Hey! The A’s are taking names and making errors…but still winning games with pitchers I’ve never heard of. So, sit back and relax and lounge away.
241 thoughts on “The Lounge where we take a running jump.”
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Actually muggy.
It’s resurrection weather.
When it be muggy Jesus will come flying out in a dune buggy!
Is that an actual Bible quote?
Yep…it’s in the Book of Bed.
I’d read that.
Me too. Oz’s mom says Bed is special.
She does. My mom loves you in a mostly non-sexual way.
So you’re saying I have a chance?
Not as much as you do with me, big boy.
Well, I was just going to use her to get to you anyway so I guess I can just skip that step.
But… if I’m not FKing my stepdad, how will I ever get on The Jerry Springer Show?
Easy…all you have to do is marry a cousin or attempt to date Bridget the Midget.
Oh, I’ve done both of those. Multiple times.
Really? Hmm…usually Bridget kills her dates.
Bridget loves me.
Well, it was bound to happen one day…speaking of bound…you’ll likely be bound and tortured by her…enjoy.
Why do you think I love her back?
Well, I always say go out and find whatever floats your boat and then go float it. I also always say you’ll love it at Levitz!
Because her front isn’t anything to write home about?
Precisely.
I don’t want to get all meta here but…chocolate milkshakes are tasty.
Wholeheartedly agree.
Happy 4th of July everybody!
To all the saviors out there..Happy Birthday.
For those about to rock…we salute you.
Seems odd that he celebrated two of those a year and one changes days every year. Or it would if it weren’t started in order to incorporate a pagan holiday for the start of spring.
Speaking of dune buggy driving Jesus…Val Kilmer was the second worst Batman.
The good news is this masturbation related wrist injury will likely keep me out of Vietnam.
My posts in this lounge make more sense if you read them in the voice of Alex Cord.
…and the Airwolf triple play is done.
This ends what will likely be my greatest achievement as a man.
I’ve started to text people on a regular basis… at this pace I should have a Myspace account up by 2016.
I’m thinking about buying a car with an automatic transmission.
Hmm…that sounds risky. I’m not sure I trust the technology of it yet.
Maybe I should wait and see if it catches on.
Sound thinking on your part. I give out good advice. If you don’t mind I’m going to go see how my Enron stock is doing.
No worries, I was about to go rent a movie for my beta max.
Try Blockbuster or Circuit City.
Oh, good call!
Gasp!
BTW, I’m still sore from last night. I can’t believe you made me do that.
Bwahaha!
Freaks, I made him walk up some stairs. In my defense, I thought it was just a few, then we rounded the corner and there was a lot.
And in my defense, I’m way out of shape.
Uh, same. I don’t hurt, but I thought I needed oxygen at the time.
I don’t really hurt, but my calves are a bit tight today. My left leg is worse, probably because of the traffic on Friday.
I don’t walk up stairs…I’m a Republican.
I prefer to be carried up the stairs by little people… I’m a Democrat.
I skimmed some of the posts and I see that both Kay and Bloom posted…I wait for the day when OakFoSho graces us with their presence.
Oh, and hi Kay and Bloom…I miss interacting with both of you.
Are we sure that it takes only one night in Bangkok to make a hard man humble?
Um, I think it’s supposed to be “… a bard man mumble.”
No joke, at yesterday’s game they played a Name That Tune type contest.
This was a song they had to name.
One contestant said the song was “Jolt” by Van Halen. Might as well jolt!
I like Sammy Hagar Can Halen more than David Lee Roth Van Halen…there, I said it.
Holy shit. For once, we agree on something.
Well, okay. I think that means it’s time for us to die.
Perhaps it means we already have.
So Arkansas really is Heaven…hmm, I thought there would be better golf courses.
YOu really think you’re going to heaven? You’re a Democrat and an A’s fan.
…fair point…okay..So Arkansas really is Hell…hmm, I thought it would be a drier heat.
All the Eddie, twice the David Lee!
These damn kids these days…listening to their James Taylor, churning their own butter, wearing dresses that show calves.
Your children are growing up awful damn fast.
They are…soon they’ll be off to Hawaii to marry people much younger than themselves.
The Circle of Life. It’s so beautiful.
This and dune buggy driving Jesus bring a tear to my eye.
Hey, it’s dune buggy driving Zombie Jesus. Get it right.
Are you calling my lord and savior a zombie? I smite thee!
I like to Par-Tay!…well, actually I like to golf and watch Washington Week on PBS.
I used to watch Washington Week religiously in my 20s. It just dawned on me what a preposterous nerd I was.
I can out-nerd that…I was watching The McLaughlin Group in my mid-teens. Needless to say I didn’t get out much.
Thank you Mor-TON! Over to you Bob Novak (leers creepily).
I was a total political nerd as a kid…now I find politics mostly boring.
I loved Dana Carvey growing up. Anytime I do Bush I or Carson I’m doing him.
You stopped loving Dana Carvey once he reached adulthood? Why?
Nerds. I spent those years sleeping with cheerleaders. And by “sleeping with cheerleaders,” I mean playing with myself.
I wasn’t smart enough really to be a nerd, I was just a loser.
I wasn’t/am not cool enough to be a loser.
Bando reporting for duty here.
that’s about the time i discovered gumby.
Terrible nickname.
can’t help it. same eyes. same color. same voice.
Clear eyes, full hearts, get cancelled after five low rated seasons.
WRONG! I was doing that too. Jack Germond was my boy.
next topic, Does the rise of Yuri Andropov mean the end of SALT II?
ISSUE NUMBAH TWO: IS GEORGE BUSH A SNIVELING WEAKLING? PAT BUCHANAN.
HE’S BACK
God they’re even bringing back Pat Buchanan, as though he doesn’t already have enough evil on his resume.
He won’t be back for long though (turns 81 in November). Eleanor is 79, Clarence is 72. There are going to be a lot of coughing fits when they get worked up.
Also, they are the proto everything bad about cable tv. Little substance, lots of yelling, all about punditry – nothing about how politics and governance affect real live people, just a game
So, I’m sitting there playing my nightly game of Russian Roulette when it hits me…I don’t have to eat wheat bread if I don’t want to.
No one wants to eat wheat bread.
Well, I have to keep my weight down to a nice even 400 pounds and the wheat bread helps with that.
Maybe don’t eat a whole loaf with every meal, though.
Geeze…fine, take away my reason to live.
Wheat bread is for people who don’t know better.
I have to say the great thing about texting is it’s so much easier to communicate with my mistress now.
My goal for the 2014 Oakland Athletics season is to find out who the hell Jesse Chavez is by October.
My guess is that anyone who says “I ain’t afraid of no ghost” likely hasn’t seen a ghost.
If dirt were dollars we’d all have trouble on rainy days.
What do I look for in a mattress? Does it have the right thickness to hide my porn properly?
It’s just a fact…anytime a guy says a woman has nice eyes he means boobs.
It’s just a fact…size totally matters which is why some of us take up golf.
It’s just a fact…the Earth is flat and the Sun revolves around it.
This It’s Just A Fact was brought to you by the Dark Ages.
On the next Game of Thrones…people talk, other people talk, some other people walk, and then some more people talk.
father of three, it’s disgusting
what a horrible thing to do
he cut off his toes and he served them all for tea
you must be joking
take a running jump
Heh…I knew you’d get the reference.
I actually loved Easter growing up…my grandmother made the best ham…too bad she got caught for all those murders.
Easter is way underrated as a meat consumption holiday.
Agreed. The good news about marrying a Catholic is we’ll eat well during certain holidays. The bad news is I’ll be doing the cooking.
TWSS
It’s just a fact…fracking is safe for the environment and isn’t causing all those earthquakes.
This It’s Just A Fact was brought to you by your local natural gas company.
I’m not saying we should strip all the wealth from the top .01% of the country…I’m saying we should shoot them and then take their money.
My knee is flaring up…means rain is coming…it’s an old war injury…from all that running to Canada to dodge the draft.
How many episodes backed up on your DVR does it take before you know you’ll never catch up on a show?
Wait a minute…this question has nothing to do with either waffles or volunteer work.
It’s just a fact…when she says it’s not you, it’s her, it’s actually you…because you totally suck.
Does it make me a cheap bastard that I want my son to dress in drag so he can just wear his sister’s clothes that she’s outgrown?
Does it make me a cheap bastard that I give out government cheese as Christmas gifts?
I tell my grandchildren one day about the lounge I worked in Alex Cord’s name to complete the Airwolf triple play…today, I truly am the luckiest man alive.
Does it make me a cheap bastard that I feed my son government cheese while making him wear hand me down clothes from his sister?
It’s just a fact…lounges are more fun when Sammy Hagar era Van Halen is mentioned.
This It’s Just A Fact was brought to you by the year 1991.
Well, I guess everybody left…I blame the Dutch.
I’m going to my 4th game of the year tomorrow, but the first pitched by anyone besides Sonny Gray.
Braggart.
its a free game. We do not expect to win.
Free? God damn commie bastards.
David Brooks: Putting the Pseudo in pseudo-intellectual since 1998.
Well, this lounge seems dead…I guess you guys are really big David Brooks’ fans.
The first thing you’ll notice about the 16th hole is the elevated green. Even though this is only a 160 yard Par 3 it’s mostly straight up hill so use at least one more club than you think you need. Try to make sure your tee shot is bellow the hole though as the green slopes down towards the front of the green. This leads to very tricky downhill putts if you’re above the hole. If you can get out of this hole with a par you should walk away happy.
You have to fight (boom boom) for your right (boom boom) to assemble.
Is that what the Avengers are about?
Sorry, I wouldn’t know…I’m too cool for that stuff…I watch Star Trek!
I smell a nerd.
NERD!!!!
DMOAS!
Why are you repeating what he said?
She didn’t. She said it with less enthusiasm.
But not quite disappointment.
WHEELHARP SOLO!
Really, at the end of the day…Michael Bolton was just a poor man’s Bryan Adams.
I woke up at five this morning thinking I had a paper due for my Comp I Honors class…then I realized I’m bald, 40, married with two children, and I was never smart enough for an Honors class.
Thinking about growing out the unibrow.
All jokes aside I love having kids….(meanwhile Bed is using his eyes to blink out Morse code…Help Me, Help Me)
The best part of marriage? Having someone to share massive student loan debt with.
It’s just a fact…that dress totally makes your ass look fat…well, damn…you asked!
The friendship was going along smoothly until he mentioned that Marvel was way cooler than DC…so I shot him, shot him dead.
We’ll give you the rest of this story coming up next on When Nerds Attack!
Does it make me a cheap and possibly sick bastard that I use government cheese as lube for alone time?
Sounds painful, actually.
Pus…uh,…um….(Bed runs away)
… was it something I said?
It’s not you, it’s me…not liking you so actually yeah, it’s you.
Damn, you’re harsh. I wore deodorant this time. What more do you want from me?
Well, I’m almost out of A’s baseball related things to post about in this lounge so maybe I should start to wrap it up.
Best Jam Flavor
A. Strawberry
B. Apricot-Pineapple
C. Blackberry
D. Pearl
E. Other
A
SPOILER ALERT!!!!SPOILER ALERT!!!
On tonight’s Mad Men people smoke.
Charo is a god. She’s not “The” God…I don’t think.
Dialogue from Groundhog Day 2: Electric Cuchi Cuchi Coo.
Shit…I’ve worked in the Airwolf triple play and Charo in one lounge…I really am that good.
Let’s go Sharks!
OK, starting now.
I guess when it comes to the imminent war between humans and sharks I’m rooting for the Raiders.
Ok, maybe in a few minutes.
Ok, maybe when Hell freezes over…and then Hell becomes a hockey rink.
Good 2nd period for the Sharks so far…
Oh yeah, you know…it’s the power play.
I wanted to say it was odd not seeing you this time around. You were the only one I’d met every time I’d come to Oakland.
For a second, I thought you were talking about me.
That’s hilarious.
Funny, I met FSU for the first time at Friday’s game.
Funny, I’m actually just a figment of your imagination.
Everyone is. I’m the only person who actually exists. The world is my daydream.
At least we maintained tradition.
Just in case we ever hook up please remember that my safe word phrase is “Donny Osmond’s Nipples.”
So, it turns out working in Weird Al lyrics into you wedding vows isn’t the best move. In related news I may need a place to crash for a couple of weeks.
Are you like me and wonder when Eddie Murphy is finally going to get back to his music career?
Are you like me and wonder if Joe Piscopo is still alive?
Actually, yes.
Are you like me and wonder if (insert 1980’s SNL cast member name here) is going to (insert something odd or silly here)
Speaking of my hatred of goat cheese…My Ford needs an oil change.
Well that was a crappy first period. And that California Soul truck ad song has gotten unbearable.
OMFG Yes.
It must be the power play.
andeux, at last night’s A’s game I met a man from Buffalo. He said to tell you sorry.
The 21st century has not been a good one for Buffalo teams. But now that Jon Bon Jovi and Donald Trump are both interested in buying the Bills*, things are looking up, I’m sure.
* something that is actually happening, not some made up item about two people from the 80s.
Bon Jovi buying the team could be interesting. “Pay what you think is fair for tickets, concessions, parking, etc.”
I would start listing Bon Jovi songs to make fun of the Bills but I really only know two Bon Jovi songs so it doesn’t seem worth it.
I think “Livin’ On A Prayer” would be a good theme song for the Bills.
We’re half way there, Oz…we’re half way there.
He is part of a group that supposedly wants to eventually move the team to
San JoseToronto.Then they’ll rebrand the NFL to the IFL.
That’s weird.
Maybe Bon Jovi will buy them instead!
Bed, those graying 40s men with hot wives in the commercials who confess to having low testosterone are always driving Fords.
So…commercials are like real life…I knew it!
I haven’t offended anyone here in awhile so…Oz, history majors are jerks!
Hey, that’s a lie! We’re douchebags and assholes, not jerks.
Tonight’s dinner special in the lounge is truffle flavored quail eggs with foie gras served with a side of Fritos.
So what’s it liked to get romanced by the Bed? Just imagine me giving you a back rub while I sing along with Kenny Rogers singing Lady. Then…Fritos.
You had me at Fritos.
Bean dip?
So, other than Roseanne Barr who should play Indiana Jones in the reboot?
John Goodman should play Short Round. Then he can play Data in the Goonies reboot.
I like the way you think.
Don’t encourage him.
So I turned on this hockey game to see what the fuss is aboot. Since then the Sharks have scored three times. You’re welcome.
So, I turned on a fight and a hockey game broke out..Hey-O!
This dated and not at all funny joke was brought to you by The Laugh Factory near Arden Mall. Coming soon Louie Anderson for four nights!
BELLOWPHONE SOLO!
Followed by a jazz hand solo. We’re going to make a killing on the CD album.
I knew all that jazz hand solo practice would pay off one day.
I’ve hardly watched any baseball,outside of the playoffs, the past three years and the A’s have been great. So, yes I’m to blame for the ALDS loses.
Anytime you place a bet in the celebrity dead pool the safe bet is always John Daly.
or Tyne Daly…she’s due.
Well, it’s after 11 pm here and you know what that means. It means it’s time for my posts to become random and nonsensical.
I’d like to dedicate this lounge to the band Toto. Thank you Toto for providing the soundtrack to my life. I have indeed blessed the rains down in Africa.
I feel like there aren’t enough posts about Exploitation Theory here on Free Kraut.
There are now.
I finally got to the end of True Detective…SPOILER ALERT!!! It was Colonel Mustard in the Library with a candlestick.
What frustrates me most about so much high-end TV is the way the complex, thought-provoking male characters throw the lazy, one-dimensional female stereotypes into such sharp relief. It’s as though the writers are saying “look, we can do this, we’re just not going to bother with half the population”.
I think this is why I love Game of Thrones so much. It seems like many of his best characters are women. Daenerys, Briene, Arya and many more.
And don’t forget Lady Olenna Tyrell, who has quickly become one of my faves. The Dorothy Parker of the Westeros Round Table.
They even had male front nudity. They’re equal opportunity.
Not even close to equal, thank the seven.
Last week they went close in on a vag and this week close in on a guy’s junk. At the very least they don’t shy away from it. Man, woman, whatever, if they’re naked in in the middle of the action, it’s going to be there.
True, but the ladies just happen to be naked a lot more often.
Well sure. But then they’re also much prettier. Most of the men on the show are fairly homely or worse.
To be fair, Hodor got gratuitously nude.
Yeah, but he’s gay so it doesn’t count.
The “Queen of Thorns.” Love her.
Oh yes she’s awesome! I can’t decide how much I like Jon Snow’s wildling lady friend. But she’s pretty badass in any case.
I like her. She has that aggressive, no BS attitude. She won’t suffer a fool but she’ll toy with him if she likes him. And when it counts, she can snap off an arrow in his ass.
This has been a fun lounge…thanks everybody.
It’s just a fact…I’m out of things to post…for now.
Bed makes the best tags of any FK’er. I am put to shame by “Daric Barton is slugging .138”
If someone has a current email for Bed, please forward it to me. I keep missing him in the Lounge, and I need to coordinate a visit with him on my likely visit to Arkansas this fall.
Popping this up a little late, but still right on time: you didn’t think I’d let the 92nd anniversary of the birth of Charles Mingus go by unacknowledged, did you? Not a chance. I just hope the Koch Brothers haven’t used their owned chattel slaves in the Congress to abolish music education yet, so’s the young ones coming up can find out who Charlie was and why they should be inspired by his example to give the creative middle-finger to people like ol’ Chuck and Dave. Regardless of my attempted polemicization, please enjoy this wild unreleased triple-CD live record, languishing in the Atlantic Records vaults for 42 years but brought to you today by way of celebration of the monumental memory of Mingus.
faubulous.
ISWYDT