A polymer coated stabilized ballyard product: DLD 092509 ← FREE KRAUT!

A polymer coated stabilized ballyard product: DLD 092509 80

25 Sep 2009  |  monkeyball  |The Grill

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  1. I have to say I’ve never been especially impressed by any of the entries in this series, but the current one is at least … diverting for the baseball-inclined
  2. I think we all knew this already
  3. All Teams Are The Same, Chapter LXI (Rich Harden Is Always The Same division)
  4. Uh … what?
  5. JKAOTM:

    the nitwit Chuck Grassley

  6. Jon Kyl was spanked as a child
  7. Progress
  8. Maybe Scott McClellan will chew on this guy’s leg in the after life
  9. More euphemisms:

    a declaration of interest

    (From the same source: “filling out the paperwork.” And of course I’m reminded of this: “He’s taken. A. Interest!”)

    Backing female submariners

    Revealing the secret Iranian nuclear facility

Souse!

you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come

80 thoughts on “A polymer coated stabilized ballyard product: DLD 092509”

  1. mk Sep 25,2009 11:12 am

    Wow, Cahill’s stats really are similar to Lannan’s. Lannan has beaten his FIP (and his tRA! I am on fire with the acronyms!) over the course of 400+ innings now – are we allowed to call it a skill yet?

    • monkeyball Sep 25,2009 11:16 am || Up

      A replacement-class hero is something to be

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  2. monkeyball Sep 25,2009 12:00 pm
    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • nevermoor Sep 25,2009 12:42 pm || Up

      Sadly, Sue Yoo has moved on to greener pastures.

      "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
  3. monkeyball Sep 25,2009 12:18 pm

    I remain a fan of Law & Order

    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  4. mk Sep 25,2009 1:11 pm

    At ImHalal.com, if a Muslim (or, hey, even a non-Muslim) types in “threesome” or “pork rind”, he’ll be shielded from the highly sinful search results:

    The search engine was set up by a Dutch company in an attempt to enable Muslims to “safely” surf the Web without accidentally encountering sinful, or “haraam,” material. The site is being billed as the first of its kind in the world.

    ImHalal.com works like any other search engine until users search for “forbidden” — potentially illicit — words. The site then rates the user’s search request from one to three on a “haraam scale,” indicating the likelihood that the term will generate salacious material.

    But … won’t this only work on spectacularly naive Muslims? The ones who don’t know about Google? Will ImHalal.com really be an impediment to enterprising Muslim teenagers who wish to “accidentally encounter” naked people doing various immoral things on the Internet?

    Also, I think they need to expand their illicit keyword database:

    • salb918 Sep 25,2009 1:18 pm || Up

      threesome
      pork rind
      women’s rights

      That oughta knock us off their search results

      • Leopold Bloom Sep 25,2009 2:03 pm || Up

        don’t forget big steaming cocks fucking clowns.

    • monkeyball Sep 25,2009 1:56 pm || Up

      I’mHaLOL

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  5. the dogfather Sep 25,2009 1:27 pm

    9.

    Sorry, but this is utter bullshit. American professors have relationships with students *all the time*. And no one ever loses their job over it. Giving credence to these fantasies about American professors being fired for dating students just reinforces the whole PC thought-police myth.

    I wonder where that clown professes. I can say that at li’l ol’ GGU, we sign and initial a no-diddling-the-kids provision in our teaching Ks. No doubt it still occurs, given biology, abuse of power and/or mutual opportunism, but I believe it’s by relatively rare exception. Besides, most academics are difficult enough to look at, fully clothed.

    The meaning of life is not so much found, as it is Made. -- Opus
    • Leopold Bloom Sep 25,2009 2:13 pm || Up

      It happened at both universities I attended. The two universities I remember, anyway. I’m not sure about the other one/two.

  6. xbhaskarx Sep 25,2009 1:37 pm

    Can you reveal something that is already known by the people you were hiding the information from? I guess so, but it’s not quite the same.

    According to Strobe Talbott’s excellent book on the subject, the US intelligence community was completely unaware preparations were being made when India tested five nuclear devices in 1998, even though rumors had been published a few days earlier in a Canadian Sikh newspaper. The CIA found out about it from the State Department, which found out from CNN.
    (Razr’s dad was the Indian equivalent of chief of staff at the time of the tests, and the two share a name and birthday)


    Coen Brothers Want John Turturro To Get Old For ‘Barton Fink’ Sequel, ‘Old Fink’
    They have mentioned this before, I think it’s probably just a joke.

    • monkeyball Sep 25,2009 1:59 pm || Up

      {adds “walking into the PM’s room without an appointment” to euphemism directory}

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • mikeA Sep 25,2009 2:03 pm || Up

      That reminds me of the almost-interesting fact that Warren Christopher is extremely short. Nearly as short as Robert Reich. Also very very short: David Brooks.

      • xbhaskarx Sep 25,2009 2:22 pm || Up

        Caspar Weinberger is also rather short. I found myself walking next to him through the SF airport once and asked him about the situation in North Korea (dominated the headlines that day, I forget exactly what it was). He was very friendly but had nothing particularly interesting to say.

        • Leopold Bloom Sep 25,2009 2:23 pm || Up

          Did you ask him how his name is so familiarly phallic and yet in no way mentions penis?

        • mikeA Sep 25,2009 2:24 pm || Up

          he didn’t say “don’t worry, we’re building that missile shield”?

        • monkeyball Sep 25,2009 2:31 pm || Up

          Also short, and also confirmed in person at SFO: Joe Lieberman.

          you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • monkeyball Sep 25,2009 2:08 pm || Up

      One of Old Fink’s students would have to be Gavin Rae.

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  7. salb918 Sep 25,2009 1:41 pm

    In the American university culture, there’s only a few ways you can lose your job once tenured, including disagreeing with the Bush administration, or shagging one of your students.

    Ridiculous. Not only is it a non-sequitir inserted solely for the purpose of taking a cheap shot at the Bush administration, it’s also so laughably false as to make me question the writer’s sanity. Does he have that much of a political axe to grind that parenthetically throws in statements that are quite literally the opposite of truth?

    • monkeyball Sep 25,2009 2:03 pm || Up

      I think he’s probably referring (imprecisely to the point of inaccuracy) to Grand Asshat Ward Churchill.

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
      • salb918 Sep 28,2009 7:20 am || Up

        Highly inaccurate.

        Unrelated:

        On April 1, 2009, a Colorado jury found that Churchill had been wrongly fired, but awarded only $1 in damages.[6] As one of the jurors said later in a press interview, “it wasn’t a slap in his face or anything like that when we didn’t give him any money. It’s just that [Churchill’s attorney] David Lane kept saying this wasn’t about the money, and in the end, we took his word for that.”

        LOL.

  8. nevermoor Sep 25,2009 1:55 pm

    The chief administrator’s article “was a lot of crap, all conjecture and no concrete evidence.”

    "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
  9. the dogfather Sep 25,2009 2:00 pm

    Is “Revealing the secret Iranian nuclear facility” a euphemism for “a broken link?” Is that the joke?

    The meaning of life is not so much found, as it is Made. -- Opus
    • xbhaskarx Sep 25,2009 2:24 pm || Up

    • monkeyball Sep 25,2009 2:27 pm || Up

      Gah. Fixed. Link isn’t interesting, anyway.

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  10. mikeA Sep 25,2009 2:00 pm

    this is the most insufferable article I have ever read. Every sentence was carefully crafted to annoy the fuck out of me.
    But I did like this:

    Among my friends, [my husband] is famous for his sensitivity and his rejection of stereotypical male attributes.

    And this:

    Nico grabbed a jug of milk off the kitchen counter and lodged the cap firmly in his mouth. I jumped off my chair and grabbed the jug out of his mouth, dislodging the cap and spilling milk down his face and shirt. “I wet!” he cried.

    While I still have the chance, I’m going to go to game armed with the counter-cheer: “Bobby, you are lacking in stereotypical male attributes!”

    • monkeyball Sep 25,2009 2:18 pm || Up

      Jesus fucking christ. It goes on for FOUR MORE PAGES? Fuck that shit, homey.

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
      • andeux Sep 25,2009 2:23 pm || Up

        That was pretty much my exact reaction (minus the “homey” part) when I started to read it a couple of days ago.

        TINSTAAFK
    • monkeyball Sep 25,2009 2:19 pm || Up

      And really, you have no one but yourself to blame for voluntarily reading a yuppie-confessional feature in the EBE.

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
      • mikeA Sep 25,2009 2:22 pm || Up

        I knew I would hate it, but I can’t put down stuff that I hate that much, and anyway there I was eating lunch and I needed to read something… there’s only so many times you can read the same article over and over by the crazy dude who runs the Guardian…

    • Leopold Bloom Sep 25,2009 2:21 pm || Up

      okay, I’m taking donations to make that last excerpt my new sig line on AN.

    • monkeyball Sep 25,2009 4:03 pm || Up

      … still I can’t tell if I’m cooking any of this correctly, because I’m crying too hard and I have never really cooked anything before.

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  11. whiteshoes40 Sep 25,2009 2:34 pm

    Harden becomes a free agent, and it’s unlikely the Cubs will offer more than a one-year deal. He said he wants to return, and “pitching in Chicago was the best thing to happen to me.”

    Oh, Rich. That hurts. Didn’t we have some good times? Have you forgotten us already?

    Sigh.

  12. monkeyball Sep 25,2009 2:53 pm

    All Teams Are Not The Same

    It’s just been a good year for first basemen.

    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  13. JediLeroy Sep 25,2009 3:40 pm
    az di bobe volt gehat beytsim volt zi geven mayn zeyde
    • monkeyball Sep 25,2009 3:56 pm || Up

      Well, that sure sounded good; I wondered if rice biriyani the President could really fulfill that pledge. But Tradeitor Joebama’s “do-it-all” message was eerily familiar. It reminded me of my mother in the 1980s, when magazines showed yuppie moms in crocodile pumps and shoulder-padded blazers on their march to investment banks, advertising agencies, and real estate offices.

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • the dogfather Sep 25,2009 4:00 pm || Up

      That’s reminiscent of last year’s well-intended field trip to teacher’s gay wedding, in terms of inciting the fringers.

      The meaning of life is not so much found, as it is Made. -- Opus
      • monkeyball Sep 25,2009 4:15 pm || Up

        The last time I “took a well-intended field trip to teacher’s gay wedding,” it “incited my fringers” and I “got my Ralph’s Club card revoked.”

        you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  14. mk Sep 25,2009 4:08 pm

    5. Screw it. I’m going full-on utopian.

    • monkeyball Sep 25,2009 4:16 pm || Up

      In Soviet Union, full-on utopian screws it and goes you

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  15. nevermoor Sep 25,2009 4:18 pm

    I don’t know what to think about this. I certainly wouldn’t mind a world without tipping, but I don’t trust that it wouldn’t just wind up screwing the servers.

    "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
    • JediLeroy Sep 25,2009 4:22 pm || Up

      There’s no tipping in Japan, and it’s great. I got my hair cut the other day, and got an awesome shave + neck/towel treatment + shampoo for about the same price that I would’ve paid for a regular hair cut in the ‘States.

      Restaurants are way more expensive out here. At least I don’t have to tip. And the service is generally as good or better, in my experience.

      az di bobe volt gehat beytsim volt zi geven mayn zeyde
    • monkeyball Sep 25,2009 4:22 pm || Up

      A flat, government-mandated fee will eliminate innovation in the busboy sector!

      < / McMegan >

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • monkeyball Sep 25,2009 4:24 pm || Up

      I’d be all for a world without tipping.

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • andeux Sep 25,2009 4:36 pm || Up

      1. The rest of the world (and the servers therein) seems to survive without it.

      2. The custom of tipping in restaurants is kind of pointless, but most people are used to it, and I think waiters and customers have generally similar expectations. But I still have no idea how much (and sometimes whether) to tip barbers, cabbies, doormen, etc.

      3. For people who are regulars in a bar, the big tips for occasional free drinks quid pro quo can be quite beneficial. Though not for the owners, i suppose.

      4. I generally agree with the reasoning from a reader at the end of the article:

      Restaurants need to offer staff a fair wage & benefits, and the staff can decide if the wage is acceptable on its own merits. Customers, in turn, need to know that the prices on the menu reflect the additional overhead incurred by the restaurant, and not complain about how expensive everything has become.

      But the earlier reasoning:

      Tipping provides American waiters with an incentive to increase their check average by pushing bottled water, extra courses, expensive entrees and pricey wines and by showing guests the door as soon as they stop chewing.

      doesn’t make sense. As long as the automatic gratuity is still based on a percentage of the bill, these same incentives will still apply (arguably even more so, if there is less downside to annoying the customer).

      TINSTAAFK
      • monkeyball Sep 25,2009 5:12 pm || Up

        I think she’s advocating a flat service charge (hmm, if Steve Forbes likes it, maybe McMegan will) rather than, as you assume, a fixed percentage of the total bill.

        Actually, that spurs me to an interesting observation: from my time waiting and dining, generally the higher the overall tab, the higher the tip. Why, then, if progressive tipping is a free-market solution that has reached social equilibrium, does the same solution/equilibrium not obtain with taxation? (And I think you and I would both argue, contra those who oppose this, that the rich actually do in aggregate enjoy a greater level of service/value-add from government services.)

        you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
        • nevermoor Sep 25,2009 5:21 pm || Up

          Yeah, my sense is that the wait staff would get a fixed (and larger) salary, and menu items would cost more to compensate.

          On the observation, do you mean the percentage goes up? That would probably mean that the richer a person is the more they give sympathy tips to their server (i.e. the “they need it more than I do” theory). If you just mean the gross amount goes up, that’s how taxes work too.

          "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
          • monkeyball Sep 25,2009 5:36 pm || Up

            High-end gastronomic tipping isn’t about pity, but about some combination of genuine service and obsequiousness.

            Personally, I think the jackbooted gubmint thugs should force every person in America to work 2 years front-of-the-house between the ages of 18 and 30.

            you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
            • nevermoor Sep 25,2009 5:38 pm || Up

              I guess you worked at nicer places than I usually go to.

              I think that’s a lower priority than, say, construction on the social good ladder. Of course, the best way to make an entire generation get along is to have WWIII (assuming no nukes).

              "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
              • monkeyball Sep 25,2009 6:01 pm || Up

                Well, the social good I’m after is more ephemeral and qualitative — I think waiting tables is a good character-building exercise, especially for the Manor Born and the Congenital Assholes.

                you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
                • nevermoor Sep 25,2009 11:36 pm || Up

                  And I think working construction would be better. Also, I buy into the theory that people got along so well, even if they disagreed, because that generation fought together.

                  "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
                • mk Sep 26,2009 7:11 am || Up

                  Do you mean to say “white people got along so well with other white people”?

                • nevermoor Sep 26,2009 12:47 pm || Up

                  I was thinking Republicans and Democrats, but yes. Your point is well taken.

                  "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
          • andeux Sep 25,2009 5:36 pm || Up

            It wasn’t clear to me what exactly either author (NYT or Atlantic) was suggesting. The Atlantic article refers to a “flat-rate-based system” and the picture shows a receipt with an automatic 18% gratuity, which is what some restaurants already do. I agree that those incentives would change to some extent if there were a fixed per-diner service fee, and to an even greater extent if their compensation was solely an hourly wage + benefits.

            TINSTAAFK
    • mikeA Sep 25,2009 4:44 pm || Up

      I am against tipping for a variety of reasons. Here is one, although it is probably not much of an effect: friendly/likable/attractive are in good shape–they are “rich” in a certain way if you like–and it is inegalitarian for such people to out-earn their unfriendly/morose/unattractive colleagues.

      • JediLeroy Sep 25,2009 5:08 pm || Up

        I don’t know if I agree re: friendly/unfriendly in a service industry, but I agree re: attractive/unattractive.

        az di bobe volt gehat beytsim volt zi geven mayn zeyde
      • monkeyball Sep 25,2009 5:12 pm || Up

        I feel the same way about prostitutes.

        you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
        • nevermoor Sep 25,2009 5:21 pm || Up

          I feel prostitutes.

          Wait…

          "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
          • JediLeroy Sep 25,2009 5:27 pm || Up

            I love lamp.

            az di bobe volt gehat beytsim volt zi geven mayn zeyde
            • monkeyball Sep 25,2009 5:37 pm || Up

              you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
              • Leopold Bloom Sep 25,2009 11:18 pm || Up

                Was Dennis Lamp in the witness protection program?

  16. Poppy Sep 25,2009 8:28 pm
    There's a wild thing in the woolshed and it's keeping me awake at night.
  17. mikeA Sep 26,2009 3:13 pm

    If anyone needs me, I’ll be hiding in a cave until next Saturday.

  18. monkeyball Sep 26,2009 3:48 pm

    #3 increases competition? Then McMegan must be in favor of it!

    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  19. mikeA Sep 26,2009 7:17 pm

    Barton leads the team in OPS as of right now, among players who are still on the team and have 5 or more PAs…

    • mk Sep 26,2009 8:34 pm || Up

      When Daric Barton sets his mind to becoming a league average first baseman, he simply cannot be stopped.

      • nevermoor Sep 26,2009 10:23 pm || Up

        Except Travis Buck style…

        "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
  20. monkeyball Sep 26,2009 9:30 pm

    BWAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHA

    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  21. mikeA Sep 26,2009 9:37 pm

    Of many things to chose from, the most surprising thing so far is:
    1. Breslow being left in to pitch to Hunter and Vlad in his second inning.
    2. Breslow striking out Hunter and Vlad; Vlad on a called third strike on a fastball down the middle.

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