Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the lounge, where low key talk is done in high definition. So come on in and make all your champagne wishes and caviar dreams come true.
The Lounge where the people all said sit down.Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the lounge, where low key talk is done in high definition. So come on in and make all your champagne wishes and caviar dreams come true. 492 comments to The Lounge where the people all said sit down.Leave a ReplyYou must be logged in to post a comment. |
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…and don’t worry the lounge is still a no pants required establishment.
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This is good to know. However, I thought it was a No Pants ALLOWED establishment.
So is NCIS:LA like NCIS but with bigger boobs?
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Is the hot chick with the tattoos still there?
If not I’ll keep watching American Pickers
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You like hot chicks with tats? You must love Bloom on FB.
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Bloom? Is that a person or something?
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The man, the myth, the legend.
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Well, I guess when I come back around and this site is called freekraut.org that he’s been back….I kid because I care, Bloom…I hope he plays with us again someday.
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I bet he will be.
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I’m glad he has a steady girlfriend, because he’s stumbled over himself and behaved less than honorably too many times trying to get with women and trannies from this site and **.
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Doesn’t everybody?
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Well, yeah.
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No.
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Except you.
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Then yes.
Rules to live by…if your date doesn’t look hot enough by the third drink…keep drinking.
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A couple shots of whiskey, Fayetteville girls start looking good,
I said a couple shots of whiskey, Fayetteville girls start looking good,
A couple more shots of whiskey, I’m going down to Minglewood.
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If you’re going to date an Arkansas girl I’d go with a Fayetteville gal first. By circumstance I’ve actually never dated a woman from Arkansas but I have put some thought into the matter.
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The only woman I know from Arkansas is from Fayetteville, so that’s probably a big enough sample size to have an opinion.
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One look is enough…I call that the Keith Law rule.
I now have something akin to a mancave, except I’m not exactly a man and it’s not exactly a cave.
It’s a spare bedroom, devoid of furniture, with poker and beer signs/lights on one wall and a bunch of really strong eyebolts in the ceiling.
Very multipurpose. I wish there was a Murphy Bed instead of a closet. That would be badass!
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I just tried to google an image of Dudley Moore in Foul Play but came up with nothing :(
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I’ve never gotten around to buying a beer sign. Not so much neon as one of those I saw as a kid in pizza parlors in the 60s, backlit with the little rotating thing inside that made it look like there was a waterfall. Those were usually for Hamms or Oly, maybe Coors.
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Hamm’s Scene-o-Rama! Those are great, but they go for like $500.
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Mine’s an Olympia from the late 70′s or early 80′s. I bought it at the local thrift store for 10 bucks.
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I also have a lot of faces from dead IGN video poker machines.
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I had a backlit Busch clock. Then I got married.
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Hmm… I would think in your case it would be an exception.
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We’ve got a few beer mirrors in my apartment. Bohemia and Molson.
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I have a Guinness one somewhere.
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I have my office in our house which is basically my man cave. Some memorabilia, framed movie posters, a tv on the wall and my big ass desk with my Harry S. Truman bust…it’s Brianville.
Your Arkansas Weather Update…Ice storm coming…Bed likely dead by Thursday.
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It hailed here in Sacramento today, luckily for me just as I reached a light rail shelter overhang.
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Hmm…hail in Sacramento, that’s not a regular event.
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A couple times a year, tops.
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Gosh, I don’t even remember it being that often when I lived there.
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The last few winters have been rather cold. This is the third time it’s hailed this winter as far as I know.
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The last two winters here have been really mild…hmm…it’s like all reverse…I blame Al Gore.
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I bought provisions yesterday in case shit gets bad.
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WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE!
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I just need a cute boy to cuddle with now. Hell, a girl will work, too.
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I don’t like snow but I hate ice storms…I just hope the power lines don’t go down. In few years ago when I was still living in Little Rock there was an ice storm here that had power down for days.
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We were trapped in our house for three days back in 2010 because the snow was so deep. My dad was stuck in town. He taught me how to drive the tractor via cell phone. I got out and plowed the driveway myself so we could get out. A neighbor plowed the road.
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2010 is when we had our big snow storm…it’s also when Miss Hawaii and I fell in love so it’s my favorite snow storm ever…well, except for the car accident, but that actually worked out in the end, really.
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Maybe it was 2011. I just remember not being in nurse classes yet.
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It was 2010…I typed it wrong and just fixed it.
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or I’m losing my mind…it’s 50/50.
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at the same time?
please?
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As long as one of them isn’t you. Sure.
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Harsh.
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Or you.
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Double harsh.
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She’s a masochist. Loves to hurt herself… I mean you.
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It hurts so good.
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k.
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So one of them isn’t MikeV… and the other one is!
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I like the way this guy thinks.
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Damn you.
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Foiled again!
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At least I didn’t go with “one of them isn’t MikeV and one of them isn’t ozz”.
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He couldn’t handle that.
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I mean she.
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So much #Win right there.
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But if you switch your choice half way through the process it increases the odds that it’s MikeV #MontyHall
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winner
From the why the hell not department…I’m about halfway through writing a screenplay. I’m sure it will do about as well as my novel did.
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Good for you.
I’m about halfway through writing a lot of shit I’m never gonna finish. At least you finish stuff.
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Well, the key for me is to work really, really slowly. I write about an hour a day so it’ll take me at least six months to finish. An hour a day is about all I have time for.
There’s some dog on our front lawn barking at our house…someone get my squirt gun.
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and now my dog is barking…it’s like it’s in stereo.
There hasn’t been a real big ice storm since my wife moved out here…if this one is bad I’m guessing she’ll be missing Hawaii in a couple of days.
This lounge is nicely nicely titled.
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Sometimes the titles work and sometimes I use the same bad one more than once.
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Win.
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Says the guy and the doll
I prefer to give out essay questions for work but the only downside is they take longer to grade…I mean I took this gig to get summers off and free sloppy joes at lunch not to actually work.
I’m actually really excited about the upcoming baseball season for the first time in years. Am I wrong to think the A’s have a chance to be as good as last year’s club?
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You’re an A’s fan?
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Marginally.
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Who are the A’s?
So we know that video killed the radio star but who killed the video star? My guess, Colonel Mustard in the study with a candlestick.
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Loria sold it out for a 15% off coupon at SaveMart.
Joe Posnanski seems to be changing jobs every few months…maybe we can get him for the lounge in 2014.
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Of course if I was working for a site with the beyond awful name Sports On Earth I’d want to move on too…also do you really want to share a site with Gwen Knapp?
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He left there already? Huh.
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A couple of weeks ago…perhaps the 213 consecutive stories he did about the hall of fame was too much for them to handle.
All I’m getting tonight are Negative Nancy tag lines.
(Justified Delay)
Hello…Hello…Hello…Hello…hmm, I think there’s an echo in here.
In the end the villain was taken down by Terry Steinbach’s batting helmet. Really, the story couldn’t have ended any other way.
You know you’re getting old when you’re excited at the prospect of getting health insurance.
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pfft…health insurance. I have the entire family eat an apple a day so we’re good.
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I’m sure your 4-tooth baby loves that.
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Hey, if she wants more she can get a job.
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Or start day trading.
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Yep, because that’s always a good idea…if by good idea you mean lose money.
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It works for the e-trade baby. And I know your little girl is smarter than that bastard.
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Those commercials got old about a decade ago.
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Fine. Then have her sell beer while riding a Clydesdale. That’s fresh and new.
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Wait…but then her child acting career would be much bigger than mine was. If I didn’t have that third nipple I would have been a star.
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No, the third nipple was fine. It was the fourth, fifth, and sixth that screwed you over. And the seventh sealed your fate.
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The main thing that held back my acting career was talent.
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I’ll be on an episode of Army Wives this season.
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I’m sure my mom is proud of you.
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I’m sure that show is popular in Gitmo.
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It’s number one with a bullet…number two. Two Broke Girls…why? who the fuck knows.
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Kat Denning’s boobs.
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Kat Denning’s boobs are as good a reason as any…I’ve never seen the show but I have seen her boobs.
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I wouldn’t mind seeing her boobs. The show isn’t all that great. It might not be the worst thing on in it’s time slot, but there are better ways to pass the time.
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The only show I watch on CBS is that one they have about those people who solve crimes…oh, wait that’s all of them…actually I do watch Person of Interest.
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I watched the 1st season of that, but I’m not really in a TV mode right now. Except for The Walking Dead.
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I gave up on The Walking Dead…it’s just too gory for me.
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Oh, that stuff doesn’t bother me.
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I’m not a big horror fan mainly due to the gore…I don’t like gore especially when it’s Al.
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But you’re cool with Frank, right?
Okay, I have about another hour of work to do…I either need some meth or someone to post something funny right now!
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(Bed makes call to Walter White)
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I can’t post a picture of my face, sorry.
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I’ve tried to figure out to post pictures on FK…as you can tell by all the pictures I post here it’s gone well.
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It used to work. Until that fateful day a few weeks ago…
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What happened? Did you post a picture of Brett Favre’s junk?
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Why bother? He’ll text it to you if you ask. Or don’t ask. Whatever.
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Can I have your number? Can I have it?
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Just give him a massage. He won’t leave you alone.
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Hello.
So…how bout’ them Cowboys?
I figure the next Pope will either be Ray Lewis or Terry Steinbach’s batting helmet.
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I’m hoping for Sweet Brown.
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Not Sweet Caroline..bump, bump, bump.
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Ain’t nobody got time for that.
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Okay, now my mom hates you….good thing for you that she’s in Gitmo.
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She always says she hates me, but it never stops her.
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Did you just make a joke about doing my mom?….you sick, sick, sick, sick bastard.
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Of course not! It wasn’t a joke.
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You sick, sick, sick, sick bastard.
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Flattery will get you nowhere.
Rules to live by…fellas, if you want to impress the ladies read them love poems in the voice of Dusty Rhodes.
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The American Dream will make you cream.
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God, I hope my mother isn’t reading this blog with posts like that…oh, that’s right they took away her internet privileges at Gitmo.
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So that’s where I went wrong. I was singing them songs in the voice of Dusty Springfield.
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… and I was reading them limericks in the voice of Arthur Rhodes.
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Your earring blinded them.
You ever have that moment when you know what the coroner will list as your cause of death?
http://24.media.tumblr.com/_1361058291_cover.jpg
You know Oz…I think we’re alone.
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My pants are long gone, how about yours?
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I’m trying something new so I’m in khakis while wearing a polo shirt.
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Make them khaki shorts, put on some flip flops, and you could pass for a Charlestonian.
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Preppy Don’t Do The Flip Flop.
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Then a true Charlestonian you will never be. Congratulations.
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Well, I think I’ve been there and I did like North Carolina…not sure if that helps.
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You’ve seen Bagger Vance, right?
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Yes, I’m required by law to see any movie involving golf. I know there’s some amazing golf courses in both North and South Carolina.
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I’ve never seen it, but people here still like to brag that it was filmed here. And The Notebook. And North & South. And the bridge scene in Die Hard.
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I think a lot of TV and film is shot in North Carolina…don’t bother with Bagger Vance by the way…it sucked.
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Good to know, thanks.
My DVR tapes a lot of the stuff on PBS and I guess tonight they have something on the Newtown shootings…I’m sure it’s well done but I think I’ll be skipping that one.
Is it wrong to drive 20 miles one way just to get a Coke Icee?
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No, but driving 40 miles round trip would be insane.
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Then I guess I’m spending my night in a Walgreen’s in Summerville.
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Well, if you’re going to spend the night in Summerville the Walgreen’s is the perfect place to do it.
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I’d rather go to The Icehouse. There’s an insanely hot girl that hangs out there. And by insane, I mean that she’s bought me shots the last 2 times I went.
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So, she’s blind as well then.
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So it seems. Beggars can’t be choosers.
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I hear that…I find Visa cards or straight cash work best.
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For everything else, there’s MasterCard.
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Maybe she’s into uniqueness and you’re the most unique thing in her neck of the woods.
That’s gotten me laid/played with before, and I don’t know why it shouldn’t work for you.
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That could be it. Indian is exotic around here.
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mmm hmm.
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So you’re saying she wants a little curry in her diet?
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No BK near you?
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None that are open.
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Burger King? Drive ins are open 24/7.
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Really? Live and learn.
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And get Luvs.
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I prefer Depends. They don’t make Luvs in my size.
Pop quiz, hot shot…does every Cake song sound exactly the same?
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Yes, but they’ve been milking that song for 20 years now.
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How do you afford your short skirt, comfort eagle, and italian leather sofa?
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Napoleon dislikes Cake because Sheep go to Heaven but Goats Go to Hell
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Snerk.
The Oz and Bed Lounge is brought to you by Turtle Wax…keep that bald head all shinny.
What’s your least favorite holiday…I mean besides Matt.
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When I had to work in retail, all of them. Now, I don’t really have a least favorite.
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When I worked at Macy’s it was super crazy around Christmas time. When I worked at Target it was super crazy when the welfare checks hit.
This insensitive post was brought to you by Rush Limbaugh: He’s still the steaming pile of shit you remember. Catch him a 9 am on your AM dial.
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I always hated the people who threw a hissy fit because we ran out of something on Xmas eve.
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I actually enjoyed working at Macy’s…I hated every second working at Target. I think I lasted three months and then I quit the job to drive down to LA and watch a Raiders game with some friends.
Fuck it…I’m just going to give everyone a B.
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Try stripping down to your underwear, showing 9/11 footage, and mutilating a stuffed animal.
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I teach in Arkansas…not Alabama.
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Or NY, apparently.
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I think it’s safe to say I’ll never be a teacher in New York…upstate is too damn cold and New York City is too damn crowded for my taste.
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Plus, it’s full of those damned libruhls.
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Well, I’m a liberal here in Arkansas. In NYC they might think I’m in the Tea Party.
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I’m guessing Mike Huckabee is a liberal in Arkansas. Or at least a moderate.
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Well, he was seen as a guy who could work with both sides but he never pretended he wasn’t a conservative. Republican governors are a pretty rare thing in Arkansas but that will probably be changing as this state is going hard red.
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They’ve made both liberal and moderate dirty words in the political arena these days.
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and since I stopped doing political volunteer work to spend more time with my family it’s all my fault.
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Yeah, pretty much. I’m sure I can find a way to blame pretty much anything on you.
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Well, you wouldn’t but others might.
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I wouldn’t? I mean, yeah, I wouldn’t.
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Well, you are my real dad apparently so I expect you to be nice.
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You get your hair from me.
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Yeah, thanks for that by the way. It saves me at least 3 minutes a day not having to take care of it.
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Think of the money you’ve saved on shampoo and barber visits, though.
And the difference between North Dakota and South Dakota is what exactly?
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North Dakota won the war.
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BUT THE SOUTH SHALL RISE AGAIN!
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Which really isn’t saying much.
Several years back when most of my friends started having kids they always told me how it changed their lives. I’d just nod in agreement when they said it but in the back of my mind I thought they were putting me on…they were right.
My life is so much different than it was just three years ago. Luckily it’s better.
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This post was brought to you by…www.gofuckyourselfbedyoutalktoomuchaboutyourself.com
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Just wait until your wife stabs you in the eye and your daughter sets your house on fire.
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Wait, that was my mom’s move…you have been talking to her…you sick, sick, sick, sick bastard.
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No, I haven’t. Really. We don’t talk.
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Yeah, dad did say she wasn’t all that verbal.
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Oral, yes. Verbal, no.
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You truly sick, sick, sick, sick bastard.
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You don’t know the half of it.
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I’m so glad I didn’t have kids. I’m pretty sure my mother would be raising them for me while I was off somewhere being a fuckup or dead.
If Soylent Green is made out of green people I really don’t see what the big deal is? I mean how many green people do you know besides the Hulk?
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Most poor people are green with envy when it comes to rich people.
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Yeah, people who say money isn’t important have very likely never been poor.
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When they say that being rich brings a whole new set of problems… that’s fine. I’m tired of thse problems, I’d like to take on a new challenge.
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I’ve been broke…I’ve been flush…flush is a hell of a lot better.
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At least you can afford hookers and blow.
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That’s why I worked and saved for years.
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But now Obama wants to take your hard-earned money and give it to poor people so they can get their hookers and blow without even getting a job. Damn Commie.
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I’m cool with raising some taxes. That being said I think you can go too far on that…like I said I’m only a liberal by Arkansas standards…back in California I was a moderate Democrat who thought he was going to be Republican until he changed his mind on a few things.
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I’m a liberal by SC standards, but probably fairly moderate by Bay Area standards.
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By Bay Area standards I’d probably be a conservative Democrat. Of course I’ve never lived there so perhaps I’m just playing into the stereotype.
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B(ed)igot.
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Heh…I like it.
Being environmentally friendly in Arkansas means getting the F-150 instead of the F-250.
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Arkansas sounds a lot like South Carolina.
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The South is the South.
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So it would seem.
I guess Oz is off for his search for a frozen coke thingie…out to get that at 12:11 am…he’s both sexy and dangerous.
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And weird.
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Well, the weird part is a given.
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He mentioned weird. It’s when he said it was Oz.
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When I want your opinion, I’ll remove the duct tape.
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When I want to be tied down, I’ll visit Jennifer’s basement.
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Where do you think I live?
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In a dream, apparently.
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I’m a sick, sick, sick, sick bastard.
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Says the chick who dreams about being on Mythbusters with a coworker and Marlon Brando.
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I like busting myths.
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In ways that are apparently unfit for the internet. How that’s possible I’ll never know.
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I like busty and busts of Harry S. Truman…now I just need a busty bust of Harry S. Truman and I’m set.
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I know a guy. Call me.
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Is your number still 867-5309?
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Yes, I’m Jenny.
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Nope, I’m sitting on the sofa under my 49ers blanket. In pure misery from eating way too much.
So apparently it took until 9pm before I realized I forgot to eat dinner. And it wasn’t hunger that prompted me to realize I’d forgotten so much as the pork chop that was still in the fridge when I went downstairs to get a drink.
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Ugh, I can’t even think about food.
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If it helps, I considered getting a bagel, but I don’t particularly feel hungry.
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I literally ate till I puked tonight.
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So you’re a jockey then?
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Involuntary bulemia. Man, I hate puking.
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I don’t think I’ve ever eaten until I puked…I’ll go write it down for the bucket list.
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No, don’t. It’s not as much fun as you think.
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Okay, I’ll cross that off…hmm, I think I’ll cross of this weird thing I heard about that you can do with goats too.
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That one’s not bad. Pigeons are better.
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I know I’m hit or miss on FK these days but I haven’t seen attijah in so long that I guess she quit us forever. I wish that fucking Bed guy would do the same.
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PEOPLE COME AND GO. NOTHING IS CHANGING.
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Well, people go…who is the last new person on FK?
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You.
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Hmm…you may be right. Most of you guys did show up before I did…I’ve made up for it though will all my Grammy Award winning work on VORP.
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Actually, Tutu was here for awhile recently. But I think our liberal ways drove him out. :(
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I seem to remember Tutu showing up right when I first came over to FK but I could be wrong. He did like to engage in political stuff so you’re going to get what you get on that. I barely find my own political views interesting so I’m unlikely to argue with others that their’s are wrong.
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TM thought about joining, but so far he’s just a lurker.
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@ ozz and Bed.
Nah, I just have lots to do right now. My dad’s 80th B-Day is coming up, and the family get together is at our house. Decks to finish….brush to clear…Landscaping to do. Plus the normal stuff like, prepping for the garden…handloading ammo for the next gummint overthrow, etc. :)
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Glad we didn’t drive you out. :) I’ve got plenty of time for lounging while you taxpayers pay my bills. :D
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I enjoy handloading ammo. I haven’t done it in over a decade, but it was a fun way to bond with my dad…
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Desmarestia
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gigs was here briefly
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oh yeah, huh!?!
It’s been so long since I pretended to be attijah on the site I think I’ve forgotten how to do it…I like pigeons and stuff, right?
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Yeah, you like to eat pigeons.
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They taste like chicken if chicken tasted like pigeon.
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You taste one bird, you’ve tasted them all.
It’s a balmy 23 degrees outside…did I move back to Kansas and no one told me?
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No, you’re not in Kansas anymore.
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Thanks, Toto.
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Boy, I sure do miss those rains down in Africa.
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Pamela..don’t break this heart of mine, it may not heal this time.
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I don’t even know what else Toto sings.
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Okay, so I know two songs and you know one….I think that means I lose.
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Does anyone know a third Toto song to keep this thing going?
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Ooh ooh, don’t they sing Rosanna? I don’t know the words, though.
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YES!…Hot damn, we know three Toto songs…I think the proper response for this is suicide.
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At least I don’t know 3 Justin Bieber songs.
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I don’t know any but that could be said for most current music that doesn’t involve banjos.
Saw this and thought of someone we know:
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That cat is dead sexy.
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Holy shit, it’s my long-lost twin.
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You fat, fat, fat, fat bastard.
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Yes. Yes I am.
My no one gives a damn World Series pick is Detroit over Washington in 6 games.
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I’m having trouble seeing a World Series without the A’s in it this year. It’s not the usual wishful thinking, either. We’ll see, I guess.
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I trust your judgement on this, especially after last year.
My 2019 Super Bowl pick is The Guam Raiders over the London Rotten Teeth.
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I wish the Raiders would move to Doolittle, MO.
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They would but that darn salary cap is preventing them from doing so.
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And I bet the Rams would be super-pissed. I mean come on, everywhere they go…
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The Rams should move back to LA. The Raiders should be actual Raiders and just take over some teams stadium each week.
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Actually, the Little Rock Raiders has a nice ring to it.
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Unless they’re willing to build the stadium themselves it’s hard to see the Raiders getting a new stadium anytime soon. Hell, California is like third world broke so they won’t be chipping in. Honestly it would have been best for the Raiders and 49ers to go into that stadium together. It makes no sense for two football only stadiums to be built in the Bay Area.
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It makes too much sense to be feasible.
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Good point.
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Brilliant!
You’re a cool group of folks. Every now and then I just like to say thank you for all the entertainment you’ve provided me over the years.
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If you could have back all the hours you’ve spent with us, you could’ve discovered a cure for cancer by now.
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Yep, lives have been lost just so I could post about Phil Collins’ VORP.
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It was worth it. They were all assholes.
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I agree…besides my Collins related VORP work is important.
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I think there may be a movie in this.
Last night I had a dream that a jack ass that i didn’t like was at my table for dinner and ordered a bottle of wine. a 350 dollar bottle of wine. I didn’t know how expensive the wine was and he offered me a glass which I accepted only to have him stick me with half the bill at the end of the night because I drank the wine too. Fucking nightmare.
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Well, take me to dinner next time in your dream…this jack ass doesn’t drink…but he does put out.
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Dude, I would never order wine. I don’t even like wine. Except this one Pinot Grigio I had once, but it’s rare and I don’t remember the name. Also, I’d stick you with the whole bill.
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Don’t drink the wine if you don’t wanna spend the dime.
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I usually don’t drink when Im out to eat. Increases the tab too much for my enjoyment.
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Oh. I thought you were going for a most interesting man in the world joke. Then you failed me.
I was a pitcher until that time I tried catching and now all I want to do is catch.
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TMI
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What, people want me to talk more baseball and here I am talking baseball…if by baseball you mean sex.
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This just in…Bed finds out no one wants him to talk more about baseball…Bed goes off for a good cry.
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So when you say VORP, the P stands for…
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Hmm…how dirty do you want me to go…I mean my mom/your gal pal could be reading this.
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Sometimes she pretends I’m you.
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Same here, sweetie… same here.
Just remember the only thing we have to fear is…death, heights, spiders, public speaking, Lohan related nudity, Grover Norquist, second hand smoke, cancer, war, poverty, meteors, alien invasion, the new Star Wars movies, snakes, Ryan Reynolds film career, people not thinking Ayn Rand wasn’t anything but totally full of shit and fear itself.
Alrighty then…
(Bed has left the building)
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(Bed has re-entered the building and then left and then comeback again to the building…he is currently in and out of this particular building and will be so for the rest of the day)
I just performed surgery on a duck foot. It was a success but the patient is in a fowl mood.
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At least it wasn’t on a dog’s foot. Some of them can be real bitches.
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But a tricky surgery like that deserves a round of a-paw-se.
Speaking of cats, awesome news; http://www.oaklandcatvidfest.com
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Yay! Do you know if it’s the same one that showed in Minnesota? I couldn’t tell from the website. Anyway, I saw that one on a cold night in Boston last fall and it was ace.
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It is, but with added Bay Area cats.
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bonus!
What is an appropriate tip for someone who pushes you round an airport in a wheelchair?
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Oh no. It would probably be like cab fare, a flat fee ($5?) and then additional based on mileage.
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Don’t worry about it. They’ve already stolen it from your bags.
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Fk you dude. Those people work hard
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They work hard for your money.
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Treat ‘em right!
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#easybaiting
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I went for 5 euro in Paris and 5 pounds in London, largely because those were the notes I had (other than 50s), and by the time I disembarked in San Francisco not only didn’t I need a wheelchair but my back had actually improved enough that I took BART home.
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Great news man, I wonder if sitting still for that period of time helped out a bit.
If you hurt your lower back, a pillow under or between the knees does wonders if you sleep on your back or side.
I slipped my Lumbar 5 badly 7-8 years ago, think 3 days on the floor, immobile, in agony.
Nowadays a bi/ tri-monthly chiro appointment, a touch of stretching/ elliptical exercise, and the ‘magic fucking knee pillow’ keep me in good shape.
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Glad your back is feeling better!
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Yeah, that is great news!
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Damn, that sucks.
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I would say 5-7 bucks on an international flight and 3-5 on a domestic
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More importantly, why were you in a wheelchair, and are you OK?
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His back is killing him.
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“Easy around the corners, pal.”
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[Hope you're feeling better. Sounds like we're all going through some weird bit of health.]
Last night, my fiancée and I met with the dude that we are surely going to hire to dj our wedding and he gave us a cd of his PKD+HPL-inspired turntablism. Dope.
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I found Ari for my daughter’s wedding. Looks like he’s moved to NY but still has the company in Boston. He did a great job.
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That website is definitely one of the ones I happened upon, but not the one we’re going with.
The West.
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Me too.
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I got the Midland at 95%, but the West came in second at 80%. There were a bunch of questions where I was on the fence between saying that two words sounded almost the same or exactly the same.
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I got “North Central” which means there was a failure to communicate. In no way do I have a Fargo accent.
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Sweet Jesus I got Boston.
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If you were really Bostonian, you would have said Sweet Caroline.
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Yeah, I got Northeast too, one part of the country where I’ve never lived.
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86% “Inland North”, 80% each “Northeast” and “Philadelphia”, which is a pretty accurate triangulation both geographically and linguistically.
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100% Midland, 80% Philly, 78% Inland North, 77% South.
If I had it to do over again I’d have pursued sports broadcasting. So that part at least is spot on.
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I was also Midland. I have a face for radio, though.
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And a body for naked texting?
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No.
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Huh?
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My thoughts exactly – maybe they just tell everyone that they don’t have an accent?
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The last question about “bag” sounding like “vague” is the best.
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100% Northeast.
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Very far Northeast?
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He’s so Northeast he’s standing at the North Pole.
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I thought this was a particularly poor piece of question-setting
because of the assumptions it makes about how you pronounce whore and hot.
I’m no longer the only guy going on this Italy trip. Which means I’ll have a roommate. Which sucks, because I’m planning to bring back a different girl every night. We’ll be as quiet as possible, of course, but duct tape can only do so much.
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Duct tape is stronger than you think, my friend.
I don’t see why you can’t keep the roommate duct taped up in the closet for 3, maybe 4 days before the temperature differentials and sweat allow him to get free.
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or, you know, just invite him to partake.
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Or send him to the girl-of-the-evening’s roommate. Compare notes. Switch it around the next night. Use duct tape as necessary for enhancing the experience.
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or just invite all of them over. set an egg timer and switch every 10 minutes.
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Make sure the egg timer vibrates.
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Also make sure it has a flange at one end.
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(stares at boyfriend… sighs audibly…)
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Is there any problem you FKers can’t solve?
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Wow, y’all put a lot of thought into this.
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Heh. Egg timer. Punny.
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Aww… how sweet… I gave him my dark solution and you gave him my light one.
I owe you a hug!
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Yay!
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And an ass grab.
(give a squeeze for me, Kay. I’ve heard great things about Mike’s ass.)
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It’s quite decent.
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How’s the shoulder?
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Pretty good, I guess. Strength isn’t back yet but I have almost full range of motion.
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I hear that the motion in the ocean is the most important part
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Cool, you gotta be ready by Opening Day. Ready for what, you ask? I’ll leave that part up to you.
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Pics or STFU
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MikeV, not Bed.
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My donkey is way hotter than that one.
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I thought that he was using the duct tape to keep the girls quiet so as to not bother his (non-duct-taped) roommate.
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Of course, one could easily imply that if one is not inclined to take things to greater extremes.
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Ding ding! That’s what I was getting at.
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Or you could just be a selfish/disappointing lover, thus eliciting no moans.
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Well, I’ve certainly got that part down pat!
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Also, I don’t like to think of it as selfish. It’s capitalist. I’m not running a charity here. If you want an orgasm, go out and work hard and earn your own.
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You didn’t build [to] that.
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LOL!
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Redistribute orgasms! End orgasm inequality!
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i like how you think.
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Me too!
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heh. i would hope so. ;)
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Sexist pig!
I like my way better.
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Maybe my roommate will too.
Ok, advice time. Does anyone have a good way to get rid of the neighborhood squirrels. We have at least 2 big FKers that are hanging around. They dont bother me, but they drive Mrs. Aces insane. She is totally afraid of squirrels first. And then they are jumping on the roof during the night and she can hear them running around at all hours (one of the few joys of being hard of hearing is I dont hear anything at night).
I’m sure there is some bait or something I could use, but I figure someone here will have the easy cheap way…
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I can ask Ozz(ex)wife for her family’s squirrel gumbo recipe.
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Bed lives in squirrel eatin’ country. Maybe the natives have some good recipes too.
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I’m sure he can ask his students.
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Burgoo!
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I’ve never had that.
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Short answer is: Good luck.
That said, there are a number of products on that market that are designed to repel squirrels. Some are made from strong scented or flavored plant extracts like hot peppers and others are made from predator urine. From what I understand, they work for some people and not others.
Hiring a falconer almost certainly be cost prohibitive.
Dogs and cats can be effective, but not always. My cat does nothing to keep them away, but then again she’s a little wussy cat that lets the ducks peck at her. And using a dog to keep squirrels away is going to involve a lot of barking.
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Yeah, I have spent the last few weeks yelling at the dog since he just sort of looks at the squirrles with amused curiosity.
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My dad suggests a gun.
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He said squirrels, not minorities.
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The problem with killing or trapping and relocating them is that it won’t take long for others to move in.
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What if you leave their heads on spikes?
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A few years ago my old boss bought a new card. A squirrel moved in and chewed up the electrical less than a week later.
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What kind of card has wiring? Was it one of those fancy singing birthday cards or something?
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I hate you.
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You love me.
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They’re not mutually exclusive.
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Generally, women just love me for my body.
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Of work, I know.
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No, on my car. It’s got no dents or scratches or anything.
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Spay or neuter your pets!
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But then I can’t farm them out for stud service.
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I accidentally ran over one this weekend. I don’t suggest this as a solution, but if the opportunity arises…
On the one hand, I feel bad because running over animals is bad, especially cute ones whose brethren provide entertainment in our backyard during weekend lunchtimes. OTOH, they are an invasive nuisance that the Audubon Society won’t take on and that dig up our flowers.
Am I the only person who didn’t like “300″?
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no.
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Ok, just checking. It’s nice to know there are others. One is the loneliest number.
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The only thing I can say about the movie 300 is that I saw it.
So, I normally dye my own hair. Today something went terribly, terribly wrong. My hair is white. My mom disowned me.
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Dye it purple.
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I called in a professional. I told her I’d pay her any amount of money to fix it tomorrow. I have my big outing tomorrow.
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Wouldn’t it be funny if this happened right before the wedding?
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My mom went nuts. Screaming. “WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO FUCK UP NICE THINGS?!? I hope to God your hair doesn’t fall out before the wedding.”
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You should put poison in her guac.
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Ex-Lax. Lots of Ex-Lax.
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Naw. A dead body the coroner will take away, but if she has diarrhea in your bathroom you’ve gotta clean that up yourself.
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Gertie’s at her parent’s place, remember? The explosive leaving will be left for her mom to clean up later. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.
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Oh yeah. Damn. This is why they pay you the big bucks.
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Why? That’s her normal self. I’m used to it. I asked why she was so upset, but didn’t stick around for the answer. As long as it’s fixed for tomorrow night, I’m fine.
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Wait, is the wedding tomorrow?
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No, I’m going out tomorrow.
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Oh. To a bar?
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Yes. Two of them.
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Lush.
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Sure.
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Fix it Marshall style, by shaving a grove right down the middle.
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When I went to get my haircut for my wedding, I wasnt 100% sure how short I had cut it in the past. And, rather than the obvious go longer and have them trim if need be, I went ahead and did a 1/2 all over. Thank god I got it cut like a week early, I dont quite look like a 18 yo skinhead in all the photos.
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But this is your chance to go all Daenerys Targaryen on their asses!
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It’s not a nice look with my paper plate colored skin.
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Just make sure to wear dark colored clothes to go with it. I suggest black.
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And blood red lipstick.
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My outfit is black with a coral sweater. But this is a look no one should see.
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I have a black hat I thought about wearing, if I couldn’t get an appointment to fix it.
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Shave it all off and tell people you’re in remission.
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I’m growing my hair out. If I shaved it all off I’d look like Jabba the Hutt. Especially since my skinny friends will be with me tomorrow.
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Then force one into a bikini with a dog collar and leash. She could follow you everywhere you go and you can go “Ho Ho Ho Ho HO”.
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Dye it green and gold.
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Yes, I want to stay single for the rest of my life.
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Are you kidding me? That would be awesome!
What do I watch when I finally have access to television? Gem Shopping Network. For. Hours.
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Have you bought anything? And is there really such a channel?
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No. The stuff is usually around $1-4K. I just saw something that was $55K.
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Ozz(ex)wife’s uncle sits around watching livestock auctions all day.
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My dad does, too.
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I don’t see the attraction, but that’s just me.
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**** does.
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Brown Goat, Brown Cow!
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I’m not sure the goat’s color matters much.
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I like watching the estate jewelry sales.
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I’ve never seen one. Do they have estate camera sales?
Howzabut a new thread for the FIRST SPRING TRAINING GAME OF THE YEAR!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!
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Do it.
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Did it.
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ty!
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No, thank YOU. That’s my first game thread.