The Adventures of Tina Marason, Bear Spotter: DLD 082709 ← FREE KRAUT!

The Adventures of Tina Marason, Bear Spotter: DLD 082709 73

27 Aug 2009  |  monkeyball  |The Grill

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  1. Via Sully and his minions:
  2. All Teams Are the Same, Chapter MXVLI
  3. Perhaps Travis Buck just got lost?
  4. Apposite-slash-analogy of the year:

    the only marginally-less-plausible Bucky Dent

  5. Oh, if I’d only known when I was a fourteen-year-old girl that I would spend an hour in Rob Lowe’s trailer twenty-five years later …
  6. The detail at the end is the real kicker. That’s some nice writing.
  7. I haven’t read this yet, but I presume it will be excellent.
  8. We might all have to crash this
you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come

73 thoughts on “The Adventures of Tina Marason, Bear Spotter: DLD 082709”

  1. the dogfather Aug 27,2009 12:14 pm

    That is The Most Accurate, Complete and True-to-Life report Ever on Faux News.

    Where were these guys when Neil Armstrong allegedly walked on the moon?

    Furthermore, where’s Glen Beck? That Black Bear obviously doesn’t like White People.

    The meaning of life is not so much found, as it is Made. -- Opus
  2. mikeA Aug 27,2009 12:20 pm

    Parking enforcers are well paid for driving around in little buggies; a little risk is part of the job…

    • monkeyball Aug 27,2009 1:40 pm || Up

      Lawyers are well paid for sitting on their asses all day; I could get on board tort reform that introduced a similar “little risk” to their job …

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
      • mikeA Aug 27,2009 1:52 pm || Up

        In court, sometimes standing is required.

        • nevermoor Aug 27,2009 2:01 pm || Up

          Also, listening to opposing counsel is bad for our blood pressure and sanity.

          "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
        • monkeyball Aug 27,2009 2:09 pm || Up

          Nicely done.

          you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • monkeyball Aug 27,2009 1:47 pm || Up

      There’s sometimes a buggy.

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
      • andeux Aug 27,2009 1:57 pm || Up

        I am well paid for writing code that is sometimes a little buggy.

        TINSTAAFK
        • nevermoor Aug 27,2009 2:01 pm || Up

          Like FK?

          "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
  3. mikeA Aug 27,2009 12:22 pm

    Really, that clip represents the newspeople trying harder than they normally do…

  4. batgirl Aug 27,2009 12:31 pm

    The Mets fired Rick Peterson? Boy am I out of the loop on the NL.

  5. nevermoor Aug 27,2009 1:03 pm

    Tee hee. To this day I don’t understand why there were so many “hey, the A’s should get Murton” stories until we got him, then it was nothing but “hey, Murton sucks and should never be allowed to play”

    "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
  6. monkeyball Aug 27,2009 2:46 pm

    I shall grudgingly concede that Sol does have certain beneficial effects.

    I don’t, however, know that I’d have phrased this data point in quite this way:

    drinking excrement can make you look better than drinking cheap clean water

    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • andeux Aug 27,2009 2:53 pm || Up
      TINSTAAFK
      • monkeyball Aug 27,2009 3:00 pm || Up

        Not a strong enough placebo effect

        you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • nevermoor Aug 27,2009 3:06 pm || Up

      It’s hard for me to read stuff like that with out getting angry at the “lets try to understand these poor savages” undertone.

      Maybe the reason more people didn’t use the system is that it doesn’t make any sense to them, despite “intensive promotional campaigns” that may have been poorly conceived. Maybe the reason is that societies are slow to adopt change.

      Assuming the technology works, all the study means is that it needs to be sold better/more persistently.

      "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
      • monkeyball Aug 27,2009 3:15 pm || Up

        Actually, it seems to me like there was a fatal (and dumb — though actually 180 degrees opposite your criticism) flaw in their intervention design:

        Mothers completed a daily child health diary for 1 y

        … in rural Bolivia.

        (And I presume that we can count on similar patience from you regarding the adoption by various MLB managers and executives of sabermetric advances?)

        you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  7. monkeyball Aug 27,2009 2:49 pm

    This is a fascinating (if unfocused and poorly structured/edited) article, but wait just a second:

    Benedetti came across a study, done years earlier, that suggested the placebo effect had a neurological foundation. US scientists had found that a drug called naloxone blocks the pain-relieving power of placebo treatments. The brain produces its own analgesic compounds called opioids, released under conditions of stress, and naloxone blocks the action of these natural painkillers and their synthetic analogs.

    Was naloxone’s anti-placebo effect tested against a placebo to see if it had a greater anti-placebo effect then … placebo?

    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • nevermoor Aug 27,2009 2:56 pm || Up

      Whoa… deep.

      "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
    • andeux Aug 27,2009 3:04 pm || Up

      Yeah, interesting stuff. (Incidentally, the author of that article, who I know slightly, is an Oberlin grad.)

      TINSTAAFK
      • monkeyball Aug 27,2009 3:19 pm || Up

        A fellow Yeodouchebag!

        you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  8. monkeyball Aug 27,2009 3:22 pm

    Aren’t Utility, Cutter, and Canner the names of the next three Palin kids?

    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • monkeyball Aug 27,2009 3:24 pm || Up

      And, yes, in college I played manipulated tape loops of classic Looney Tunes cartoon soundtracks for Mechanically Separated Chicken.

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • monkeyball Aug 27,2009 3:26 pm || Up

      Hunh. I did not know this:

      Hydrolyzed soy
      Hydrolysis, in this instance, breaks larger soy protein molecules into their constituent amino acids, such as glutamic acid. Typically, the process also results in glutamic acid salt—also known as monosodium glutamate

      One more thing I need to look closely at labels for (MSG does a number on my glands).

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  9. mk Aug 27,2009 3:34 pm

    Rome is burning.

    Leviticus 10:

    Moses was laik “Mishael an Elzaphan, you gota git yoer rellies outta here.”5 An they did.

  10. mk Aug 27,2009 3:36 pm

    monkeyball, have you ever written a screenplay?

    Part of me is positive you have one or two tucked away in a desk drawer somewhere. The other part of me thinks not, mainly because most people just don’t ever get around to that sort of thing (being obligated to earn money, woo life partners, raise kids, and whatnot).

    • monkeyball Aug 27,2009 3:40 pm || Up

      Actually, that is in fact my primary form of avocational writing. I’ve got 3 or 4 spec scripts tucked away somewhere, and one big calling-card vanity project that I’m tryign to finish to send around in hopes of landing an agent (I’m also toying with the idea of transforming that current one into either a novel and/or a “premium” TV pilot).

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
      • mk Aug 27,2009 3:56 pm || Up

        I’ve always imagined that the reaction of people who sell a pilot to HBO is first to shit their pants out of excitement, then to shit their pants again if/when the pilot flies, out of dread/terror at the prospect of having to crank out 12 more episodes.

        I totally want to read the big calling card vanity project.

        • monkeyball Aug 27,2009 4:12 pm || Up

          Well, the general (uninformed-except-via-Goodman) impression I have is that the cable nets won’t buy a pitch unless it’s fairly well fleshed out through at minimum s1. I don’t think you get in the door without a road map for your characters.

          The advantage of my current project as a potential tv property (and I do have 2 or 3 other interesting albeit less fecund tv pitches) is that it’s the result of about 10 … ok, shit, 15 years of research (remember: history major), and I have tons of material and characters that are on my literary cutting-room floor (the current script is leeeeeeeeeean and mean). And the way I have the script structured, and this was wholly inadvertent, would really facilitate transitioning to a, say, 3-season arc.

          you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
          • mk Aug 27,2009 5:23 pm || Up

            Now that you can say f*** and show f***ing on cable, do you expect that writing and directing talent will slowly migrate there from movies?

            1. It’s harder (I think) to get a “smart” movie made now than it was, say, 15 years ago, but easier (I think) to get smart TV on the air.

            2. TV allows for a more novelistic approach to plot, characters, etc. that I imagine appeals to a lot of directors and screenwriters.

            • monkeyball Aug 27,2009 5:29 pm || Up

              Acting talent already has.

              you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
          • mikeA Aug 27,2009 6:53 pm || Up

            WW2 action drama about the Malkin family?

            • monkeyball Aug 27,2009 11:09 pm || Up

              THE DEATH CAMP

              you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
        • dmoas Aug 27,2009 6:29 pm || Up

          TV typically expects the first 6 or so episodes fleshed out (not necessarily fully written, but solid outlines as a bare minimums) as well as a mapped out first 13 or so episodes (to full season), show direction, character direction, etc. as a “bible”. If you’re lucky enough to get a go for a season, other writers would be involved in actually getting the full season (12 – 24) episodes out a season under a “show runner” (usually, but not necessarily, the person who’s idea it is) who leads writer’s meetings and episode assignment/order decisions, etc. You can also do a TV movie as a backdoor Pilot and cross your fingers people like it enough for them to let you produce a full season.

          • monkeyball Aug 27,2009 11:18 pm || Up

            {snerk}

            backdoor Pilot

            you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  11. monkeyball Aug 27,2009 4:06 pm

    I’ve never been terribly impressed with the Onion TV stuff (and to be honest, I haven’t read more than an occasional AV Club piece in … shit, 7 or 8 years), but this is genius:

    Is Using A Minotaur To Gore Detainees A Form Of Torture?

    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • mikeA Aug 27,2009 6:48 pm || Up

      the av club is great, and one of the few places where I like the comments.

      • monkeyball Aug 27,2009 11:10 pm || Up

        Not like here, you mean?

        you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  12. monkeyball Aug 27,2009 4:15 pm

    Hunh. Good luck, Huddy.

    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  13. monkeyball Aug 27,2009 4:16 pm

    I always forget there are two (or more?) of them.

    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • mikeA Aug 27,2009 6:50 pm || Up

      I’ve had to explain about 3 times to my dad that the A’s didn’t trade for that guy, each time responding to “Oh! The De La Salle guy!”

  14. nevermoor Aug 27,2009 4:25 pm

    This is a very interesting phrase. I quibble with the definition though.

    “attempting to use transparently false arguments upon the apparent assumption that one’s ability to persuade can prevent other people from perceiving other people don’t care that the arguments are obviously untrue.”

    "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
    • monkeyball Aug 27,2009 4:31 pm || Up

      I’d argue that James’ very use of the phrase is self-constitutive.

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  15. nevermoor Aug 27,2009 4:28 pm

    Mmm.

    "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
    • monkeyball Aug 27,2009 4:44 pm || Up

      Thanks to the porkulus bill, we’re now in Advanced Meat Recovery! And the Death Panels will process grandma through the Sieve. Also.

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
      • nevermoor Aug 27,2009 4:48 pm || Up

        You’re a #9 douche!

        "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
    • monkeyball Aug 27,2009 4:50 pm || Up

      More I Did Not Know That:

      4. Convincing consumers to start cooking with a machine lubricant was not a simple task. A new name was devised – “Canadian Oil” or shorthand – “Canola”.

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  16. monkeyball Aug 27,2009 5:07 pm

    Hoboy. MCC should have fun with this. Neyer actually thinks that the following is auspicious for the Giants going forward:

    WSJ: In what ways is baseball [operations] being integrated [with the totality of the franchise business model]?

    Mr. Neukom: A small example is Brian [Sabean] would come to an investor meeting and give his report and leave. I would look around and say that’s silly. He’s as smart as we are. Now he contributes in discussions in other parts of the enterprise.

    (OK, sure, I think Neyer’s point is that in the abstract, “integration” as used here is a positive thing for any franchise.)

    Full interview here. Plus, Separated at Birth: Bill Neukom and Nick Lowe:

    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  17. whiteshoes40 Aug 27,2009 5:10 pm

    I don’t know if this has been posted, but…

    there’s a new Chavez in town

    Eric Chavez popped onto the field today during batting practice at Safeco Field and chatted w/reporters for a few minutes. He looked good and was in good spirits. His wife, Alex, gave birth to their third child — a boy, Cruz — three weeks ago. So no wonder he’s in a good mood.

    Where’s Apricot, anyway? We need The Adventures of Cruz Chavez (with sidekicks Diego and Dolce [huh, I did not know that Dolce was their daughter’s name]).

    • andeux Aug 27,2009 5:19 pm || Up

      If Ruben Amaro has a daughter, he should name her Dolce.

      TINSTAAFK
      • monkeyball Aug 27,2009 5:23 pm || Up

        As should this guy

        you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • monkeyball Aug 27,2009 5:24 pm || Up

      I think “popping onto the field” needs to be added to the Euphemism Directory as the ultimate result of “going to Harvard.”

      you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • nevermoor Aug 27,2009 5:33 pm || Up

      If she becomes hot, will that make me a Leche?

      "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
      • monkeyball Aug 27,2009 5:35 pm || Up

        You and this guy

        you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
        • nevermoor Aug 27,2009 5:39 pm || Up

          I’m pretty confident you missed the joke.

          "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
          • monkeyball Aug 27,2009 5:45 pm || Up

            Oh, no, I got it — you missed mine.

            you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
            • nevermoor Aug 27,2009 5:47 pm || Up

              Wow. That’s way beyond my obscure reference threshold.

              "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
              • salb918 Aug 27,2009 6:22 pm || Up

                Every parent knows that one.

                • monkeyball Aug 27,2009 11:12 pm || Up

                  The La Leche people are *almost* as crazy as the elimination-communication people. And much, much angrier.

                  you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
                • salb918 Aug 28,2009 4:53 am || Up

                  We went to one of their seminars a few years ago and would have walked out early but for manners.

                • JediLeroy Aug 30,2009 5:01 am || Up

                  They remind me a bit of those no-diapers people.

                  az di bobe volt gehat beytsim volt zi geven mayn zeyde
  18. monkeyball Aug 27,2009 5:19 pm

    You know, this was halfway to dangerous-clever, but then it totally chickened out. You have to go where the concept leads you, and that … did not.

    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  19. monkeyball Aug 27,2009 5:28 pm

    In the same category as placebo-induced anti-placebo effects, I guess you could include mock mock executions.

    (Tangentially, I always like to describe Michael Kamen’s score for Brazil as “mock mock-heroic.”)

    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
  20. monkeyball Aug 27,2009 5:46 pm

    Wow. Look how young and … small David Thomas is.

    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • nevermoor Aug 27,2009 5:50 pm || Up

      You’re right. He really does look different.

      "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
      • andeux Aug 27,2009 6:04 pm || Up

        Too many people with that name.

        TINSTAAFK
  21. monkeyball Aug 27,2009 5:49 pm
    you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • mk Aug 27,2009 6:25 pm || Up

      I really need to know how you ended up at omg.yahoo.com.

      • monkeyball Aug 27,2009 11:14 pm || Up

        Feeling old today. Was trying to find the Office of Monkey Gerontology.

        you better hope to God you don't show up in this little community, because you'll wish you had never come
    • Poppy Aug 28,2009 11:46 am || Up

      Her daughter isn’t half-Cuban enough.

      There's a wild thing in the woolshed and it's keeping me awake at night.
  22. nevermoor Aug 28,2009 4:53 pm
    "There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"
    • Poppy Aug 28,2009 6:30 pm || Up

      Was that still on?

      (and btw, teaching a highly intelligent hyperactive kid how to read = no problem. teaching him why to read = uh… not so much. so i’m not sure he’s mine.)

      There's a wild thing in the woolshed and it's keeping me awake at night.

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