where they won’t try to enrich their friends

      I have $5. No I don\'t.
      • Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 13,2018 7:34 am || Up

        I think the grifting potential may be just a side benefit here. The primary goal is making life harder for the poor.

  23. Soaker Soaker Feb 13,2018 8:46 am

    Ed’s second-favorite radio play-by-play broadcaster retires.

    Sportsnet’s Jerry Howarth has announced his retirement, closing out a remarkable 36-year career as the radio broadcaster of the Toronto Blue Jays….

    “I had every intention of continuing my career into the 2018 season but my health and stamina and continuing voice issues dictated otherwise,” said Howarth.

    • Future Ed Future Ed Feb 13,2018 10:01 am || Up

      say it ain’t so!

      I have $5. No I don\'t.
      • dmoas Feb 13,2018 10:20 am || Up

        It ain’t so.

      • Soaker Soaker Feb 13,2018 10:48 am || Up

        Surely Vince Cotroneo deserves a shot as a lead broadcaster after all these years as second banana. They would have to pry him away from the A’s, but Vince, you ought to send them some tapes. Wait, don’t send tapes, just let your outstanding resume speak for itself.

  24. andeux andeux Feb 13,2018 10:02 am

    TINSTAAFK
    • Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 13,2018 10:17 am || Up

      Mark Davis is preparing a bid for those right now.

  25. Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 13,2018 10:25 am

    Class action lawsuit waiting to happen right here

    If you click “learn more” to find out about the cryptocurrency mining, your computer immediately begins working for Salon before anyone can knowledgeably opt-in.

  26. Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 13,2018 10:30 am

    “If healthy” season is upon us

    • doctorK doctorK Feb 13,2018 11:13 am || Up

      Just waiting now for someone to show up in camp “in the best shape of my life”.

      • Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 13,2018 11:16 am || Up

    • ptbnl Feb 13,2018 12:28 pm || Up

      And yet still “in the best shape of his life”.

      If this is His will, He's a son of a bitch.
  27. Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 13,2018 1:13 pm

    Let’s see how long this lasts.

    • Future Ed Future Ed Feb 13,2018 2:11 pm || Up

      so, no roster benefit to Otani?

      I have $5. No I don\'t.
  28. FreeSeatUpgrade FreeSeatUpgrade Feb 13,2018 3:11 pm
    "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
    • Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 14,2018 11:25 am || Up

      Derek Norris, needs to stfu

    • Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 14,2018 2:57 pm || Up

  29. AV AV Feb 13,2018 5:19 pm

    thanks wetransfer for the fun surprise artwork (it made me smile through the 15-minutes-past-deadline feeling).

    https://wepresent.wetransfer.com/story/martin-gordopelota/

    *i’m* AV. alex vause. put this loon in psych before she hurts someone.
  30. ptbnl Feb 13,2018 7:11 pm

    The men’s halfpipe is mind-boggling (though yesterday’s qualifiers were better than tonight’s finals), but if you’re going to take the proffered flag and drape it round your shoulders for photos, Shawn, exiting trailing it behind you like Schroeder’s blanket is not a good look.

    If this is His will, He's a son of a bitch.
  31. Bed Bed Feb 13,2018 10:05 pm

    Has anyone seen my keys?

    But seriously, folks...
  32. Bed Bed Feb 13,2018 10:11 pm

    You’ll have to excuse me I’m a little behind on the A’s off-season plans. Did they at least re-sign Ozzie Canseco?

    But seriously, folks...
    • ptbnl Feb 13,2018 10:16 pm || Up

      Ozzie Nelson and Connie Francis, which is close.

      If this is His will, He's a son of a bitch.
      • Bed Bed Feb 13,2018 10:34 pm || Up

        Connie Francis was no Connie Selleca.

        But seriously, folks...
        • ptbnl Feb 13,2018 10:37 pm || Up

          Connie Selleca was no Clemenza & Sollozzo

          If this is His will, He's a son of a bitch.
          • FreeSeatUpgrade FreeSeatUpgrade Feb 13,2018 10:41 pm || Up

            Roberto Clemenza, so young, gifted, and selfless. Tragic.

            "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
  33. Bed Bed Feb 13,2018 10:12 pm

    Has anyone listened to Alicia Keys?

    But seriously, folks...
  34. Bed Bed Feb 13,2018 10:16 pm

    You’ll have to excuse me I’m a little behind on the White House’s budget plan. Did they at least consult Ozzie Canseco?

    But seriously, folks...
  35. Bed Bed Feb 13,2018 10:16 pm

    Has anyone voted for Alan Keyes?

    But seriously, folks...
    • Future Ed Future Ed Feb 14,2018 2:38 pm || Up

      came for the alan keyes reference, was not disappointed

      I have $5. No I don\'t.
  36. Bed Bed Feb 13,2018 10:22 pm

    Speaking of Ozzie Canseco and losing my keys…I ate some banana bread for lunch today.

    But seriously, folks...
    • FreeSeatUpgrade FreeSeatUpgrade Feb 13,2018 10:29 pm || Up

      You’re an Iron Man

      "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
      • Bed Bed Feb 13,2018 10:32 pm || Up

        Morton Downey Jr. is so good in that role.

        But seriously, folks...
        • 5Aces 5Aces Feb 14,2018 10:09 am || Up

          I had a year or so where I loved the Morton Downey Jr show. Then I turned 14.

          If you dont like my butts then kiss my ASH!!!

          Camelot sure fell apart, didn't it? -Steve McCatty
  37. Bed Bed Feb 13,2018 10:30 pm

    Don’t worry…I’ll be breaking down the A’s roster, and their chances of making it back to the World Series in 1990. A quick preview I like Ozzie to be the better of the Canseco brothers.

    But seriously, folks...
    • Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 14,2018 2:48 pm || Up

      I like Felix Jose to be the better of the Jose brothers.

  38. ptbnl Feb 13,2018 10:33 pm

    I am the very model of a New York Times contrarian,
    My intellect is polished but my soul’s authoritarian,
    From Allen down to Exxon, bullies’ water I am carrying,
    Except for Donald Trump’s, because I find him a vulgarian.
    I’m very well acquainted, too, with arguments political,
    I love to mount defenses for the vile and hypocritical,
    I filigree each sentence till its meaning I am burying,
    My job is to distract you from the rising smell of carrion.

    My eagerness to stand up for the powerful is frightening,
    I’m always showing up when a sepulcher needs some whitening,
    In short, with polished intellect and soul authoritarian,
    I am the very model of a New York Times contrarian!

    There’s nothing that I relish more than playing Devil’s advocate,
    My beat is moral virtue comma complete, total lack of it,
    I’ll only call you “victim” if it’s clear that you’re a predator,
    I’m lucky to have landed with a sympathetic editor.
    Hate-reading makes my columns all go viral like canarypox,
    Present me with the truth and I will turn it to a paradox,
    I’ll spew undoubted bullshit till you’ll swear that it’s veracity,
    Sometimes vocabulary gets confused for perspicacity.

    Matthew Dessem/Slate

    If this is His will, He's a son of a bitch.
  39. FreeSeatUpgrade FreeSeatUpgrade Feb 13,2018 10:34 pm

    Clever!

    "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
  40. Bed Bed Feb 13,2018 10:36 pm

    I’m excited to announce my new favorite NFL team is the Orlando Breakers.

    But seriously, folks...
    • 5Aces 5Aces Feb 14,2018 10:11 am || Up

      We are now rivals in leagues and FL cites.

      Tampa Bay Bandits forever!

      Camelot sure fell apart, didn't it? -Steve McCatty
  41. FreeSeatUpgrade FreeSeatUpgrade Feb 13,2018 10:36 pm

    You can keep your Fakeys and McTwists, I’ll take the Hog Line and the Button and the House. Most especially when called by the delightful Scottish women’s curling commentator.

    "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
  42. andeux andeux Feb 13,2018 10:36 pm

    Key

    TINSTAAFK
  43. Bed Bed Feb 13,2018 10:40 pm

    …and andeux wins the… it’s called a grill,right?

    But seriously, folks...
  44. Bed Bed Feb 13,2018 10:42 pm

    I’m actually excited about the upcoming A’s season primarily due to my Fosse fetish.

    But seriously, folks...
  45. Bed Bed Feb 13,2018 10:47 pm

    I took a quick glance at all the posts since I was last here…it looks like you folks still need me to explain VORP.

    But seriously, folks...
  46. Bed Bed Feb 13,2018 10:51 pm

    I took a look at the names of the A’s players in the post…only about half of them seemed made up to me.

    But seriously, folks...
    • Future Ed Future Ed Feb 14,2018 2:41 pm || Up

      they other half are named “Matt”

      I have $5. No I don\'t.
  47. Bed Bed Feb 13,2018 10:52 pm

    Never forget…Jimmy Key died so you could post in this thread.

    But seriously, folks...
  48. Bed Bed Feb 13,2018 10:54 pm

    Alright…I love you all. Say hello to your mother for me.

    But seriously, folks...
  49. Future Ed Future Ed Feb 13,2018 11:38 pm

    I have $5. No I don\'t.
  50. Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 14,2018 8:36 am

    Interesting

    • FreeSeatUpgrade FreeSeatUpgrade Feb 14,2018 9:29 am || Up

      The A’s starters will be an ensemble cast.

      Looks like Montas almost exclusively started before 2016.

      "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
      • Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 14,2018 12:50 pm || Up

        For some reason I think he could be more effective starting, where he can’t just try to throw it 100 mph past every hitter. It would help if he could develop a decent changeup though.

    • Future Ed Future Ed Feb 14,2018 2:42 pm || Up

      to start what?

      I have $5. No I don\'t.
  51. Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 14,2018 12:19 pm

    lol

  52. Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 14,2018 2:35 pm

    “Danny” Coulombe

    • Future Ed Future Ed Feb 14,2018 2:47 pm || Up

      because casilla is no longer with the team?

      I have $5. No I don\'t.
  53. doctorK doctorK Feb 14,2018 4:03 pm

    There’s nothing like tuning into 95.7 The Lame – the A’s flagship station – to hear Greg Papa go on and on about the Gnats. Hearing him call call Ron Wotus “Woti” just about made me want to lose my lunch.

    • Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 15,2018 11:21 am || Up

      Wait, they stopped talking about Jimmy Garoppolo?

      • Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 23,2018 12:30 pm || Up

        I caught a bit of the A’s/Raiders flagship station this morning and they were discussing — I kid you not — who will get the bigger contract, Garoppolo or Bumgarner.

        • Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 27,2018 1:16 pm || Up

          This morning the topic was “will Giants fans still love Timmy if he signs with the Dodgers.”

          • doctorK doctorK Feb 27,2018 1:30 pm || Up

            He picked a different blue.

    • Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 19,2018 10:42 am || Up

      I listened for about 30 minutes yesterday. Long monologue by the host about what a great offseason the Giants have had, followed by a segment with Jon Morosi about what a great offseason the Giants have had. Not one indication that the A’s exist.

      • Future Ed Future Ed Feb 19,2018 11:25 am || Up

        lONGORIA AND mCcUTCHEN IS A GREAT OFF SEASON?

        I have $5. No I don\'t.
        • MikeV MikeV Feb 19,2018 12:19 pm || Up

          Yes. In, like, 2013.

          And I have to say: mikev is one of my favorite people on here -slusser.

          Thanks, and go As.

  54. FreeSeatUpgrade FreeSeatUpgrade Feb 14,2018 7:54 pm

    It’s a bit sobering that the late and current “oldest living A’s” are guys I watched play.

    "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
    • Future Ed Future Ed Feb 14,2018 8:57 pm || Up

      I always think I remember tito francona, but I actually remember tito fuentes.

      I have $5. No I don\'t.
      • 5Aces 5Aces Feb 15,2018 9:14 am || Up

        And when you think of Tito Fuentes I think of Tito Puentes.

        Camelot sure fell apart, didn't it? -Steve McCatty
        • AV AV Feb 15,2018 11:17 am || Up

          tito’s tito’s everywhere, nor any greyhound to drink.

          *i’m* AV. alex vause. put this loon in psych before she hurts someone.
  55. AV AV Feb 15,2018 9:00 am
    *i’m* AV. alex vause. put this loon in psych before she hurts someone.
    • Future Ed Future Ed Feb 15,2018 11:28 am || Up

      that link didn’t tell me where the library was AT ALL

      I have $5. No I don\'t.
      • AV AV Feb 15,2018 2:33 pm || Up

        here you go. map to your nearest default-password vulnerable device. i’m assuming the library has a couple at least.

        *i’m* AV. alex vause. put this loon in psych before she hurts someone.
  56. Future Ed Future Ed Feb 15,2018 12:47 pm

    I have $5. No I don\'t.
  57. Future Ed Future Ed Feb 15,2018 1:29 pm

    I have $5. No I don\'t.
  58. Future Ed Future Ed Feb 15,2018 1:32 pm

    tammy is getting obliterated on the twitters. Although the word obliterated implies she understands and will be actually destroyed.

    I have $5. No I don\'t.
  59. FreeSeatUpgrade FreeSeatUpgrade Feb 15,2018 3:37 pm

    Today I learned that no matter how much fun it sounds like, you really don’t want a Queen For A Day interview.

    "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
  60. Soaker Soaker Feb 15,2018 5:24 pm

    The Hawaiian Goddess of Crappy Weather, Rainarainalotta, has obviously been eagerly awaiting the start of my Maui beach vacation for some time.

    • FreeSeatUpgrade FreeSeatUpgrade Feb 15,2018 6:52 pm || Up

      Maybe curl up with a dear friend.

      (h/t EBX with some otherwise bogus opinions)

      "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
      • Soaker Soaker Feb 18,2018 9:36 am || Up

        This looks like the fourth straight day of dreary gray with rain on and off. I have been here several times in February and there can be a lousy afternoon or 24-hour period but then it clears out, so this is quite surprising. It’s not a place where there are a lot of alternate indoor activities, and Chaminade’s home court is in Honolulu, not Lahaina.

        • Soaker Soaker Feb 25,2018 11:00 am || Up

          I’m getting on the plane in a few hours having compiled a Sunny Days batting average of .200 (2/10). Don’t think I’ve ever hit under .600 before. Cloudy days are still fine at the beach if it’s not raining but there was way more rain than I’ve ever seen. Kihei, on the leeward side of Haleakala, usually looks rather desert-like; I’m leaving it nice and green this time.

          • FreeSeatUpgrade FreeSeatUpgrade Feb 25,2018 11:31 am || Up

            A hui hou.

            "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
          • doctorK doctorK Feb 26,2018 9:28 pm || Up

            Lots of Kona weather – ugh.

  61. Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 16,2018 6:57 am

    USA skeletoner’s dad rocking an A’s cap trackside.

    • AV AV Feb 16,2018 10:00 am || Up

      ruby ridge, y’all.

      *i’m* AV. alex vause. put this loon in psych before she hurts someone.
  62. Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 16,2018 9:32 am

    Hooray for him going to the other league.

    • colin colin Feb 16,2018 10:18 am || Up

      He’s going to fail the physical, hit the DL, then come back just to throw shutouts against Oakland

  63. FreeSeatUpgrade FreeSeatUpgrade Feb 16,2018 1:35 pm

    Puk throws, Melvin watches, dubs him “The Little Unit.” I might’ve made up that last part.
    https://www.sfchronicle.com/athletics/article/A-tall-order-A-s-prospect-A-J-Puk-compared-to-12616792.php

    "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
  64. Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 16,2018 8:17 pm

    NBC just FKed up coverage of the Women’s Super G so bad.

    They declared the Austrian defending champ the gold medalist because all of the supposed contenders had gone, and then they went to a long commercial break. They came back, and had to sheepishly show a replay of a Czech skiier who came out of nowhere to dramatically beat the Austrian’s time.

    • MikeV MikeV Feb 16,2018 8:34 pm || Up

      There weren’t any Americans so who cares amirite NBC

      And I have to say: mikev is one of my favorite people on here -slusser.

      Thanks, and go As.

      • Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 17,2018 9:06 am || Up

        They lost interest two skiers in when it was clear Lindsey Vonn wouldn’t medal.

        • FreeSeatUpgrade FreeSeatUpgrade Feb 17,2018 10:53 am || Up

          I’ve watched a lot more via stream this year, great both for seeing the full competition and for a less partisan production. The complete men’s snowboardcross was a lot of fun, while the women’s I watched on NBC was tightly edited and basically the Lindsay Jacobellis show.

          "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
    • elcroata elcroata Feb 17,2018 2:53 am || Up

      Funny thing, the girl who won is actually a snowboarder who was racing on borrowed skis

      All I can say about stats is… SCOTT BROSIUS!!
      • ptbnl Feb 17,2018 7:49 am || Up

        Mikaela Shiffrin’s skis finally make the podium …

        If this is His will, He's a son of a bitch.
  65. FreeSeatUpgrade FreeSeatUpgrade Feb 17,2018 10:47 am

    Our new prospect Jesus Luzardo is a recent grad of Douglas High in Parkland, mourns the AD just killed there. Damn our craven fucking Congress.

    "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
  66. FreeSeatUpgrade FreeSeatUpgrade Feb 17,2018 10:49 am
    "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
    • 5Aces 5Aces Feb 19,2018 9:56 am || Up

      Clearly not BSOHL.

      Camelot sure fell apart, didn't it? -Steve McCatty
  67. Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 18,2018 9:06 am

    Come on Rochdale

    • Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 18,2018 11:10 am || Up

      And I turned it off in frustration before the miracle equalizer….

  68. Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 18,2018 2:44 pm
  69. doctorK doctorK Feb 19,2018 10:03 am

    Looks like a picked a good year to ignore the NBA all-star game.

  70. Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 19,2018 10:32 am

  71. Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 19,2018 10:38 am
    • Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 19,2018 10:49 am || Up

      Attn: dmoas

      1. Time of Break. The timer will count down from 2:05 for breaks in locally televised championship season games, from 2:25 for breaks in nationally televised championship season games, and from 2:55 for tie-breaker and postseason games as follows:

      • dmoas Feb 19,2018 10:55 am || Up

        Good step, but needs to be shorter for local games. At least 30 more seconds, preferably a minute.

    • Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 19,2018 11:04 am || Up

      The mound visit stuff is going to be awkward. No more than six total “mound visits” (with one extra granted for each extra inning) that don’t result in a pitching change, with “mound visits” defined to include any time a player leaves his normal position to go to the mound except when a player needs to use the spike cleaning thing, or when the home plate umpire agrees that the pitcher and catcher need to discuss a cross up.

      • dmoas Feb 19,2018 12:02 pm || Up

        I don’t like it, but if they do it, it should be limited to coach’s visits only.

      • Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 20,2018 1:44 pm || Up

        • dmoas Feb 20,2018 5:06 pm || Up

          I don’t think they’ve thought this one out.

  72. Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 19,2018 11:08 am

    I have come to the conclusion that simultaneous-start cross country and biathalon races are easily the best/most exciting winter olympic events. It is not even close imo. Also, the Norwegians are goddamn super-human monsters.

    The worst/least exciting I am going to say is when the skiers do the half pipe. God that is boring.

    • Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 19,2018 12:32 pm || Up

      Ahahaha

    • FreeSeatUpgrade FreeSeatUpgrade Feb 19,2018 9:37 pm || Up

      The mass start biathalon finish yesterday was nuts!

      I’ve decided that every snow trick event is minimum 10x better on snowboards than skis.

      "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
      • nevermoor nevermoor Feb 20,2018 9:44 am || Up

        I’m finding most of the trick stuff very boring. In contrast to the actual, you know, races.

        That said, the skiiers need to find a way to make their events more compelling. 1 run each from 50 people makes for bad TV.

        "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
        • Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 21,2018 5:06 pm || Up

          Relays!

          Skier one goes down the mountain, hands poles to skier 2, who gets on the chair lift…

        • Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 23,2018 7:18 pm || Up

          There is some kind of side-by-side giant slalom team match race thing going on right now.

          • FreeSeatUpgrade FreeSeatUpgrade Feb 23,2018 8:23 pm || Up

            Kinda cool format, mixed gender squads in a set of duels.

            "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
            • nevermoor nevermoor Feb 26,2018 3:46 pm || Up

              Yes, I really enjoyed those.

              Especially since the first time I saw the two-hand punch technique I thought “how do you not get clotheslined trying that” then some French guy got clotheslined trying that.

              "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
              • FreeSeatUpgrade FreeSeatUpgrade Feb 26,2018 6:28 pm || Up

                BTW just because, one of the contestants on this season of Top Chef kinda looks like you.

                "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
                • andeux andeux Feb 26,2018 7:07 pm || Up

                  Big Joe! I said the same thing! (pre-diet nm, at least)

                  TINSTAAFK
                • nevermoor nevermoor Feb 28,2018 2:26 pm || Up

                  Interesting. I guess I’ll have to check it out.

                  "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
      • Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 20,2018 1:43 pm || Up

        It took three Germans working together to keep the Norwegians off the podium in the Nordic Combined.

      • Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 20,2018 2:18 pm || Up

        The penalty loop (or, as my kids have taken to calling it, the “lap of shame”) when you miss a shot is a phenomenal thing.

        • dmoas Feb 20,2018 5:08 pm || Up

          Baseball needs a lap of shame for every 4 pitch walk.

      • batgirl batgirl Feb 21,2018 5:09 pm || Up

        For some reason I love the slopestyle. I think it’s the backwards skiing.

    • Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 21,2018 5:49 pm || Up

      That women’s x-country relay was spectacular.

      • nevermoor nevermoor Feb 26,2018 3:47 pm || Up

        Moment of the Olympics for me.

        "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
    • Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 21,2018 7:42 pm || Up

      A couple of really nasty falls tonight in the halfpipe. I guess that’s a form of excitement.

  73. Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 19,2018 9:10 pm

    I don’t know who any of these hockey players are but I’m into it.

  74. FreeSeatUpgrade FreeSeatUpgrade Feb 19,2018 9:34 pm

    USA women curling team playing top ranked Korea right now in what almost a must win for our medal round hopes.

    "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
    • FreeSeatUpgrade FreeSeatUpgrade Feb 19,2018 10:40 pm || Up

      Ouch, yielded a devastating 4 point steal in the 5th End, even with the hammer.

      "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
      • Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 20,2018 11:14 am || Up

        The Korean curler with the big round glasses is cool as hell.

  75. AV AV Feb 20,2018 10:07 am
    *i’m* AV. alex vause. put this loon in psych before she hurts someone.
    • andeux andeux Feb 20,2018 10:17 am || Up

      trump.dating is based on his highly radioactive tweets, which have a half life of about an hour.

      TINSTAAFK
    • andeux andeux Feb 20,2018 10:20 am || Up
      TINSTAAFK
      • AV AV Feb 20,2018 11:02 am || Up

        i wouldn’t have heard about it if it wasn’t for that bit of facepalm.

        *i’m* AV. alex vause. put this loon in psych before she hurts someone.
  76. Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 20,2018 1:41 pm

  77. Glorious Mundy Glorious Mundy Feb 20,2018 5:45 pm

    Short-track speed skating relays are delightfully stupid.

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