New space to Lounge. Other one was getting full. This should last us until Valentine’s Day.
449 thoughts on “11/13/13 Lounge: Let’s snuggle”
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New space to Lounge. Other one was getting full. This should last us until Valentine’s Day.
You must be logged in to post a comment.
A feel a little funny tonight, like I love everything. The best things I love right now, in no particular order:
1. hot chocolate with marshmallows
2. starting IVs, especially in feet
3. steaks
4. freshly shaved legs
5. labradors
6. gel pens
7. Thor
8. lottery tickets
9. cheese and crackers
10. sweatshirts
11. medical insurance
12. The Walking Dead
13. reading on my Kindle
14. fast internet
15. FKers
Well that’s horrifying. Heroin addicts or something?
Sometimes drug addicts. Or an old lady had a double mastectomy. Or an injury to one arm and no other venous access in the other arm.
when the ambulance collected milo, they put some giant ass IV (they called it something different) in his shin. It was taken out in the ICU hours after he arrived at the hospital. Shortly after it was taken out a flurry of medical professionals came around (the flurries happened frequently in the ICU). The brain/head doctor was evaluating him to see if he needed surgery for the cracked skull he suffered. he asked milo where it hurt.
Milo turned to the doctor slowly (mind you he had barely spoke any words by this time), uncurled his pointer finger, all the while giving the doctor the absolute sourest face. he then raised the finger in the air and dramatically pointed at the hole in his leg where the IV had been. (think the grim reaper in Monty pythons meaning of life pointing at the salmon mousse).
It was an IO. Intraosseous IV.
Mrs. PDX had to have one in her foot once for surgery – she doesn’t do well with IVs in general and had already gone through several in her hands/arms over the previous few months. We’re on a first name basis with the “IV therapy” unit at the hospital.
1. indeed. bought hot cocoa yesterday in preparation.
2. starting XI’s. though messi won’t be among them this week.
3. STEAKS. surprise of the month, the alley has really decent NY strips, cooked right, for quite not that much at all. (the salad is to be avoided. the baked potato does OK.)
4. but not my own.
5. typing.
6. i got nothing.
7. thstretch betther bethore extherthising.
8. i want my $2 back from that one i bought when i turned 18.
9. i eat cheese with folks of any ethnicity.
10. INSIDE OUT! seriously. why do they put the stuff that, over time, gets pilly on the inside and the stuff that keeps getting softer on the outside? (i’ve re-zippered my “house sweatshirt” to suit.)
11. used it yesterday. after a week of tummy aches, showed up to the doctor asymptomatic.
12. sex and the city. … KIDDING!
13. not designing for the kindle.
14. fast times.
15. FKers?? like anybody here is actually getting laid…
16. as of an hour ago, 25 (measly) meters of actual, factual butterfly without looking like a drowning idiot. slow. but not an idiot.
I read that as “feel a little horny tonight.” I’m not projecting at all. Not at all…
#2, I have wonderously beautiful veins. Nurses love them.
#4, freshly shaved (by someone else) anything is always nice. When I do it? Yuck. Never close enough.
We should talk.
Solid list, Jennifer.
I’ll make sure to shave my legs before I bring you a steak, while I’m dressed in a The Walking Dead sweatshirt. While you eat your steak you can download some reading material on your Kindle off a fast internet connection while scratching lottery tickets as your Labrador, named Thor, brings you your new medical insurance card. I hear cheese and crackers go great with steak, and for desert we’ll have some hot chocolate with marshmallows as we talk about that time you started an IV in a patients foot, and then we’ll end the night with a discussion of the pros and cons of gel pens with a group of Fkers.
sweatshirt? kindle? fast internet? insurance? walking dead? fkres?
those all come after #10! I didn’t know you accepted information on lists past #10.
I’m expanding my horizons in my middle age.
most of the good holloween candy is gone
A couple years ago we implemented what I’m told is the standard dentist’s recommendation these days…let the kids eat as much candy as they want for three days, then it’s all gone. Actually we allowed a bonus day, told the kids to eat their favorites, and then I took it all to work for the office candy dish. Worked out OK.
huh. I do a few pieces a night after dinner
Yeah, but how much do you let the kids have?
sometimes three someives five. they can appeal for more, approved on a case by case basis
You should try a little experiment. Let one of them have as much candy as he wants, while the other gets none at all. See what happens.
you’re lots of fun at funerals and brisses, aren’t ya?
You have no idea. Yet.
Make sure you yell “LIFE’S NOT FAIR” at the top of your voice while you do this
This is a brilliant and necessary addition.
Snuggling doesn’t do it for me. Anal fisting or nothing.
I miss Kay.
I miss Bed. Yesterday I was flipping between a Kansas college hoops game and a JFK program. Throw in the Raiders, and there are some great bed conversation topics just begging to be discussed.
On Sunday, I heard 2 Phil Collins songs. I wanted to pull over and cry. He’s the Ron Burgundy to my Brick Tamland.
I have faith they will be back, when they want to be.
But… what if they don’t miss us?
On Sunday I heard two Ozzy Osbourne songs. I wanted to pull over and cry. You’re the Spiro Agnew to my Richard Nixon.
YOU’RE BACK! WOOT!!!
I never left…I just forgot how to type.
Oh, so you saw all the horrible things I said about you. Good!
They were all true and fair so I was cool with it…well, that and I have really low self-esteem so I was just happy someone was mentioning me.
People talk about you all the time, they just usually precede your name with “That motherFKer…”
I’m in!
I barely know you.
What better way to get to know each other better than my fist up your ass?
I think that’s how George Burns and Gracie Allen met.
you’re thinking of shari lewis and lambchop.
Wait. There’s a difference?
Let’s put this to a vote: who thinks Jennifer should dress up as a Mexican wrestler, make sheet angels, and quietly sing “Mambo Italiano” on video for all to enjoy?
Me! I’d also accept “Besame Mucho.”
That would work also, agreed.
thirsty. so very thirsty.
apparantly my grandpa used to ask my mom and her two sisters why they couldn’t be more like them
because what three girls can turn adorable and fun, one guy always makes bitterly anti sexual-imperialist?
hosted by jimmy carter!
Holy shit. My damn neighbor sounds like a fking chain saw through the wall with their snoring.
Kill him with a chainsaw. The whole neighborhood will think it’s just his snoring.
chris cox, is that
youhim?Cabrera MVP.
Thanks, and go As.
Donaldson 4th. Not bad. John Hickey sweetened his beat by throwing JD a first place vote.
LOL at the guy from the Worcester Telegram & Gazzette who had Davis first and Trout seventh.
Coco gets one 9th, one 10th place vote. One from Hickey, one from a Detroit writer.
would have been 3rd place if 3 idiots didn’t think Chris Davis was the first or second best in the league
BUT, BUT, DINGERZ!!!11!!1!
Could the finalists that were announced also have slid more 3rd place votes to Davis?
I thought the “finalists” were just a sneak preview of who the top three finishers were in the already-completed voting.
Why do people keep saying Goldschmidt was a good defender when he had a -7 UZR at 1B?
Thanks, and go As.
He’s the Jeter of 1B.
I mean people are arguign that he should have been MVP when he was 4th at best.
Thanks, and go As.
Well, Cabrera shouldn’t have won, but OMG RBI! AND DINGERZ!
1) The summary at the top and bottom on fg that lists him as -7.0 includes the positional adjustment. (That’s not how I remember it either, so it must have changed.) His UZR was +5.4.
2) UZR isn’t that great a metric for 1B anyway, since I don’t think it measures receiving throws.
Elcroata will you forgive me if I root for Iceland?
so how’d that work out for you?
Icily.
i didn’t catch it. just the score. where’d they play?
saw first half of US and it looked friendly. US was connecting plays. gotta finish them. that’s what i saw.
haven’t checked scoreboard because starting portugal replay now. no spoilers.
Reykjavic. Iceland lost a man to a DOGSO red card early in the second half and had to defend its ass off after that.
that’s not bad for them with away goal advantage. i’m still rooting for elcroatia.
I had forgotten how much I enjoy Croatia’s uniforms, so I’m sort of rooting for them too now.
That’s cold, man.
Am I a bad person for thinking this SF batkid thing is ridiculous?
*Checks*
Yep.
At least you won’t be the only one. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great and all what they’re doing. But I don’t need to hear about it everywhere I go for a week+.
Not bad, just heartless.
Damn, now I’ll never get that utility infielder job.
Yes
Yes, but your vote doesn’t count.
i am also bad, man.
Misanthropy loves company. Ironic.
We can start club. We can call ourselves: The Assholes.
Asshole Nation please
*sshole *ation
wasn’t exactly that. more like myopic mismediapy. for this much annoying hoopla i wanted the scope to be broader than one totally deserving kid. but maybe it helps attract funds so the foundation can help more kids. i’ve made peace with batkid.
My impression was that the hoopla was all part of the fantasy. You know, making it more real for him with press coverage and all.
I’ve been mildly annoyed by the very small bit of hoopla I saw….it was a good day to be at a food conference in St. Helena. Not that there are any bad days to be at a food conference in St. Helena. I also managed to miss being at work when the news came that one of my bosses had died (not at all unexpectedly, we knew it was any day now) and thus, avoided having my visible level of grief audited and graded, which I’m not keen on.
saw a bunch of fb posts on that. wondered about you
Raul was a great journalist, but for whatever reason I don’t have a special memory of some warm and witty thing he said to me that changed my career or gave me a new outlook on life, unlike apparently everyone else who ever met him. So I’m going to stay out of the competition.
there was a “took a chance on me, a non j school” and a “batkid couldnt stop this from happening”
As much as journalists enjoy the hard-bitten, cynical rep they have, most of them are as sentimental as Victorian grandmothers.
I want your job
It’s definitely the work highlight of the year.
not the only one
he qualifying statement kinda sums it up for me.
Yes. That. Good for him.
16. Hot tubs
17. Humidifiers
18. Under baked cookies
19. Good customer service
20. Even numbered lists
21. Odd people.
Fuck you
Don’t mind if I do.
slf likes underbaked cookies. its a simmering battle
I’m very fond of chocolate chip cookies without chocolate chips. I don’t understand why these aren’t recognized as awesome with an identity of their own.
me too. chocolate chips seem like overkill
This comment just got me started eating chocolate chip cookies at 9:30 am. Fortunately, they have chips because it would just be weird without them.
I can’t say I’ve had them but I recognize the awesomeness of them.
The Cookie Connection in Roseville/Sac/Woodland has these. They are called “Oops” cookies.
I always read SLF as “Sif” and end up thinking of Lady Sif and the Warriors Three.
One week until the 50th anniversary. I’m leaning towards the CIA. Not so much Castro or the Mafia. And Oswald as solo actor is ludicrous. Who do you got?
its two weeks till my parents 50th.
i’m thinking eric boucher.
would it be rad if somebody just said
‘i did it”
I just was at the CIA today, but I’m pretty sure they didn’t do it with a salad of heirloom beets, smoked eel, bresaola, blood orange, and bitter greens.
Idk, that sounds terrible enough to kill.
There was something scarier today, at least for my kraut-averse palate, and it came from one of the current hot items, Stuart Brioza of State Bird Provisions. Sourdough Sauerkraut Pecorino Ricotta Pancakes.
Nasty!
That’s what they want you to believe with their Single Butternut Theory.
There have been a bunch of foods presented with tiny syringes of sauce in them….that would be plausible. Everyone else got the dumpling with the syringe of chili oil but only the victim got the cyanide.
Were you able to go to the gift shop?
Was I supposed to bring you something? I was going to make all my purchases tomorrow at the end of the conference….
It will be eight years since my best friend died on the way home for thanksgiving my junior year of college on the same day.
I always clean the bathroom before I barf. I’m not sure how I can wait until I clean.
Um… Had you just barfed before you posted that?
I hate to barf, but, fortunately, I almost never do it. The last time was 1990.
I felt the urge, so I got up and cleaned the bathroom. Didn’t end up barfing.
***BREAKING NEWS***
Jennifer did not barf, I repeat, Jennifer did not barf.
boobs.
Thanks, and go As.
As I was saying…
hello!
Is it me you’re looking for?
Hmm…is there anyone here at four in the morning to moderate my comment?
Okay, I changed my name for two reasons…one I’m 40 now so I have to be all adult and stuff…two…uh, I forgot the password to my old account.
Sorry I missed the playoffs…I’ve just been super busy. I enjoyed two out of the five games the A’s played against the Tigers.
Everything else is groovy…I hope you’re all doing well.
While it’s tempting to post six to seven hundred posts that await moderation I’ll instead just sit here and wait…to make my move…or to post about VORP…whichever comes first.
woo! I have been super busy too, but there is always time for kraut.
The two things there’s always time for are Free Kraut and Jell-O.
I did not know who this Brian was … until the VORP comment.
Yeah, it’s kind of a dead give away.
Raiders! Admit it, they aren’t the avert-your-eyes-horrible team you thought they’d be!
I’ve been pleasantly surprised how the defense has played and they seem to try hard most weeks. I thought they’d win three games at the start of the year and hopefully they can surpass that.
Yup. Unlike almost everyone anywhere, I though McKenzie’s offseason approach of filling the many defensive holes with workmenlike journeymen (plus Woodson) was exactly right. They don’t routinely give up huge plays like last year’s D (except for the Philly game, which was brutal).
Looks like we’ll see the debut of the Matt McGloin experience tomorrow. If this football thing doesn’t work out for him, his last name suits him well to promote the next pork-like meat product from McDonald’s.
A career at McDonald’s is a likely outcome for Mr. McGloin. As far as the rest of the team my biggest knock is there aren’t many building blocks on the roster going forward. It doesn’t help that McKenzie blew a 4th round pick on a practice squad QB and a 5th round pick on a QB who made one start before being cut.
I think it’s fair to say you’re much higher on the approach he’s taking than I am…that being said I picked the Falcons to win the Super Bowl so clearly I don’t know anything about football.
Please feel free to call me Brian, Bed, sirbed, 1-Iron or Chaka Khan.
ray?
So…has anyone gotten married, or died…or gotten married and then died?
There’s one new baby that I know of. Wasn’t Ms. Hawaii carrying a Bed Jr.? Or are you still making fourth-meal Arby’s runs?
Oh…so that’s why she’s put on so much weight. Yeah, we got about another month to go before she pops.
Let’s see. I went to Oakland again. Had my gallbladder removed. I have Lasik next month.
Hmm…it sounds like that trip took a lot out of you.
I got home Saturday and my gallbladder got angry Monday.
Well, you’re here so I assume the surgery went well. Perhaps next time you should go to San Jose instead. Lew Wolff just raves about the place.
I had one giant gallstone. It was pretty badass. I wanted to make a ring out of it but it smells like smashed assholes now. :(
I’ve seen Romancing the Stone…I’m not sure if the helps?
Do smashed assholes smell better or worse than unsmashed assholes?
Elcroata and Madame de Elcroata came for a visit. They arrived in the middle of the Halloween party and were so traumatized they had to go to New Zealand.
I’m pretty sure the AMA recommends a trip to New Zealand after all visits to Halloween parties.
Sra. I think is more accurate
The only STD I’ve ever gotten is Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.
gross
Yes, Michael Gross played the dad on Family Ties and yes, he helped me get that STD.
…and now I’ll break down the MLB off-season. The thing I notice the most is that they tend to play less games during the winter.
Brian’s Baseball Talk has been brought to you by Zima…Have you driven a Zima lately?
IIRC, the Zima was the compact car market’s uglier, slower answer to the Yugo.
To be fair it did have a smoother taste than a Yugo though.
These rumors that I’m actually Toronto mayor Rob “Crack is Whack” Ford are completely and totally most likely not true.
Can you pull off the bedraggled Friar Tuck haircut that Ford rocks so smoothly?
Sadly no…but I can wear hockey jerseys and smoke crack so I have that going for me.
drink a half a bottle of vodka and do blow with hookers?
I’m a MAN! I’m 40! I can drink a whole bottle of vodka and do blow with hookers…as long as I’m asleep by 9:30.
Oakland’s Andrew Ward fights tonight for the first time in 14 months, off of shoulder surgery (7:00 pm on HBO). Unfortunately his idiot opponent failed to make weight, so Ward’s super middleweight title is not on the line. Still, a win tonight and Ward can start thinking about a real challenge against Genady Golovkin…that would be a great fight to see.
Proof I no longer follow boxing…I have no idea who Ward or Golovkin are. I’ll just assume they’re both Dutch.
The last time FSU talked about boxing I ended up watching a guy die. Sad face.
Was the guy Dutch? If so don’t worry, they’re like Highlanders, they can only die if Christopher Lambert cuts their head off.
Another dominating victory by Andre Ward. The boxing experts all seem to agree that there’s no one who poses a challenge to Ward right now in the 168-pound weight class. Someone like Golovkin could move up from 160, or Ward could move up to light heavyweight at 175. Or he could just keep cashing easy paychecks every six months or so.
Coming up next I’ll be posting a 47,000 word preview of my upcoming book on the career of Amy Grant.
I tried out to be the new host of This Old House…at the start of each episode I just told the people to buy a new house so I didn’t get the gig.
So where are all the posts about the Charlotte Bobcats?
My French Onion Soup Recipe…
1. Grab a Frenchman, don’t worry he’ll quickly surrender.
2. Have said Frenchman cook you some French Onion Soup.
So…Chaka Khan or the Dutch?
Why not both?
I have to say this is kind of a lousy game thread so far.
Your Phil Collins Trivia Question of the Day…
Phil has written a book about?
A. Hair care products
B. Being in the band Brand X
3. The Alamo
4. His love of Chaka Khan
Im going to go with Chaka Khan
Little known fact…Phenylketonurics contains Phenylalanine.
Oh, who am I kidding? Everybody knows that fact.
Well, we need to drive traffic so I guess I better start talking about golf.
I lost a dear friend last week…he committed suicide by Coke and Pop Rocks.
My posts in today’s lounge make more sense if you read them in the combined voices of Ed Begley Sr. and Ed Begley Jr.
Jr reads the tenor part while Sr carries the bass.
Together they make Begley magic.
You’d think a Saturday afternoon in November would be one of the busier days on an A’s related baseball blog.
its only been afternoon for 12 minutes. give it some time
Fair point…I’m expecting a huge rush of Eric Sogard related posts within the next hour or so.
like you know who eric sogard is
pfft…he’s a guy who is uh…named Eric Sogard. Oh, and I’m not totally sure he’s a guy but I figure I have a 50/50 shot.
So where are all the posts about Thomas Kinkade paintings?
Dead. Sexy.
This picture will haunt my dreams for the rest of my life.
If you folks want I can start posting play by play of the Kentucky vs Vanderbilt football game.
one side is getting charged with rape, the other sexual battery
Hey…Vanderbilt is the Harvard of the South. I think we can skip the charges and just call them guilty.
Who’da thunk two of the best games this afternoon would be the Duke game and the Stanford game?
pfft…my Jayhawks won today which means 6 more weeks of winter.
Wow, how did that happen? We have 0-7 Cal at 0-6 Colorado. Fortunately DirecTV does not carry the channel and I’m not tempted to go to a sports bar to endure that atrocity.
The powerful Jayhawks beat the clearly down on their luck West Virginia squad in a Big XII game that will be remember forever. We now stand at 3-7 so I’m expecting a BCS Bowl bid.
I watched the Kansas-Duke hoops game this week, that Wiggins kid might even live up to the hype. Both those teams looked very good. Carolina, not so much, at least yet.
Ah…hoops season or as KU fans like to call it the sports season we actually care about.
I almost want Duke to make an improbable run to the ACC’s BCS berth, just so I can see them lose by 80 points on the national stage.
I could have gone to Duke if I was smarter and had more money.
Anyone can go to Duke. They have tons of visitor parking.
They’d be killed by FSU in the ACC championship game first; no chance of a BCS slot.
I have no idea when I last watched a Duke home game. Possibly never. That “stadium” looks like it’s straight out of the 1950s, what happens when your team hasn’t won more than 3 games in about 40 years. There are high schools in Texas that have way better stadiums.
Duke can’t compete in football…they spend all their athletic budget on correcting the spelling of Mike Kryzewski’s name on official Duke documents.
I think the accomplishment I’m most proud of is designing the Healthcare.gov website.
You know people don’t say easy peasy enough anymore.
just wait 3 years. you will hear it enough.
Three years? Christopher Lambert has tracked me down so I’ll likely be dead by then.
Brian: Ah, it’s Christopher Lambert
Christopher Lambert: I’m here to kill you…so we’ll start and easy peasy you die.
I smell a Tony with this kind of dialogue.
The worst part about going bald is now everyone can see my 666 birthmark.
you have almost 700 birthmarks?
Yeah, but I’m Dutch so you can hardly see them.
My favorite horror movie is either The Exorcist or Dude, Where’s My Car?
Fever Pitch.
When I saw that movie I just turned the sound off and pretended Drew Barrymore was flirting with me.
I can’t decided if I should invest the college fund in Eastman Kodak or Montgomery Ward’s stock?
Polaroid.
I hear it’s all the rage with the youngsters.
Like most kids I grew up wanting to be like the mighty Sheriff Lobo.
Dear Lou Gramm,
You probably would stop having all those problems with Double Vision if you refrained from drinking rubbing alcohol.
Best wishes, Guy who once bought a Foreigner album.
I’m going to plan ahead and just announce now that JJ Abrams ruined my childhood with the next Star Wars movie.
This post was brought to you by The Foundation of People Who Need to Get A Life.
My main fetish involves compressed air, pleather and the sweet musical stylings of Miss Tammy Wynette.
I know what you’re thinking…the guy has been gone two months and this is the best stuff he can come up with? In my defense I’ve been really busy so I haven’t been able to do the hours of research I normally do before I begin to post on Free Kraut.
Here’s my how to roast a chicken recipe…
1. Grab a Frenchman, don’t worry he’ll quickly surrender.
2. Have him go to the supermarket and pick up a roasted chicken from the deli.
***SPOILER ALERT***
The movie Thor 2: This Beard is Made for Love is not actually about Timothy Geithner as was speculated by many.
Hey, hey LBJ how many nachos did you eat today?
So where are all the posts about Mork & Mindy?
I can’t decide if I should get in line now or wait a week to get my tickets for The Hobbit 2: These Big Feet Were Made For Love
I’ll probably just do what I did for the last one and sell one of my kids for tickets.
Actually I never saw the first Hobbit movie…I’ve actually kissed a girl…oh, sick burn you losers!
This post just took my milk money and gave me a wedgie.
I have to say the new mustache is coming in nicely…two or three more years and the part in the middle might even fill out.
Posting to myself on FK actually reminds me of my childhood, when I would sit alone in my bedroom, and post on my Commodore 64 about the adventures of Chaka Khan and Christopher Lambert. Poor Sheriff Lobo never could quite catch them…probably because he was Dutch.
I would like to apologize today for all my offensive comments about the Dutch…perhaps I could take them out to dinner and pay half as a way to make up for it.
Bumper sticker spotted in Central California: “If it ain’t Dutch, it ain’t much.”
That guy is a poet…I wonder if he know it?
I should have left you comments pending!
That would have been the smart play.
I haven’t gone back and read the Lounges I missed so I’ll just assume that most of the posts were about Erectile Dysfunction.
isn’t everything about E.D?
Well, I did mention I’m now 40 so yes, it increasingly is about E.D.
***BREAKING NEWS***
This just in at our news desk…Brian is folding the laundry. We’ll keep you updated on this fast breaking story. We now send you back to your regularly scheduled programming.
My hatred for the Dutch goes back to an apple pie incident involving compressed air, pleather and the sweet musical stylings of Miss Tammy Wynette.
Where are all the posts about Tears for Fears?
I’m really starting to think my Worcestershire Sauce addiction is going to cost me every thing I hold dear in this life.
I think this new plan works…I just stop by every couple of months do a couple hundred posts about Chaka Khan and then leave you fine folks alone again for a while.
The man thing I hate about the Dutch is they aren’t street like my people the Swedish are.
what about the fin’s or Norwegians?
I’m not sure I get confused by pale blonde people with universal health care.
..and if you had Brian would make a typo about man/main in the 4:00 pm CST hour you win a year’s supplies of Ranch Corn Nuts.
Oh and Brian.Only…I guess you aren’t the only Brian now! Pretty clearly you’re still the best Brian however.
The things I’m for…
Casual fit khakis, casual lesbianism and casual entertainment.
The things I’m against…
Casual fit jeans, casual Protestantism and casual Fridays.
Anyone want to go bobbing for apples?
Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean no one actually cares enough to be out to get you.
Coming up next we talk about Jonathan Franzen’s early work as a Guns & Ammo writer.
What is the book you tell people you’ve actually read that you haven’t?
the penal code
Okay, that answer can’t be beat so once again Ed wins.
I saw that porno.
How’d you like it? It was my directorial debut.
Where are all the posts about Omar Bradley?
Wow…this new guy, Brian sure does post a lot…he’s really kind of ruining the blog if you ask me.
Bed’sBrian’s comments about football coaches coaching football players to make great football plays to win football games will make more sense if you read them in the wonderful voice of U$C football coach Ed Orgeron.He is a bit of a caricature as a football coach who coaches football to football players who play football.
The best part about using my real name is now I can re-use all the best Bed stuff and no one will notice…(phone rings) Ye-llo…ah, so there is no good Bed material…uh-huh…right…sure, sure I understand…(puts down phone) Okay, I’m on my own.
Yello? they are swiss, i think. You sure you want to allign yourself that way?
Well…I am the original Swiss Miss.
FK traffic is suddenly up like 1000%.
The power of CHAKA KHAN!
I feel for you.
Finally someone gives a proper response.
Prince wants you to know he felt it first and now challenges you to a game of basketball.
Perhaps Bed will Tell Us Something Good
Win!
huh. the wiki page on that song doesn’t list its best cover.
Like most people I get most of my political news from reading the bathroom walls at Kansas truck stops…it’s also where I make most of my dates.
I see these ads on ESPN for a dating site, “FarmersOnly.com”. Is that legit or am I being lured into downloading viruses? I haven’t had the guts to check.
FarmersOnly.com…come for the sheep stay for the wool.
Its real, I know a guy who signed up for it.
I just found out a gig my Go-Go’s cover band had booked has been cancelled…damn, and I’ve been working so hard on my Belinda.
Fifty Shades of Gray: My Life as Governor of California by Gray Davis.
Fifty Shades of Gray: A Guide to Advanced Darkroom Techniques by Ansel Adams
Freekraut.net…Come for the Ansel Adams based humor stay for the wool.
As if anything can top photography humor.
It’s really second only to proctology humor.
That first S should be a W, no?
[pause] [pause] [pause]
hee!
We are not amused.
My name is Gray Davis and I’m here to chew bubble gum and kick ass…and I’m all out of bubble gum.
Boy that epic battle between Matt McGloin and Case Kenum tomorrow is why people love NFL football.
Sing us a song you’re the Candyman…sing us a song tonight…when people say your name five times they tend to die…so sing us a song Candyman we’re all in the mood for a homicide tonight.
I don’t care who plays me in the movie of my life as long as they aren’t Dutch.
I want you to play me.
Finally…a role that will get me my Oscar!
You’ll have to wear brown face, you pale FKer.
I’m very excited to announce my new coffee table book of Jimmy Carter nudes will go on sale on Black Friday.
“My goodness,” I thought to myself. “That certainly is a lot of posts in a November lounge. Either Bed is back or there is some sweet, sweet meta happening in there.”
Hmm…I guess all I need to do is start a meta war and we’ll have the best of both worlds.
Oz…yo Mama wears combat boots…although to be fair she looks quite fetching in them.
My mother wears orthopedic shoes, I’ll have you know.
I figured meta and hadn’t considered that someone named Brian, who was pretending to be Bed had joined. He does kinda seem like Bed, just two months balder and more mature.
Holy shit, the last few minutes of the Georgia-Auburn game have been incredible, and the (possibly) game winning play on 4th and 18 is the play of the year, bar none.
If I were a Georgia alum, I probably would’ve burned down my house after that play.
Quick someone say something clever or I’ll shoot Gene Wilder.
I’m at this moment reading an article about “the Willie Wonka of weed.” Does that count?
We’ll ask the judges.
If you’re more in the mood for a comprehensive analysis of the McRib from a Lacanian perspective, The Atlantic has you covered.
Ah, The Atlantic…it’s one of the magazines I subscribe to but never have time to read.
***BREAKING NEWS***
We have learned that Young Frankenstein star Gene Wilder has not, I repeat not been shot by a crazed, bald Arkansan. Mr. Wilder has been set free and is in stable condition.
And now a Haiku…
Uh…can someone tell me what a Haiku is?
Bless you. Bless you.
What is a haiku?
Can anyone clue me in?
I’m lost and confused
Rolling Stone’s Taibbi
Has the knowledge which you seek
Hilariously
Your Andre the Giant Trivia Question of the Day?
Andre the Giant once drank 47 beers in a sitting at?
1. In the locker room before the main event of WrestleMania III
2. At a club after a Brand X concert
3. The Alamo
4. Actually he did this most nights.
What the hell is this Eminem nonsense?
The world has been asking that question for years.
Do they not have a line of scrimmage camera at the coliseum? These camera angles are horrible.
I can’t wait for the 13/13/13 Lounge.
This lounge promises snuggling but so far I’ve just gotten in some light spooning with the dog.
I’m skimming some of the earlier posts…looks like November has been a wee bit slow here on Free Kraut…I blame Bob Geren.
Your Arkansas Weather Update…
It actually is by golly MUGGY here in November. I’m in my shorts and I’m going shirtless…some damn fine back hair if you ask me.
Where my parents live there are no free muni tennis courts. the high school courts are locked up. part of the problem with orange county
Can’t have elitism without exclusivity.
What’s your favorite smell?
boobs, what else
Smells like … victory.
I wish you guys could follow me around at work just once. Today someone said she’d been pregnant for the past 11 months.
Let’s see…carry the 1…add the 4…okay, I’m pretty sure she’s carrying either a rhino or one the those alien things that Sigourney Weaver likes to kill.
the other day a guy who likes to sling shit at guards (allegedly) tried to push me over in court.
I had to run out of the courtroom so the bailiffs didn’t corner me to try to make me file a police report
Uh…well, let’s see. I helped in the creation of some documents about the needed school budget in some of the school districts in Central Arkansas…well, not really I actually don’t get to do stuff that dangerous and cool.
I went to get a lady out of her ride and she went limp and stopped breathing. She was 4’9″ and ~300 lbs. I shit my pants. Thought I was gonna have to drag her out of the car and start CPR in the parking lot. With her family watching. I sternal rubbed her. Nothing. I checked her pulse and she grasped and started breathing again. I ended up dragging her from the truck. I felt like Hulk.
did you paint yourself green?
I have a thing for green women…it plays into my Captain Kirk fantasy.
Which also allows me to talk with dramatic pauses and secretly long for quiet dinners with Dr. McCoy.
I have proof that Captain Kangaroo never rose past the rank of Lieutenant.
I look forward to your 60 Minutes report.
I got my source from Laura “Bottle Blonde” Logan so I know I have the story dead to rights.
http://newsfeed.time.com/2013/06/24/cereal-liars-capn-crunch-and-9-other-fake-military-titles/photo/portrait-of-bob-keeshan-as-captain-kangaroo-2/
I wear my sunglasses at night but only when I’m doing some Ray Charles cosplay.
that doesn’t sound preppy
Being preppy takes too much time…my look is more ragged middle aged dad these day.
I actually liked that song.
cuz you used to model for j crew?
Well, I had to pay the bills somehow…it was either that or become a lawyer.
Let's see if I've finally figured out how to post video.
Nope.
How hard can this be?
Okay, how would I post a video from YouTube?…in a related question what is YouTube?
click “share” then “embed” then type a number like 300 in the blank box next to the video size line and next to the drop down menu that says “custom size”
you can do it. i believe in you!
I’m working on it.
then copy the long string of letters and numbers in the box that has a long string of letters and numbers, then paste here
My third nipple is getting itchy…that usually means rain…or that I haven’t bathed recently.
I have discovered Bed’s true identity:
If I was a Simpson’s character Krusty the Clown would be a solid choice.
Where are the posts about The Steve Miller Band?
they keep slipping into the future
http://www.youtube.com/embed/1pkVLqSaahk” frameborder=”0″ allowfullscreen>
Well, I posted the link but not the video.
I tell you what another six to seven years and I’m going to have this shit down.
terrifying
Okay, to hell with that Brian guy.
Oh baby…moderate me!…yes, Yes, YEs, YES!…MODERATION!
glad you’re back. there was this “brian” guy trying to be like you.
He was really bad at it.
Well, I really did forget the password to my last account but I just figured out I could still use the Bed name as my screen nickname so boom..easy peasy and Bed and the donkey are back.
As I await moderation I would like to get something off my chest…ah…that feels better…that training bra was a bit pinchey in the back.
I had another great 2-300 posts about Chaka Kahn that I was going to make but the darn moderation bug got me…your loss, America…your loss.
Dear moderation person…I’m sorry I’m giving you extra work…thanks for putting up with me.
I don’t know who that Brian guy is but he stole my donkey and many of my jokes…he is kind of sexy though.
Can I post in the Lounge from a Play Station 4 or an Intellivision?
If so I say we turn the Lounge into a MMO/RPG extravaganza.
you know what I hate, is talking to people in jail when they constantly refer to GTA, “its not a GTA, That wasn’t GTA” they say, and all I can think is “you are charged with 10851, what the hell is GTA?”
You need to deal with a better class of criminals, Ed…have you thought about getting into politics?
Why did you just contradict yourself?
I’m watching SNL for the first time this season…painful so far.
The Weekend Update had a couple of good moments especially during the second half…and I’ve gotten to see Lady Gaga in at least five different wigs which has been a lifetime goal of mine.
ok nerds!
Something I have wondered since bend it like beckham* came out, what does one do to a ball to make it do this?
*because that was the first time in my life I knew what soccer skills were
Oh good I’ve been wondering when we were going to have some Keira Knightley based soccer talk here on Free Kraut.
I’m starting to run out of steam…getting moderated twice in one day will take a lot out of you.
Next time you moderate me FK could you start with just the tip and use a bit more lube?
I guess I’m a bad person because Daniel Tosh makes me laugh…his show in 5 minutes has been better than an hour of SNL. His stuff is borderline evil but funny. I wish I could come up with some of the stuff he does. This explains why he’s on TV and I live in Arkansas.
..and since I know you were all dying to know the answer…yes, Phil Collins actually did write a book about The Alamo and no, I haven’t bought the rights to it to make into a one man play starring me as Phil Collins writing a book about The Alamo.
Well, I didn’t over post too much today…but I tell you what this Brian bastard just wouldn’t shut up.
Goodnight
I will see you again in…
A. Hours
B. Days
C. Weeks
D. Months
E. Years
F. Decades
G. Centuries
H. Whatever you call a thousand years
I. uh…what’s after a thousand?
J. When sirbed gets out of that Mexican jail.
K. When Bridget the Midget lets me out of the dungeon again
L. When the night comes
M. When I finish my Amy Grant book
N. When the second kid is born
O. After my Go-Go’s cover band ends their world tour
P. I’m done with my PhD
Q. Ed gets me off death row
R. Jennifer gets that IV out of my foot
S. Natalie Portman moves in to become the Nanny
T. Oz takes me joy riding in a Subaru
U. Kay teaches me how to do pleather play the right way
V. (insert something semi-clever here)
W. I finally figure out what the hell VORP is
X. The Raiders win the Super Bowl
Y. My hair grows back
Z. I become the lead singer of Coldplay
T.: Call me.
i always want chaka khan to be a technicolor cinemascope epic about the forming of the zulu nation and how it revenged the enterprise with spears. then again, i always wonder when the yello magic electric light orchestral manoeuvers in the dark angel will let their artistic differences aside and finally become a suprgroup.
speaking of technicolor. (visual nerds only.)
somebody put a lot of work into that
exactly (how you can tell it wasn’t me). i do get inspired by the colors of movies once in a while, but i just don’t have carry through to do something with it less than obliquely and more than once.
Today’s the 45th anniversary of The Heidi Game! Most of the nation gets switched to the movie Heidi and missed the Raiders score two TDs in last 1:05 to beat Namath’s Jets.
They had television back then?
Aieeee!!!!
my god he looks like a skeleton. and his dad
they get rudy giuliani in there and it’s the unholy triuvirate of the upside-down smilers.
Ok, seriously is he the worst dressed and coiffed man in football, or in all of sports?
New desktop wallpaper!
Two guys not as good as their dad.
I too am frightened by Cushing’s Disease.
doink
Rashad Jennings plows through Swearinger, Houston cocksucker!
The Houston Texans – a team so bad, even the Raiders can beat them.
Ugh, Jabari Greer.
I’m racking my brain to remember the last time the Raiders had a goal line type stand at the end of game that they actually pulled off…it feels like it’s been awhile. I would like to thank awful head coach Gary Kubiak for bringing Matt Schaub into the game for the Texans.
Well, I thought we’d go 3-13 so I’m very happy to be wrong and see us get that 4th win…and yes, I know I’m using us and we a lot considering I’m not actually on the team. Kudos to FSU…you were right and I was wrong.
As far as the 49ers go…that team just isn’t moving the ball much right now. The receivers really struggle to create space. They’ll probably win 10 games or so looking at the schedule but unless they can get the offense going it’s hard to imagine them winning the Super Bowl this year.
Niners playcalling is crap
Thanks, and go As.
It’s very conservative that’s for sure…they don’t challenge the defenses much at all.
and needlessly complicated, leading to burning time outs for nothing because they can’t do 18 motions and the riverdance before getting the snap off
Thanks, and go As.
I imagine it’s been a frustrating season so far for Niner fans. I know a lot of you had high hopes. I had such low expectations for my team that I’ve actually enjoyed the year despite the 4-6 record.
I knew it was going to suck when Crabtree got hurt but they’ve just played BAD in a lot of games.
Thanks, and go As.
I’ve seen three 49ers games so far this year, and they’ve lost all three, so I have yet to see them play that well.
I don’t care that much whether they win 4 or 7 games, I just wanted a team that didn’t get embarrassed on the field most weeks. McKenzie and Allen get my praise for having accomplished that. The Wins are great, but the not-sucking-horribly part is what means something to me.
Just Don’t Get Embarrassed, Baby.
I think Allen has them playing hard so I’m fine with him. McKenzie needs to have a good draft next year or I’m out on him.
Hell, they have an outside, somewhat unrealistic, but legitimate chance at making the playoffs.
FK YEAH IOWA STATE
Every time I come around there are less and less people here…I sure hope the place doesn’t totally die off.
it won’t. this particular playoiffs was lonely. people got out of teh habit. it’ll pick up
Well, I hope you’re right. Even though I’m not around much I would miss the site.
this lounge has 400 comments! (don’t look at who made them)
Heh…I enjoy doing the silly random posts thing but it’s more fun for everybody when there’s more interaction.
Right now you, Jennifer, Oz and FSU are keeping this boat afloat.
No matter what happens I’ve had a lot of fun these past few years yakking with you folks.
I haven’t been around much lately either. I need to work on that.
Chiefs are going to go 13-3 and lose their first playoff game by 10 points…they’re a paper tiger.
Yep.
Deep down I have to think John Elway and the other Broncos executives feel stupid on game day mornings when they have to choose one of the uniformly hideous orange ties from their closet.
The easy fix is don’t wear a suit to a football game…I want Elway to feel stupid though so we’ll keep the ties for the Broncos.
So you’re saying, sartorially speaking, that Mark Davis has the right idea.
He’s styling and profiling.
Nothing says “Take me seriously” like a bowl haircut and fun jeans.
Orange is one of the most beautiful colors in the rainbow.
Shitty day. Niners lose, I score the second most points in my fantasy league… and lose.
Niners are going to be lucky to make the playoffs, and I’m starting to wonder whether Crabtree will really make a difference.
They’ll get in. The rest of the schedule is too easy for them to miss a wild card spot.
Kaep is playing bad, but honestly if Gore catches that ball then the Niners win that game, if the Brooks sack/forced fumble isn’t called wrong, they win, but they’re not getting any breaks and Greg Roman’s playcalling is utter crap.
Thanks, and go As.
If that ball wasn’t thrown behind Gore, Gore catches that ball. Unless I’m thinking of a different one.
It was a smidge underthrown but it hit him in the hands. He catches that 99/100 times.
Thanks, and go As.
look at brees’s eyes. then I dare you to look away.
That’s awfully rosy, imo. Close calls went both ways (like that saints INT-touchback that looked awfully like down-by-contact to me (and also should have been a TD, dude just dropped it).
I’m also not sure it’s all on Roman. Kaep seems to be missing a lot of open passes, which is partly on him and partly on pass blocking. I’m not sure we can even beat average teams the way we are looking right now.
And the Sharks got their asses kicked, too.
I am looking forward to the “Matt McGloin will save us all” stories this week. He looked good, and I’m rooting for him but I try not to get too excited about one game.
Three radio stations here started playing Christmas music 24/7 on November 1st…I’m pretty sure the FCC should pull their licenses.
anybody els unable to look away from the van damm volvo commercial?
It’s an amazing video.
Isn’t he like 65?
Anytime the Chiefs play the Broncos I root for a natural disaster.
All those tornadoes today, and not one could hit the right spot…
Okay, whoever is the last person in the lounge tonight please turn off the lights before you leave.
Sitting in the dark with no pants is too much like my home life.
full moon happiness! wishing you all Lakshmi’s abundance.
<3
I do really like Padma, it’s true.
thank you