Sometimes you lounge, sometimes you don’t, sometimes it rains.
233 thoughts on “The Lounge where it’s all gonna work out fine.”
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Sometimes you lounge, sometimes you don’t, sometimes it rains.
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For me it was rain…but that rain allows me to be here lounging.
I don’t know about you but I get all my NFL news from the police blotter now…it just saves time.
I read somewhere last week that the NFL team with the most arrests in the last three years is the Niners.
Stay tuned for my two hour power point presentation about ancient Mesopotamia.
Meh. I’ll settle for the Cliff Notes,
or the B52’s album.
Your loss…my section on how they created the concept of zero won several Emmy Awards.
Yeah, that part is kinda badass.
Give me one hour, a time machine, a Commodore 64, Michael Faraday, Albert Einstein, and Brahmagupta, and we’ll solve the remaining mysteries of the universe with time to spare. Actually they’ll do most of the work; I’ll run the Commodore 64.
I offer up my services as ship’s cook. I’ll bring Eggos and Legos.
Well deserved, but I thought all the hardcore sex would have scared off the Emmy voters.
well?
Dim the lights and I’ll turn on the overhead projector.
you know you don’t use those anymore, right?
What? But I got my major in overhead projector repairs.
In my trial this week, I have been taking over the prosecutor’s overhead which projects onto a tv.
its neat
As I’ve said before I’d love to watch one of your trials. It’s a fascinating process.
its not really that exciting
We could always drum up a jury nullification movement to protest the prison industrial complex.
That oughta make things interesting…
Tastes better…Eggos or Legos?
which would you rather step on?
First four posts and three of them have ellipses…not sure what I was thinking with the third post?
Channeling me… most likely.
For those keeping score at home…it’s official, Bud Selig says this lounge is groove approved.
Bud Selig couldn’t find a groove with a record needle.
pfft…I guess you didn’t see Bud on Dance Fever back in 1979.
Back in those days, I only watched commercials.
Back in those days my favorite show was The Dukes Of Hazzard…still is.
Wonder Woman and Mork and Mindy came on at 4 and 5 on Channel 40, and they were the two main influences of my young childhood.
I still to this day love tan pantyhose, bondage, feminism, and frenetic comedy, and I’m not completely debased of the idea that I’m actually an alien, either.
Seeing Linda Carter in that outfit invoked certain new feelings in young Brian.
Me too. I wanted to BE her.
I guess I’m weird…I prefer my revenge be served warm.
Go tepid or go home.
Speaking of Eggos…I bought a new sports jacket today.
I know what you’re thinking…yes, it’s a navy blue sports coat so you can relax now.
If science truly wants to help this world they’d figure out a way to make a Burrito/Cheeseburger combo.
If I ever decide to take my own life I think I’ll just order one of those new pizzas that have cheese and bacon stuffed into the crust.
In Soviet Russia Grandmas run over Reindeers.
Just to catch up…
Yes, not really, only in June, not since 1987, you’re missing the point, Cleveland Steamer, No…but I play one on TV, 6 months tops, jumping jacks, Kate Upton, 3.69 era, that’s above my pay grade, and Bob Dole.
If this lounge was a tree…what kind of tree would it be?
I don’t know, but can I be Buchemi?
I think the Free Kraut Podcasts were better when they did them in Klingon.
You damn kids with your laser disc copies of Terms of Endearment.
Print Sandwich…just because.
good times.
Temporary Layoffs.
Free Kraut Lounges: Where Learning Never Happens.
Denial ain’t just a river in Nebraska.
So did Oz quit Free Kraut…or join the CIA…or become a monk…or become a CIA agent posing as a monk?
Three of the above
Well, wherever AgentMonk OO-Oz is…I’m sure danger and satifaction follow.
I just found out a former GF married a 70 year old. She’s 38. I knew she had daddy issues and I guess this proves it. I might send a Viagra care package as a gift.
On their wedding night he was so excited he stayed up until 7pm.
They put on a great wedding ceremony at those assisted living facilities.
The bride wore white while the groom wore Depends Formal.
They’ll be honeymooning at the early bird special at Denny’s.
The groom was heard to say that he hadn’t been this excited since voting for Truman.
In lieu of wedding gifts the bride asks for good burial spot locations.
I’m thinking the guy has $$$ and has had about five heart attacks.
Nope…he’s not loaded. In fact I’m pretty sure she has more money. She just loves the smell of Ben-Gay in the morning.
I have no problem with age differences beyond, he is totally too old to talk about the A team
I guess The Wire reboot is going to be about the wacky adventures of an electrician in urban Baltimore.
i seriously think simon’s next project oughta be oakland.
I think his next project should be a Will Ferrell comedy.
yeah, but… in oakland, right?
Well, of course.
Will Ferrell is Billy Beane in Moneyball II: Just when you thought it was safe to back into the Coliseum bathroom.
oh. i thought it’d be called “sogard,” just one word, all lower case.
Oh…artsy.
totally.
If you want to impress on a first date may I suggest Taco Bell’s new dollar menu.
Greatest sequel of all time…I mean besides The Princes Diaries 2.
I want waffles now. Or maybe not.
Can I interest you in some Eggos?
Apparently not…I guess you Missouri folks are too fancy for Eggos.
Bed: He drives women into the arms of Korean War Vets.
Someone needs to drive, I doubt he still has a license.
Well, the cataracts and the arthritis make it hard for him to steer.
Usually I drive my former girlfriends into lesbianism not senior citizens.
(Checks) Okay, I’m out of marrying a geezer jokes…for now.
I think Nick Punto killed the lounge.
To get this lounge going I either need to start talking about Star Trek or take off my pants.
I think it was Jonathan Swift who wrote…”Lollipop, lollipop, oh lolli-lollipop, lollipop, lollipop, oh lolli-lollipop, lollipop.”
The Power of Christ compels you…to try Hardees new Six Dollar Thick Burger.
To hell with you and your Hardees. Carl doesn’t like that name, his son dont like it, so I dont like it.
Heathen.
I met andy worhol at a really chic party
Did he paint you?
Like one of those French girls?
Did Nile Rodgers host it?
BLOW IT OUT YOUR HAIRDO CUZ YOU WORK AT HARDEE’S
Would you rather go on a date with Courtney Love or join ISIS?
i. will not. sleep tonight.
Who wins in a fight?
The Six Million Dollar Man or The Bionic Man.
6 million dollars doesnt get you that much bionics anymore.
Damn inflation.
neither does 10
I think he is on the backpack and I have considered if he needs to be removed somehow.
Put a sticker on it.
Eh, he would probably just walk the sticker.
He is on the backpack, positioned so the unicorn is looking rather dubiously at him.
Wanted: Two (hopefully, but one will do) Verizon edition LG G2 phones.
They’re running at about $200 on swappa.com but well I don’t have that kind of cash for a phone right now.
Thanks, and go As.
So, you want to do two phones at one time then?
Well I have 2 lines to activate, so yes
Thanks, and go As.
he has two ears, two hands, so yeah
Which tastes better…Eggos or The Six Million Dollar Man?
Can you find Farrah to ask her? Or Heather Thomas?
Heather Thomas…She got Bed through the 80’s.
Abe Vigoda…He got my ex GF through the 80’s.
I lied…I got about 6 more months worth of jokes left to go on this subject. Don’t worry 99% of them will be told elsewhere.
Back when mass emails were a thing, I made a giant email list and made fun of a particular friend everyday to the list of about 50. Not everyone knew him.
One of the emails simply said “[friend] has Farrah hair.”
more than one person on my list didn’t know what I was talking about.
My advice during these trying times is to run a nice, hot bath. Turn on some Kenny Rogers. Get in with someone friendly. Have that person drown you so all the pain goes away.
Of course to be fair that’s my standard advice for almost any situation.
sounds like a peter greenandgoldaway movie.
Signs I’m getting older. I fell asleep during the 4th quarter of last week’s Raiders game. Grandpa Bed needs his nap time.
What were your thoughts on the game? I did not end up seeing much of it, but while it was bad, I was happy it didnt seem mistake filled.
The score was misleading. The Raiders were totally outplayed in every way. They need to let Carr go down the field and be more patient with the running game. They looked flat which is a bad sign on opening day.
If we don’t beat the Texans on Sunday the season could real ugly real fast.
I was thinking of you when watching Dennis Allen’s awkward sideline cliche-fest at halftime. When he turned around to head into the tunnel he had a red sharpie tucked into the back of his visor. Cracked me up for some reason.
I usually get a chuckle every time I see DA talk. He never disappoints to throw some cliches out there. It’s been one of our better running FK jokes.
Too bad you’re already taken. You sound about the right age for your ex.
Nah, most of my parts still work. Maybe after a couple of strokes I’ll be more her speed.
Teehee. Strokes.
Hmm…using the word “strokes” after a sentence that includes “my parts” was in hindsight an awesome decision.
I imagine A’s fans who are sadomasochists are enjoying the recent stretch of baseball so at least there’s that.
Heh.
Well, the game wasn’t too exciting but it’s always fun being silly with you fine folks. Sleep well and enjoy your date with Courtney Love.
So ultimate test of my 5-0 record at games this year. I’m gonna be at the Felix start tomorrow. Thankfully, the A’s are at least playing well, right? I haven’t repressed memories or anything?
Safeco and the area surrounding it were quite fun. On par with Phone Booth. The food was quite good inside on par with Camden as my favorite food at a ballpark. They did run out of garlic fries and diet soda by the end of the 5th though.
The fans were good with people chanting for K’s every time with 2 strikes. But there were quite a few empty seats after the 9th. And they also had people attempting the wave during key moments including the Rodney breakdown (not that we can throw stones on that front). The loudest they got all game though was when Russell Wilson came on the Jumbotron and told them to make noise.
Overall, very good experience. Probably would rank it similar to Camden and Phone Booth, behind Fenway on a favorites list.
Sounds like a fun night at the ballpark.
I am not a fan of that field. Partly because I was there when it was built. It was a huge swindle. As was the stadium next door.
as far as the interior, its pretty generic to me. I liked the bullpen access, But I think that has been altered. To me it is a concrete bowl of another color.
I haven’t been to Safeco yet, but I did visit the Kingdome once and thought it was a shithole — and that was when I was an habitué of the Metrodome.
Kingdome was a shit hole.
could not see the ball.
Oh, huge rec to Camden with the food. Seems like every other stand had crab dip waffle fries and softshell crab sandwiches. Plus the pit beef barbecue place on Eutaw.
Instead of watching the game tonight we went to see Calvary. Not sure which would be a more uplifting experience.
But in one of the other theaters Jerry Harrison was introducing Down By the River. Didn’t see him either, so there’s that.
Food for thought…Fritos while reading Voltaire.
Hammer time!
Note to self…Bring back parachute pants.
Hammer time!
My betting lock of the week…That one team will beat that other team.
Note to self…Bring back Davy Crockett raccoon hats.
A question that can’t be answered. Why do people eat pudding when they know ice cream exists?
Note to self…Bring back 80’s hair metal.
Chicks still dig back hair…right?
Note to self…Bring back calculator watches.
I can’t be the only one who wants to see Chevy Chase run for President in 2016.
Note to self…Find Bull from Night Court. See if he’s still dead sexy.
Food for thought…Nachos while doing Calculus.
Note to self…Google neck tattoo designs.
I’m starting to think my life long dream of doing blow with Mean Gene Okerlund is never going to happen.
Note to self…Google Miley Cyrus mudflap designs.
It’s not widely known but Thomas Jefferson was one of the original Ghostbusters.
Note to self…Google Miley Cyrus neck tattoos.
Don’t tell anybody this but Bill Clinton has been known to fool around.
Note to self…Google when to end a joke before you run it into the ground.
Oh…so that’s what condoms are for.
I erased the last three posts I had ready. You’re welcome, America.
Well, I did post one of them. I’m sorry, America.
A little piece of me died when they cancelled The Gong Show.
I only listen to the voices in my head when they say something helpful…or when they tell me to blow the mortgage payment on hookers.
I am most often wrong when I think I see positive signs in the Raiders. Nevertheless, I am expecting a win tomorrow. The O-line will be strong and we’ll see some sustained drives and (gasp) points.
I think they’ll struggle to score but it’s certainly, on paper, one of their more winnable games.
OK, the Raiders are really bad. Really, really bad. I won’t embarrass myself with any more optimism on their behalf.
FSU comes over to Bed’s side of the fence. It was a tough watch. I can’t imagine it was a fun day at the Coliseum…I hope you ate well.
When someone says “it’s not you it’s them” what they’re really saying is we have to take it one game at a time, and play it where it lays, and give it a 110%.
My therapist thinks we should see other people.
My proctologist thinks we should fist other people.
Okay, I regretted this one while I was posting it.
If there’s anything you can’t take back, it’s that.
It’s with me for all of eternity now.
I’m not a proctologist, but I know an asshole when I see one.
I only see one when I’m around mirrors…or Dick Cheney.
On your date with Courtney Love…remember to get a tetanus shot before you go and never look her straight in the eye. She attacks when you do that.
Yeah, but you know what they say about the crazy ones. Rawr!
That’s a road I dare not travel down, FSU.
Hey, I actually worked in some references from this century tonight.
My initial thought when I saw naked pictures of Kate Upton was that it was all downhill from here.
My accountant thinks we should…uh….er…I can’t think of anything funny involving accountants.
My TV pitch…Ice Road Truckers but in Florida.
I’ve seen five of my taglines tonight. My narcissism is somewhat satisfied.
We only restore them in the rotation when you show back up.
Wait…this site goes on when I’m not here?
Mostly we share our favorite Norman Vincent Peale stories and trade recipes.
So basically what all the other A’s baseball related blogs do then.
I just had the strangest dream.
Did it involve Miley Cyrus or fisting?
Close. Balls and Felix.
Unger or the Cat?
The pitcher
Unger would have been more fun…and tidier.
I only dream in black in white…except when I dream in color which is all the time.
My TV pitch…The Golden Girls but set in a place where they drive trucks over ice roads.
Every time I see Blade Runner I hope this is the time I’ll understand what the fuck is going on.
Just 5 more years and it’ll make sense, Bed.
I look forward to finally figuring this thing out.
Killing replicants is a real Dick move.
He had to do something — they were driving Roy batty.
(groan)
Food for thought…Gummi Bears while doing a Vulcan Mind Meld.
Courage.
It’s possible that this Vikings fan was attempting some thought-provoking performance art rather than just being an asshole — I think it would have been nice for the reporter who took her picture to ask her for a comment before making her go viral — but jeez, Louise.
Dennis Allen will soon be a former football coach who used to coach football players playing the game of football in the National Football League.
Raiders vs Patriots next week should be a lot of fun. Then we go to England lose to the Dolphins and DA gets fired at 0-4 going into the bye. Tony Sparano takes over for the remainder of the season and then we start the whole thing over again. Same as it ever was…same as it ever was.
Does he get left in England?
He won’t be flying coach, that’s for sure.
I’d make him pay for his airfare home.
The Golden Gate Bridge isn’t where this SNF studio backdrop thinks it is.
The sad part is I’m not even mad about the Raiders anymore. I’m just bored. I had a couple of friends over and by the middle of the second quarter we started talking about Johnson and how he handled Vietnam. That conversation was more interesting than any recent Raider game.
So you had a fun-filled day of sucking quagmires.
Sounds about right.
Giggity.
Ugh. Yeah, I don’t know how many more quarters of Raider football I can watch this year. The defense is hilarious.
About as hilarious as the stock footage of the GG bridge and aerial shots of SF during this football game being played 40 miles to the south.
Our next pass rush will be our first. They don’t generate any pressure with the defensive line at all. The linebackers don’t make plays and their blitzes are ineffectual…oh and they can’t stop the run to save their lives. Fun stuff.
Tough night for the Niners. To be up 17-0 at home should be a win.
O-line: awful
Playcalling: awful
4 turnovers: awful
clock management: awful
playcalling and clock management can be directly attributed to Greg Roman. He is just a bad OC and shouldn’t be calling plays. Calls shitty run plays when he should call a pass and vice versa.
In theory all of it is fixable. 2 of the picks were great plays by Varrett. The O-Line should get stronger when Martin isn’t forced to play, Boone is back into the swing of things, and Marcus Martin is healed up.
Roman needs to go, too.
Thanks, and go As.
I’m revising us down to a 9-10 win projection and a wild card slot.
Several of those picks were great plays rather than bad reads, so I’m less pissed about them than I otherwise would be. Our defense is just not good though. And the fucking penalties are killing me. We play like the bad old Raiders out there, and it just doesn’t stop.
So do we know what the “inappropriate language” penalty was for? That infraction could not be named more schoolmarmishly.
they said there is no list of prohibited words.
They know it when they hear it?
Improper use of the subjunctive.
I thought maybe he called the signals in French.
Kaepernick said he didn’t say anything.
Bears players said he didn’t say anything.
Who knows.
Thanks, and go As.
They were some crazily flag-happy officials.
Lots of ticky-tack calls, that being a headline (esp. if the Bears aren’t talking about it)
The holding call on Boldin that got Gore’s TD called back was one of the worst calls I can remember seeing.
Really annoyed at how little is talked about the horrific officiating.
Thanks, and go As.
The announcers were certainly talking about it during the game, but yeah, it seems like the officials really went overboard on the calls
The penalties were the worst part of the watching experience. And that was just a terrible second half. Everything got so undisciplined and sloppy
That and we got torched through the air a week after getting torched on the ground by Dallas.
Our defense is not good, our discipline is not good, and solid teams have a real chance to beat us.
So, the Buffalo Bills are 2-0…the end is nigh.
One man’s apocalypse is another man’s rapture.
Those all white uniforms+helmets are hot.
I guess we’re looking at a Buffalo Bills vs Arizona Cardinals Super Bowl.
It won’t happen because this is football and trades are rarely made in football but if I’m McKenzie I put everybody not named Carr and Mack on the trading block. The Raiders need building blocks not the collection of veterans they currently have.
Okay, enough Raiders…back to talking about man’s struggle against his true nature.
I struggled to stay awake all day. Now I can’t sleep.
The lounge is a good place to catch a nap. It’s nice and quiet.