Bartololess “Braves” ← FREE KRAUT!

Bartololess “Braves” 46

30 Jun 2017  |  Future Ed  |Game Thread

Foltynwitz v Gray
Dickey v Blackburn (who?)
Teheran v Manaea

I hear the braves have matt kemp? maybe dale murphy? um… Uh. Juan uribe? Gary sheffeld?

have no idea

46 thoughts on “Bartololess “Braves””

  1. Future Ed Jun 30,2017 7:15 pm

    that s the kind of inning that gets you A prospects

    I have $5. No I don\'t.
  2. Future Ed Jun 30,2017 7:21 pm

    Dansby swanson, Ive heard of him

    I have $5. No I don\'t.
  3. Future Ed Jun 30,2017 8:06 pm

    guys! perfect game alert

    I have $5. No I don\'t.
    • andeux Jun 30,2017 8:30 pm || Up

      You’re not going to say anything about the no-hitter?

      TINSTAAFK
  4. Future Ed Jun 30,2017 8:43 pm

    no htter through 5

    I have $5. No I don\'t.
  5. Future Ed Jun 30,2017 8:48 pm

    looked good to me, jed

    I have $5. No I don\'t.
  6. Future Ed Jun 30,2017 9:07 pm

    sonny looked good tonight

    I have $5. No I don\'t.
  7. Future Ed Jun 30,2017 9:14 pm

    do you let the kdd throw 130 pitches?

    I have $5. No I don\'t.
  8. Future Ed Jun 30,2017 9:17 pm

    ths is a good game

    I have $5. No I don\'t.
  9. Soaker Jun 30,2017 9:22 pm

    Paging Shannon Stewart…Shannon Stewart…report to the third base dugout please.

    What I discovered Blew. My. Mind. -- Pat Boone
  10. Soaker Jun 30,2017 9:38 pm

    batgirl would have to remember F-O-L-T-Y-N-E-W-I-C-Z for the rest of her life. Mine are W-A-R-R-E-N and R-Y-A-N, not nearly so tough.

    What I discovered Blew. My. Mind. -- Pat Boone
    • Soaker Jun 30,2017 9:43 pm || Up

      batgirl no longer has a chance to win the National Spelling Bee.

      What I discovered Blew. My. Mind. -- Pat Boone
    • batgirl Jul 1,2017 10:19 am || Up

      1. I thought the exact same thing “I need to figure out how to pronounce this guy’s name.”

      2. For a potential no-hitter, the atmosphere in the coliseum was about as far from electric as you could possibly imagine. It was such a blah game, there was zero tension. It was downright weird. A few Braves fans were pretty excited, including a drunk moron behind us. His poor 4 year old daughter having to sit next to this screaming doofus. They finally sent security down to sit in front of him to quiet things down.

      3. Game of Thrones night was a real letdown. They didn’t do anything except superimpose players heads on character’s bodies on the jumbotron when they came up to bat. The poor players who drew the short straw with having to represent the Unsullied. They did all the Braves as white walkers. I didn’t think Kit Harrington would throw out the first pitch or anything, but it was pretty lame.

      4. And Brugman is no longer using You’re the Best. Boooooo! I am enjoying whoever is using No Diggity, however. I can’t remember.

      • Glorious Mundy Jul 2,2017 4:33 pm || Up

        No Diggity is Healy as I recall

      • FreeSeatUpgrade Jul 6,2017 5:49 pm || Up

        Damn, being made to be Unsullied is cold.

        "Kraut will get you through times of no money better than money will get you through times of no kraut."
  11. andeux Jun 30,2017 9:43 pm

    Moral victory

    TINSTAAFK
    • Future Ed Jul 1,2017 1:43 pm || Up

      ths is good news too,

      I have $5. No I don\'t.
  12. Future Ed Jun 30,2017 9:46 pm

    good news! jim johnson is in!

    I have $5. No I don\'t.
  13. andeux Jun 30,2017 9:52 pm

    Sv: Johnson. Moral defeat.

    TINSTAAFK
  14. Future Ed Jun 30,2017 11:13 pm

    and I liked the standing ovation for foltynewicz as he came off the field

    I have $5. No I don\'t.
  15. Future Ed Jul 1,2017 8:30 am
    I have $5. No I don\'t.
  16. harensheir15 Jul 1,2017 9:14 am

    AV, this is for you. (Shared with permission of the author)

    so i have this sort of fantastical vision. yes, here i am at 4 am on a tuesday, alternating my musical playlist from bootlegs of The Doors to Prince’s Sign O’ The Times, thinking about the ridiculously impossible and sending it to you because there’s no windows on here to slide it through. There’s cheese in here, but what else can i offer, on such little sleep, an upset stomach and a piss poor mood?

    Saturday, we find ourselves in a record store with an assortment worthy of the library of congress. As I briskly go through every single vinyl casing, learning the entire history of this enhanced polymer just by touch, I come across the L section. Exponentially intrigued, my focus tunnels into this glorious section of the alphabetized collection. Up and down the rows, i attempt to find a diamond in the rough, somewhere lost between Lead Belly: Last Sessions and Lena Horne’s Lonely and Alive. Alas, upon the shelf, above the crates, placed in plain site perhaps by a vengeful god, or more likely an employee trying to advertise something he knows nothing about; is Led Zeppelin Live at Gonzaga University 1968. The very first bootleg, their earliest performance ever recorded. My vision darkens. My instincts scream. I ever so slowly stretch out my hand, out of fear of flying too close to the sun. Despite the obdurate emotion, my fingers near the impossible album. Fixated on the goofy, scattered font of GONZAGA, i anticipate the feeling of the aged, rough cardboard cover. Instead, i feel something warm. Smooth and graceful, but it strikes me like the fury of a Norse God. My sight clears of the unconscious fog and i see i have come in contact with another hand. Another who has reached out for the Holy Grail of rock and roll bootlegs. I look to see who this thief is, interrupting my moment before the pantheon of music. I turn to see that the intruder is a woman. A fresh flower adorned in her hair, she sways toward me. Per chance i am seeing the ghost of a long gone Summer of Love 1967 participant? No, she is real. Her eyes clear of the bootleg’s hypnosis and we examine each other. Our hands still on the record, i see she wears a tattered t-shirt, which says “Hello, I Love You,”
    Love at first Zeppelin.

    • AV Jul 1,2017 9:46 am || Up

      yeah, sigh, i want all of that.

      *i’m* AV. alex vause. put this loon in psych before she hurts someone.
  17. Future Ed Jul 1,2017 1:12 pm

    justin duchscherer on the mound today

    I have $5. No I don\'t.
  18. Future Ed Jul 1,2017 1:23 pm

    raijai got on base!

    I have $5. No I don\'t.
  19. Future Ed Jul 1,2017 1:31 pm

    Barreto will not remain on the 25 with lowrie and semien

    I have $5. No I don\'t.
    • andeux Jul 1,2017 5:22 pm || Up

      Brutal day in the field.
      Yeah, probably helps make that decision easier.

      TINSTAAFK
  20. Future Ed Jul 1,2017 4:54 pm

    this seems like a pretty 2017 game

    I have $5. No I don\'t.
  21. ptbnl Jul 2,2017 3:22 pm

    Is this broken?

    If this is His will, He's a son of a bitch.
  22. ptbnl Jul 2,2017 3:24 pm

    Damn … being pinch-hit for by Rajwhy is pretty insulting.

    If this is His will, He's a son of a bitch.
  23. Glorious Mundy Jul 2,2017 4:46 pm

    Come on Jim Johnson. For old times’ sake.

  24. ptbnl Jul 2,2017 4:48 pm

    Fking bunting against a fking pitcher who has just thrown 8 fking balls out of 10. Aaaarrgghhhhh.

    If this is His will, He's a son of a bitch.
  25. lenscrafters Jul 2,2017 4:49 pm

    Not sure what was more pathetic, the bunt call or the bunt attempt

  26. Glorious Mundy Jul 2,2017 4:49 pm

    Strike out on a “missed bunt”? Is gameday FKing with me?

  27. andeux Jul 2,2017 4:49 pm

    Can’t really blame Barreto for not being able to get the bunt down on the two pitches that were outside but called strikes. But WTF was he then trying to bunt with two strikes?

    TINSTAAFK
  28. andeux Jul 2,2017 4:51 pm

    Uh, Glen?

    TINSTAAFK
  29. lenscrafters Jul 2,2017 4:51 pm

    LOL GLEN

    • Future Ed Jul 2,2017 9:09 pm || Up

      that was funny. also, what hapopend to alanso?

      I have $5. No I don\'t.
  31. andeux Jul 2,2017 5:18 pm

    pfft

    TINSTAAFK
  32. doctorK Jul 2,2017 8:55 pm

    The A’s can’t DFA Rosales fast enough for me.

  33. Future Ed Jul 3,2017 4:33 pm

    I have $5. No I don\'t.

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